unforgettable ✧ smokepump

SIXTEEN

"sometimes you just have to let go"

gazzy

i knew this shit would happen.

i knew it. as much as i pushed it to the back of my mind, i knew that catching feelings for omar would be a bad idea. no matter how badly i want him to be mine, now i have to pay the price for so idiotically trusting him and allowing him into my heart only so that he could smash it into pieces with just one simple exchange of words.

i don't know why i deluded myself into thinking anything different would happen. i really had hope that omar was going to cuff me and love me and be my boyfriend, and look what that got me: crying in the middle of jahseh's bathroom floor as i try to look for the pieces of my shattered heart.

maybe i really am just as dumb as everyone had always said i am.

it was quite pathetic of me. i had been trying to keep it together all day, even after omar harshly turned me down after we left the fair, i was trying to hold it in and not cry over some nigga who doesn't care about me.

but here i am, sobbing against the wall as i sat on the cold tiled floor, because i had reached my limit. i couldn't hold it in anymore.

i decided to leave the house and go over to jahseh's, because being in the same house, not to mention the same room as omar would be too awkward. i couldn't even look at him without feeling crushed. i could have gone to diego's, but kimetrius was over there too, and the last thing my heartbroken ass wanted to see was a happy ass couple being happy together right now.

he did tell me that if i needed anything i could always call him or ki, and he almost didn't want to leave me being as upset as i was and he told me that i was welcome to come over several times before i insisted that i was fine (i'm not) which i appreciated.

so that lead me to where i am now: having a mental breakdown in jahseh's bathroom

i'm guessing i was crying pretty loud, despite my attempts to calm myself down, because next, i heard the door sling open and i felt jahseh wrapping his arms around me as he sat on the floor along with me.

"gazzy, don't cry. please don't cry. it's ok." he tried to comfort me as tears poured out of my bloodshot eyes.

i couldn't even say anything. it all hurt too much. i just nodded and kept crying as i held onto jahseh weakly, buring my head in his shoulder as i cried.

jahseh just rubbed my back and continued to soothe me. "you wanna come in my room and talk about it? i'm tired of sitting on this hard ass floor." he asked softly, his words slightly slurred due to him being a bit tipsy.

i nodded and stood up, allowing him to lead me to his bedroom so that i could go cry there instead of in the bathroom.

as soon as we got there, i collapsed on his bed and started crying again, repeating the whole process with jahseh consoling me and me just sobbing like the pathetic person i am.

it was actually kinda unfair to jahseh if you think about it. he's going through his own heartbreak with stokeley's stank ass right now, and here he is, trying to console me when he had his own shit to work through.

eventually i stopped sobbing enough for me to talk, and i said exactly that.

"i'm sorry jah," i wiped the tears from my eyes even though they kept coming. "you... you have your own problems right now and i'm just dumping mine on you because i'm just a pathetic-"