Lavender

Chapter Twenty-One

When I wake up the next morning, I receive a text from Wyatt wishing me good morning with a kissy face and another from my parents checking in on me. I assure my parents I am fine and really miss them. Which is true. I'm planning on visiting them soon. Even if they are in the middle of yet another argument even though they're divorced. And to Wyatt, I smile and wish him a good morning as well with a heart emoji. He sends an array of kissy faces, which makes me laugh. He's being extra sweeter lately. I momentarily wonder if he knows about my cheating but quickly expel the thought. He has always been like this because he loves me, and I shouldn't question him. I send him a few lovey-dovey emojis before getting ready for school.

Classes go by quickly like the day before, until it's time for English Literature. I drag my feet as I walk along the path and think about skipping the class altogether, but I decide against it. I won't let Holden make me skip out on a class I enjoy just because he is a manwhore. I will just ignore him if he shows up today and focus on class. Which won't be hard considering we are discussing one of my favorite classic novels.

When I arrive, Professor Smith greets me with a smile and we make conversation about her going to her friend's baby shower on Saturday. Being in her later thirties, she doesn't have any children and doesn't plan on having any, but she admits she did love seeing her friend happy. We joke about how early I get to class, and she teases she should bring me snacks to munch on while we wait for the rest of the class to come. I smile the entire time and listen intently, genuinely talking with her. She's a nice woman, much nicer than I assumed college professors would be. When she whispers to me I might be her favorite student, I laugh out loud at the same time the door creaks open and friendly chatter fills the room by students.

"What's so funny?" Holden asks as he sits beside me. His tone is cold and unforgiving.

I stop laughing but don't look at him. "The fact that you think I want to speak to you."

"Like I want to speak to you after what you said to me," he scoffs and looks forward as well.

Why is he so angry? He is the one who made out with another girl the day after I was vulnerable with him and let him do the most intimate thing to me. All I said was the truth. But that doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about how I said it.

We don't speak to each other for the rest of class. I participate in the discussion and answer detailed questions with even more details. I get playfully winks from Professor Smith and force a smile, not in the good mood I was in before class started. When class is dismissed, I pack up my things and walk out of the door.

I'm jogging down the steps when I hear Holden call out behind me, "Lavender!" but I descend the steps faster, almost tripping on the last one. Firmly planted on the ground, I walk onto the grass and pretend I didn't hear him. But he catches up with me and stares down at me. I still pretend not to see him and, annoyed by my persistence to act like he doesn't exist, he grabs my hand and sits us down on one of the beautiful stone benches scattered around the grass.

"What are you doing?" I jerk my hand out of his. "What do you want from me, Holden? I've already let you see me vulnerable and shared my most intimate moment with you. I cheated on my boyfriend for you and I couldn't feel guiltier and more ashamed. And I feel so stupid after seeing you make out with Sophia. Okay? So far I already feel shameful, foolish, and vulnerable. What more could you want me to feel? How far are you going to take this just to get a rise out of me and a laugh out of yourself?" I rant and stand up; he's quiet and watches me with arched eyebrows. "I am tired of feeling around you, because the only feelings are immoral. I said it before, and I mean it even more now—I am done with you." I turn to storm away, but he grabs my hand and pulls me back down onto the bench.