Thirty-Five.
You wrapped your arms around me tighter as I choked on those last few words. We'd been sitting here for hours as I, bit by bit, told you the story of my parents. It would get hard, and I would stop and sob for a bit. But you just patiently sat and waited, playing with strands of my hair until the tears faded a little, and I could speak again. I was done now though, and it felt like these tears wouldn't end. I still couldn't believe all this, and while I'd dealt with it alright when I first heard and read it all, it was starting to get to me. I think I was just in shock first, and now I'd reached the phase of somehow making up for the six years of grieving that I never had - because I never knew.
As I started to settle down and getting myself together a little bit, and noticed how quiet it had gotten. It can't have been closing time yet, because the staff would have come in to get their stuff- and they hadn't. But it must have been getting close, because while I heard muffled voices and music, it wasn't as noisy as it was during peak hours. I lifted my head.
"What time is it?"
"Half past two in the morning." You replied.
"Wow."
We sat in silence for a while.
"Thank you." I said quietly.
"It's okay. I'd rather be there when you're like this, than being somewhere else knowing you're like this; or not knowing, and just wondering if you're okay."
I smiled a little. I'd pushed you away or tried to run, so many times. Somehow you just always came back. I knew why now though - because fate was trying to tell me that I needed you. And it was true, I did need you. I could finally admit that.
"How did you know I was here?"
"Megan called."
I tilted my head in question. Yes, Megan knew of your existence. Yes, Megan knew your name. Yes, Megan was convinced trying to push you out of my life was a bad idea. But how on earth did Megan call you? I didn't even have your number - why did she? I shook my head.
"What?" Was the only question I managed to phrase from all that.
You laughed a little.
"You're cute when you're confused."
"Shut up," I said, though I couldn't help but grin.
You sighed.
"Megan is my sister."
Now, that, I didn't see coming. I tried to mentally picture Megan next to you, and pick out the similarities. Then the smarter part of me kicked the other, and brought up the first issue with that.
"Aren't you guys like, the same age?"
"To the day. We're twins."
"You're kidding."
"Nope."
"Wow. Talk about small world."
You laughed a little again.
"Come on, let's get you home."
You grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I got my bag and we stepped out into the night. It was freezing cold, but I didn't even notice; instantly comforted by the weight and warmth of your arm around my shoulders. We walked through the streets, and you deliberately took me on what I knew by now was the longest possible way to get to my apartment. I smiled, and just kept walking wherever you took me. I didn't need to go back to the apartment. Right now, I didn't even need to sleep. Granted, the second you left I would feel very differently, but for now having been up for sixteen or so hours straight didn't matter.
We walked into a dead-end alleyway, and I stopped and looked at you in question. You nodded encouragingly, your eyes begging me to trust you. So I took your hand and followed you into the darkness. It was too dark for me to see even the slightest contours, yet my fear of the darkness and of the unknown failed to take over. I followed your every step, mirroring your every move to avoid dumpsters and the like. You stopped and let go of my hand. I reached out to find a metal ladder on the side of the building. The fire escape, I guessed.
"Come on," you said.
I wrapped my hands around the cold metal, and started climbing up after you. Once I got close to the top, the full moon started to light things up a bit. I could see the top of the building, the end of the ladder. I stepped over the waist-high ledge, and onto the roof. From up here, I could see all of Manchester. Well, roof tops and whatever else was lucky enough to get some light from somewhere
anyways.
We walked to the other side, and amidst darkened buildings silhouetted by the silvery light of the moon and the occasional streetlight, I saw the river. Even from here, the gentle waves glistened softly in the light, and I could hear the faintest touch of them brushing up against the banks. There was a boat, too. It was covered in lights and flowers, and white ribbons. On it, people at tables, a stage, a band, and a dance floor with a few couples. In the centre of it all, a bride and a groom.
I felt your arms around my waist as you stood behind me.
"I told you this would never fade," you whispered into my ear.
I felt myself smile. I turned to face you. Your eyes transfixed to mine, you wrapped your arms around my waist and pulled me closer. Without any input of my mind, my hands cupped your face and my eyes closed. We moved slowly, savouring every split second of this moment.
"I know," I whispered back, just as our lips touched.
The sound of the music carried across the river, and passed us on its way to disappear into the endlessness of the night sky. I rested my head against your chest, as we started dancing. I closed my eyes and just let my feet follow your every step, and my hips sway with the music. It all seemed so simple. Right then and there, that was life- in a nutshell. You stop thinking and close your eyes, and just go with it. You dance to the song you're given, because the boat is too far away to change the track. What you can change, is who you dance with, and where.
And right then and there, I wanted nothing more than you, and nothing but you.
The boat began to disappear into the distance, and the music was becoming nothing but a faint beat in the distance, but we kept dancing. We were lost in a moment where a city of millions was dead silent, and we weren't going to waste it. I knew better than that by now. Just like I knew better than to let go the person who could make me feel like this, no matter how loud it was. When I was with you, every now and then, time would stop, for a single moment. A moment that was ours and ours alone. A moment where nothing else in the world mattered even the tiniest bit. A moment where I forgot what hurt me and, in turn, remembered what kept me breathing. A moment where I stopped doubting.
I put my arms around your neck, and looked up into your eyes. I'd never seen a deeper blue; I'd never seen eyes I could so easily lose myself in. I could stand for hours, just watching them, and in the end I'd be happier than any conversation could possibly leave me. Somehow, your eyes said everything. Always. For the first time in a long time with us, there was no urgency in this. No desperation, nothing to make us feel like we didn't have forever and a day to be together. Nothing to make us feel like any second now, something would tear us apart. For the first time in a long time, this was more 'hello' than 'goodbye'.
I stood on my tippy-toes, and you dropped your head to bring your face to mine, and kissed me. And at four in the morning, under a million tiny, twinkling stars in a cloudless sky, amidst the silence of the five million souls of Manchester, I think I fell in love.
