Lavender

Chapter Thirty-Six

Hanging out with Cammie the whole day proved to be relaxing. There wasn't enough space to think about the guys and which tops I wanted to buy at Forever 21. The weather in Santa Monica was around the seventies, but I still picked out a few skirts that caught my attention and sprung to buy shirts and blouses with taller sleeves. Cammie's nose scrunched up when I picked out a few pastel-colored cardigans and she tried convincing me to get a daring dress I almost bought, until I noticed the deep plunge in the back. I quickly turned it down and laughed all the way to the Panera in the mall. I may have changed a bit since coming to college, but I haven't changed that much.

We're driving back to the dorm when she takes a sudden turn. "Where are we going?" I ask her, and she flicks on the window wipers, noticing the drizzle hitting her silver corolla.

"To Holden's party," she says and my heart drops.

"What? Why? How do you know he's even keeping one tonight?"

"They have a party every weekend."

"Yeah, but it's raining."

She flicks a dismissive hand and says, "It'll stop in a few minutes. And you two need to talk about last night."

"There is nothing to talk about." I pick at the soft fabric of my jeans. There is a lot we need to talk about, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to discuss anything with him right now. I've figured out I want him, but to what extent can he be with me? He's told me he wants to be with me, too, but does he mean as friends but with added benefits? I refuse to be the girl who is with a guy who can't commit to her.

"Yes, there is, you liar. It's too late anyways, we are already here." The car stops right in front of the massive house. I'm too scared to get out of the car, though. What do we even say—do from here? Do we become a couple as if my last relationship wasn't blown up? Stay as friends and fight our feelings for each other? What?

"Lavender?" Cammie says.

"Yes, Cammie?"

"If you're really not ready, we can go home."

I stare at the house, and it stares back, challenging me to go up and ring the doorbell. Face the boy I've fallen for and inevitably chose over Wyatt. Rejection clouds my thoughts, but only for a second. It's enough to strike fear in my heart, but not enough for me to suggest we go home. I look away from the intimating structure and smile at Cammie, hand on the door handle.

"Let's go," I say, but then fearfully add, "before I change my mind and hate you for the rest of the semester."

"Oh, honey, you could never hate me." She pokes my nose, and I laugh.

We jog through the light rain to the front door. She repeatedly presses the doorbell, and I look around for any cars pulling for the supposed party. It's almost seven o'clock and the streets are empty; no girls in short dresses walking around the corner or guys hauling cases of beers with them to the house. Thunder cracks in the heavy clouds, signaling a rare storm. I'm not so sure there's going to be anything kept tonight, unless people don't mind dancing in the rain.

The door swings open with Holden on the other side. He's wearing gray sweats and a large hoodie. He pushes the hood down and reveals his swollen face. He has a purple ring around his left eye, a scab over the small cut on his left cheek, and his nose bridge is slightly twisted. None of his injuries are anywhere near healed, but he does look better than he did yesterday.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asks, eyeing me wearily. I blush and look over his shoulder to find Jay walking over to us with a perplexed expression. My heart skips beat, then five extra beats the way he's looking at me, as if trying to read my mind. I saw him last night, in a much worse state, but my pulse is already going crazy at the sight of him.

"We're here for the party," Cammie says as thunder booms in the dark sky above us.

Jay laughs. "I think that's enough to tell you there won't be a party tonight."

"It'll blow over in a minute..." But Cammie is drowned out by a string of thunder crackling within the gray clouds. And then it begins: the almighty storm that would drench us if it weren't for the porch giving us coverage.

"Yeah, I don't think so. Come on in, you guys can wait here for the storm to pass," Jay shouts over the thunderous rain coming down in thick heavy waves behind us. Cammie screams a thank you and scurries inside. My hands form into nervous fists as I peer over Jay's shoulder; Holden is still staring at me, and the fear I experienced in the car comes back in waves more powerful than the storm.

"Are you coming in or what?" Jay chuckles and waves me in.

I force a smile, mutter, "Of course I'm coming in," and walk across the threshold.