Thirty-Six.
I began to see the first glimpses of daylight on the way back to my apartment. The first people started stepping out of their homes, into their cars, down the steps to the subway, or into the bus stops. Others were already unlocking offices and stepping inside; or, worse, were already inside watching people like you and me walking along outside, already wishing the day was over. I know I wasn't really one to talk about wishing your life away, but I sincerely hoped I wouldn't end up like that. I never wanted to go to work every day wishing it was the end of the day already. Sure, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life- you know, beyond bartending and waitressing - but one day I would find just what I wanted to do and I wouldn't be like that. The day I got too bored, I would simply find a different job. Switch profession, if necessary. Call me naive and simple-minded, and maybe unrealistic, but that was what I was intent on doing. Once I'd figured out just what I wanted to do, of course. I trusted that would hit me one day or another.
I turned the key in my door, pushed it open and went to walk in, expecting you would follow. Instead, you put an arm around my waist and pulled me back to you, bending down to kiss me lightly on the lips.
"I'll see you soon." You whispered, and turned.
"Bye." I quietly replied as I watched you make your way down the stairs.
I knew I would see you soon, and I knew why you didn't come in. I knew what I needed most right now was sleep, and I knew I could very well do that alone. I knew I didn't even have any sort of right to have expected you to come in with me in the first place, and I knew I needed to stop falling into habits like that, when they're so irrational. Even so though, all I wanted to do that moment was rush down the stairs, catch up to you, jump into your arms and leave with you. Or stay with you. In reality, I knew that if I were to rush down those stairs right now, I was likely to trip over my own feet, topple down and land face down at your feet. You'd then make sure I was okay, then tell me everything I already knew, and tell me you'll see me soon. I sighed. I really needed to stop over-thinking things.
I fell into bed, knowing I really needed to call Megan to see if I was in any trouble with Roland for just leaving like that last night. My head hit the pillow, and I felt a smile on my face. Calling Megan could wait.
&&&
It was almost lunchtime when I woke up. While I felt a little less exhausted, I wasn't entirely sure whether that nap was worth it. Maybe I should have had a shower beforehand, or put on pyjamas or at least taken off everything but underwear. But naps in night-time, bartending clothes didn't end well. I was sore, everything was pinching, my hair was a mess from desperately trying to get comfortable, and my head hurt from failing and lying awkwardly for five or six hours.
I dragged myself out of bed, shedding clothes on my short way to the bathroom. Half asleep, I turned the cold water knob instead of the hot water one, and shrieked and jumped when I stepped into the shower about thirty seconds later. I reached for the hot water knob, but as my hand touched it I realised how refreshing this was. Yes, freezing cold. But invigorating somehow. Like a fresh breath of life, like pouring colour back into a life that had gone black and white. As always when I showered, the radio was on and the speakers were on full volume. So I danced under the cold water like a child, screaming the wrong words to the song that was playing, feeling ridiculous yet happily so.
I was still laughing when I turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I got as far as the main living and dining area before another song came on the radio. And this one was just too good to miss. So with soaking wet, cold hair falling over my shoulders and in my face, wrapped in a bright orange towel I danced and sang quite loudly in the tiny space that called itself my living room. I think my phone rang, and the knocking sound was probably actually the door and not a part of the song. I realised I was right when the song ended, and I finally turned down the stereo, and looked to the doorway to find you standing in it, grinning.
