Lavender

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The drive back to the campus is comfortable. Holden tries to touch my thigh again, but I swat his large hand away. He rolls his eyes, but I notice the smile under his disgruntled expression. I feel a twinge of sorrow when he drives onto campus and parks in the student parking lot close to the dorm.

"Did you write award-winning novel stuff today?" He asks me.

"I wrote what I planned to today. I'm not sure about it being good enough to win awards though." I laugh nervously. I'm surprised I got any work done because of how distracting he was and how much we talked. I swear we didn't stop talking until the moon shone a little brighter, telling us to finally leave the beach. But I got my work done, so it's a win-win situation. I feel a little closer to him now; he's opening up to me and it makes me so happy.

"Don't say that. I've read what you're writing, and it's better than anything I've read," he says, making me blush from head to toes.

"Then the next time we hang out, we are just reading my favorite books."

"I didn't know we be the nerdy kind of friends."

"Reading does not make you a nerd." I laugh, and he smiles.

He cocks his head to the side, his smile broadening. "Do you think we would have been friends in high school?"

The question comes out of nowhere and I take a moment to truly think.

"Honestly? No. I was so focused on getting into this college; I probably wouldn't have ever noticed you. Unless you were more disruptive in high school." I gesture to his bruise and dried blood on his collar.

He laughs and tilts his chin back. "I was even worse. I got into fights nearly every single day. Got arrested a couple times. I did everything you would have hated."

"Why did you do all of those things?"

He pauses and blows out a breath. "Because I was a fucked-up kid. I still am to this day, but I'm... calmer now."

"You're calm?" I scoff and pick at his bloodied shirt. I just notice the blood splatter on the hem. I really hope there are any injuries other than the bruise on his face and his busted knuckles and split lower lip.

"Yeah, I am. I would have gotten arrested for more than just graffiti. That bar fight I walked away from would have ended worse if you weren't there to save me. In a way, I am calmer than I was a year ago. And I think I know why..." He turns sideways to look at me. Something flashes across his eyes.

My breathing hitches and he smiles. He can't mean me though, right? I try to wrap my head around the thought of him believing I had anything to do with him 'calming down.' My emotions are struggling to keep in order, so I look away and stare at the handle on the car door.

"I can't be why you're calmer, Holden," I say quietly.

"Why can't you be? If I hadn't met you, I would have been fighting a guy in a holding cell and fighting again the second I got let out. But, here I am, with you, trying my hardest to figure out why you're not running out of here already."

I turn back to look at him, and the sincerity in his eyes capture me.

"What are you trying to say?" I ask him.

"I... I have no fucking clue," he admits and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "I usually know what I am doing or saying. I usually have control... but you're making it hard to control anything." His honesty is refreshing, and a little terrifying. I am not used to hearing what he's thinking or feeling.