Lavender

Chapter Forty-Three

The weekend may have begun on a rough note, but it ended on a delighted one. My parents got along for the two whole days, and we all celebrated my mom's forty-second birthday in peace. There was no bickering or even a passive aggressive comment from either of them. I couldn't have been any prouder. And the awkward tension between Wyatt and I slowly faded away until we felt like good friends again. Though, we won't be sharing secrets and hanging out in his college dorm any time soon, I will be patiently waiting until we can go back to being the best of friends.

The only thing that bothered me the whole weekend was Holden. He kept calling and texting me, begging for me to forgive him and to reply to his texts and calls. My anger toward him basically fizzled out until there was no longer fire, just smoke... but I didn't just cave in and forgave him like that. I wanted him to keep begging and humble himself before I forgave him, which I mostly have. What my mother said was right. He is a very insecure person... and very scared of losing me. We only just got together. Of course he is going to feel jealous of my newly ex-boyfriend texting and calling me. But where he went wrong is how he acted as if I was going to leave him to be with Wyatt again. I thought after our passionate night before would prove to him that I want him and no one else. But I guess I will have to convince him somehow.

Wyatt drives onto campus and parks in the student parking lot in front of my dorm building. He turns to me with his warm and perfect smile. "I had a really nice time this weekend. It will take us a while to get back to how we were before everything, but I'm glad we're starting brand new. I don't ever want there to be bad blood between us, you're my best friend."

I smile, relieved he feels the same way. "You will always be my best friend. I'm so happy we're starting fresh, no bad blood or grudges between us. I couldn't live with you hating me. You really don't hate me, do you?" I ask nervously, and he laughs.

"I couldn't hate you if someone paid me a million dollars," he claims.

"Why not? You could pretend for an hour and we'd split the money."

He laughs harder and reaches across the center console to hug me. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." I close my eyes and hug him back, tighter than he is hugging me.

After five minutes of hugging and promising to hang out soon, I get out of the car and wave goodbye. He waves back before driving out of the parking lot.

"That was sweet," Holden says behind me.

I jump slightly and turn around to find him staring at Wyatt's retreating car, then at me. I squint and search for the sarcasm in his facial expression, but I can't read him, and I normally can.

"We were just hugging goodbye, there is no need to go all Hulk on me again," I say sarcastically, walking straight past him. I may have forgiven him, but I will not run into his arms and accept his many apologies.

"Can we please talk about Friday?" He asks and follows me into the building.

"There is no need to talk about anything, Holden," I say and slip inside the elevator after a group of girls walk off. He steps in after me and blindly hits my room floor.

"Yes, there are things we need to talk about," he insistently says, blocking the door, but I don't know if he's doing it on purpose. I briefly wonder if he'd hit the button to stop the elevator to trap me in here until he pleads his case. By the look urgency in his wide eyes and the black bags under them, I'd say yes—yes, he would.

Luckily, he doesn't punch the button before the doors open. Still ignoring him, I walk around him and walk to my room, him following closely behind. I look at him over my shoulder and almost forgive him on the spot. He has his hands tucked into his pockets, his head hanging low, and the most adorable pout. But he's probably only trying to manipulate me with his look of regret, so I turn back to the door and unlock it. I walk inside and don't even bother to close it as he walks right in and locks it behind him. He stays quiet in the corner of the room as I unpack my clothes in the drawer and stuff the dirty ones in my hamper. His silence is unnerving; he is always talking.

"I'm sorry," he says as I'm hanging up a blouse.

I sigh and turn around to see him sitting on the edge of my bed, his thumbs fiddling on his lap. He wants me to be closer to him, I just know. I warily stare at him and slowly walk over to him, my hands behind my back. Sensing my approach, he looks up and hope sparks in his eyes. But I stop a few inches from him. He chews on his lip and fiddles his thumbs some more.

"What are you sorry for?" I torture him a little.

"For acting like an asshat. I should have known you'd be loyal to me, even if we haven't discussed what we are exactly. You've been feeling guilty these past three months because you are a good person. A part of you died when you met me, that much is clear, and for that I really am sorry. I hope you changed for the better and not the worse. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I made you as bad as me."

My need to torture him melts away, and I sigh and close the gap between us, standing in between his legs. He looks up at me expectantly, surprised... hopeful. "You are not bad, Holden." I put my hands on top of his dark hair and exhale softly. "You are just... inexperienced."

He chuckles but lets me continue.

"You haven't been in a relationship before. And even though we don't know what we really are, we are a lot more than what you are used to. I'm not just some girl you'll sleep with then leave for another girl... at least I hope I'm not."

"You aren't," he says quickly and holds onto my waist. I smile, and he smiles back. "You are right about me being inexperienced though." He looks down at my stomach, lost in thought. "You're the first girl I've had genuine feelings for. I could never just fuck you and dump you off to the side. You mean more to me, more than I could have ever imagined." He stares at me, thinking hard about something. I watch with curiosity as the skin between his eyebrows pull together and he blinks rapidly, an idea springing in his mind.

"What is it?" I ask and lightly tug at the ends of his hair.

His eyes meet mine. "I love you, Lavender," he says, and my heart stops beating. Literally. I'm stunned and so taken aback, weak in the knees. If it weren't for him holding me up, I would have collapsed to the ground.

Holden loves me? Like, truly loves me? He isn't pulling some kind of sick joke?

"You do?" I squeak.

His eyes spark with blinding clarity. "Yes, I do." His face splits into a dimpled grin.

Wow. Holden loves me. And I love him, but I can't get the words out of my mouth for some reason.

"It's okay if you don't love me back, I just needed you to know that." He shrugs nonchalantly, as if he just told me he casually walked here and not profess his love for me. "Actually, on second thought... I don't love you," he says, and I immediately smack his arm. He laughs and says before I can yell at him for lying like that, "I am in love with you. So much in love, I'd be damned for you with a smile on my face. So much so, I'd live the rest of my life happy, knowing how much I am so in love with you, I wouldn't care if you didn't even say it back, though hearing it from you would make me feel less of the smiling idiot I am." And it's true, he can't stop smiling, and I still can't get the words out. I know I love him, I know I am in love with this maddening boy, but they are stuck in my throat.

"Will you stay the night with me at my house?" He asks, and I nod like the lovesick girl I am. He grins. "Awesome. Pack a bag and meet me in the parking lot. I'll be waiting." He places a tender kiss on my cheek, then gets up and walks out.