12. I ran from my heart and pain caught up

964 53 19
                                    

-Ciels POV-
I was frozen, everything was spinning. I felt like if I tried to move a muscle, I would fall apart. Break into tiny pieces that couldn't be put together again. I'm worried. This is what worry feels like? Like your stomach is eating itself, you can't decide, you feel like one wrong move could tear your whole world apart.

I tried to take deep breaths, but they only stopped in my throat, depriving me of the air I so yearned for.

I was looking at the ground, hugging the teddy bear that still sat in between my shaky arms. I wanted to destroy something, it would probably help me calm down. But no. I was stuck. Like I was sinking in quick sand that couldn't wait for me to take my last breaths.

A toned hand rested on my hip, squeezing it to comfort me. It was hard enough to bruise me, did he do it on accident? Though it's what I wanted. I wanted to be bruised. It's better than feeling...whatever I was feeling. Something to distract me.

Realizing after a minute that I was suffocating from forgetting to breath. I took a deep, trembling breath in and the same one out, but shorter.

"Ciel", a voice of velvet tugged at my ears, "what's wrong? Are you alright?", Sebastian asked, looking me in my eyes; eyes that still rested it's gaze on the floor.

No. I couldn't do this. I didn't want to drown. I was still above the surface, knee deep, but above it. I didn't know what was underneath me. I could have been sinking into flowers. My favorite kind, ones I knew all to well. A smell that blocked my nose with its sweet aroma.
Or, it could be the darkness. Something I hated to be alone in. But the real scary thing was thinking you weren't alone.
Darkness: where the light never dwells, because then it's not darkness. Where anything could come and eat you alive. Where it could take years of searching in a maze to find the light, but it may be to late.
I didn't want to drown in the darkness.
I didn't want to take the chance. It could have been flowers. It could have been darkness. But I'm scared, and whenever I'm scared...I run.

I ran. Though the door, down the hallways, out the main door, into the yard, out of the woods, making my way into town, over the park, and then I stopped.
I don't know how long I ran. It felt like forever, and at the same time it didn't. My legs were sore, I wanted to fall, I wanted someone to catch me. But I ran.
They were burning, each limb, each muscle, each bone, they were weathering.

Panting, I looked at the door I stopped at: home. I fell to the ground, letting my knees fall on the hard concrete of the porch. Letting my hands fall to the ground as well, I coughed. Each and every cough was more painful than the last, more and more of what used to be inside of me flying out, until I saw blood.

My throat was on fire. I wasn't used to running, never really had to. A throbbing pain shot through my head. A headache was present as well, along with some raspy breathing, my asthma.

Humming in disappointment at myself for being weak, I opened the door to be greeted by a silent house. Madam Red must be at her work, there were meetings today.

I walked to the kitchen and drank some cold water. It soothed my throat of the fire that burned inside. After more than three cups, I was calmed. Finally, I came back to what happened just now, what I did just now.

Groaning in frustration, I put my head down on the table I currently sat at, hearing a light thud when I did. I jumped at the sound and looked down at the table then at myself.

The necklace.

The one Sebastian presented to me, oh so professionally, hanging off my neck. How did he get it on me? I guess I was to distracted, he is a demon for gods sake. I admired it. The two blue jewels in one, it was mesmerizing. It fit exactly with my size. The chain wasn't to bulky or long, the same with the pendent. It made me smile.

After examining the necklace carefully, now that I have it in my grasp, I remembered why I didn't have it in my grasp when I first saw it.

Sebastian.

I left him there, thinking he did something wrong. I ran. How could I, he did so much for me and I cowered!!

Well he did try and kill me, I think? But he didn't! He cared for me! I got sick! He got me a bunny. He cherished my things, it made me feel so good!

Being too consumed with self hatred I didn't even realize the tears that were now staining my cheeks, and the snot that ran out my nose.

I sniffed and blew my nose with the tissue that always sat on the counter, just in case. I slammed my fist on the desk, yelling as loud as I could, getting it all out. I needed this, but I needed comfort even more; I left it.

Everything around me was blurred out, only the echo of the last words I heard the demon say ringed in my ears, playing them over and over again, 'Are you alright?'

Screaming again, I finally shook my head and stomped out the door of the house. I needed to go back, I needed to explain. I was in even more pain without him, I might as well take the risk. I guess if I drown, there will still be a piece of him guiding me threw it all.

I decided not to run again, it would only leave me in worse shape. I wanted to make him feel better not guilty. I slowly walked to the huge manor, not even half way there yet after 20 minuets in. I was walking slow on purpose. My mind told me to speed up but that only made my feet slower. But it doesn't matter, I'm gonna get there, even if it takes an hour.

~30 minuets later~

STILL NOT EVEN CLOSE! I really need to pick up the pace. I sighed at my speed, wanting nothing more than them to at least try to go faster. I just concentrated on them while I worked at it.
*******************
A laugh. I heard a laugh. It was deep and raspy, but there. The sun already had set which made in more difficult to navigate but I'm sure it was there.

Another one. Then another. They were full blown chuckles now.

"Hey baby~! Where ya goin'~!", a voice yelled across the trees I was now walking through.

Oh no, not 'drunkies'.

I just kept walking, I was a little weak right now and would not like to accommodate anymore trouble.

Just then a man appeared in front of me and grabbed my wrist tightly. I kicked and trashed, refusing to say anything or make a sound just to arouse the low lifes' even more. I hit him right in the balls, and started to jog.

Dammit! Is this really as fast as I can go!
I got sad that I could run faster away from Sebastian than some drunk retards. Which without my knowledge, slowed me down.

One of them caught up and pulled my neck, throwing me to the ground. I grunted as an electric pain went through my skull. Ugh, I hit my head. I put my hand on the sore, feeling a liquid; blood. It was thick and there was plenty, making me lightheaded and dizzy.

There were now three of them, laughing their asses off without a care in the world. I gritted my teeth and shot one of them in the stomach with a gun I keep, just in case. It was then grabbed from me and thrown aside. The now remaining two men didn't even care that their comrade was now on the floor crying for help.

They started to grab on my clothes, the loss of blood making me to weak for me to really do anything even though I tried.

Tears of mine fell on the gravel path as I tried to get my vision back to normal and make the ringing in my ear stop. However I was stable enough to hear one of them yell-talk an, "Ooh pretty! Must cost lots, just like your body!", and I felt my brand new necklace be ripped from my neck.

More tears fell as I cried out. "Help!", "Stop!", "Please!"
I was weak, right now I didn't feel like the person who sliced Elizabeth and sold her, I felt like a kid, a child who wanted their mommy. Right now I wanted what I barely even heard myself yell as the men's hands went up my shirt, "SEBASTIAN!!!" It was all I remember hearing before I fell into a dark void; unconscious.

I wanted Sebastian.
************************************
Is there any different chapters you guys can suggest because I'm not sure I like this one. Hope you liked it. This story is slowly coming to an end. But more will come. Enjoy further chapters!

Stained with the color red (SebaCiel AU)Where stories live. Discover now