Lavender

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Purple, you have to wake up now. I have to explain last night," Holden whispers in my ear then brushes his lips against the skin below my ear. "I want you to know everything about me. The good and the bad. Wake up," he urges gently and kisses my earlobe.

I smile and push his hair back off his forehead, allowing his brown eyes to burn into mine. I pull him closer and hum a random song. He chuckles and hums back the soothing tune. I love that he loves the music I love.

"I think I like you, Lavender," he says and presses his lips to mine. "I think I like you a lot..." he whispers into my mouth.

"I like you, too, Holden," I say and he smiles.

His knuckles glide against my cheekbone, but they're freezing. I open my mouth to tease him about his cold hands, but when I look up at him, he's fading away.

"Holden?" But I can't hear my voice. "Holden?"

I reach out to hold onto him, but he's gone.

I open my eyes and take a deep breath. The room is pitch black, and Holden isn't lying next to me, taking up all the space with his lanky body. Reality settles in and I sit upright in my bed. Holden isn't in here. It's just Cammie and me. I push the disappointment away and grab my phone off the bedside table and see a few worried texts from Wyatt and the time: three in the morning. I plug my phone back on the charger and close my eyes to go back to sleep to try and dream of a Holden that talks to me instead of pushing me away. Hopefully my dream can become a reality.

Holden's voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear carries over to reality as I open my eyes again. This time the room has sunlight, creating a warm orange glow, and my phone reads six a.m. I text Wyatt an apology for not answering his calls yesterday and tell him I was hanging out with a friend and turned my phone off. I feel guilty not saying which friend even though nothing happened between Holden and I. Wyatt and I talk for a while before I tell him I have to get ready for school. I plug my phone back on the charger and wipe the sleep from my eyes. The dream feels so real, too real. I can still feel Holden's cold knuckles dragging across my cheek, his fingertips running along my lower lip, his mouth pressed against mine...

I stop thinking about him, grab my toiletries and head to the bathroom. I shower and try to focus on the water beating against my skin. But I can't get him out of my head. My mind goes back to last night and his father showing up at the diner. Holden acted disrespectful for no reason, but I know deep down there is one, he just won't tell me. I think about him telling me he's felt incomplete, broken for years because of his childhood. I piece together how guarded he is, how he won't tell me about his past, and the way he reacted when his father showed up, but the puzzle doesn't make sense. I have some of the pieces that should be enough to get an idea of the final picture, but all I see is a jumbled mess.

***

The day goes by quickly, until it's time for Literature. Professor Smith isn't here when I arrive early this morning, so I sit down on the wooden bench outside the classroom. I patiently wait for five minutes but when she still doesn't show, I pull out a book and begin reading. I get lost in the world of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy for the next ten minutes. I would continue re-reading if it weren't for the girl tapping my shoulder.

"Do you know if she's here today?" she asks. She sits behind me in class and borrowed one of my pens but never returned it. There's a crowd of impatient students banging on the classroom door.

"No." My voice is quiet. I was so caught up in reading I didn't even notice them show up.

"Awesome. Let's go," she says, but to the group of girls behind her who don't hesitate to leave. I watch them go and go back to my reading.