Forty-Three.
I woke up alone. But, amazingly enough, my stomach had settled and my head had stopped hurting. I turned to face your alarm clock- midday. So I'd had a decent sleep in. Then again, it must've been around two or three in the morning when we fell asleep last night. I could faintly smell bacon and eggs, and realised I was awfully hungry. I found a shirt and underwear and sat up. I felt weak, physically. Kind of dizzy and unbalanced. But I knew a bit of food would settle that again. I hadn't eaten properly in days, and the alcohol hadn't made any better.
The door opened and you stepped through, with a tray of food and some juice. You sat next to me, and placed the tray between us.
"I thought you might be hungry." You kissed me softly on the lips.
"Thanks." I smiled.
It was so perfect. There was a plate with bacon, scrambled eggs and toast. Alongside it, some cut up fruit and a big glass of orange juice. We shared breakfast, never taking our eyes off each other. I watched that playful little sparkle in your eyes, and you took in every little bit of my face. We ate in silence, and though the occasional giggle broke it, it always returned. But I was okay with that. Silence with you had never been, and still wasn't, a bad thing at all. We didn't need words to talk. We could speak a thousand words, in just one glance. I loved that.
I thought about what you said last night, as I was dozing off. It felt strange to not feel strange about it. It didn't scare me, it didn't make me want to push you away or leave, or quickly detach myself. Quite the contrary, actually. It made me want to be closer to you, it made me want to never, ever let go. And best of all - I'd been too scared still to say it back. I needed a while to figure out how I felt about it. But you hadn't been offended, nor did you seem to be waiting for a response. And you still weren't. A smile spread across my face, and you leaned over and kissed me.
&&&.
I decided to go home sometime that afternoon. I knew I had a fair bit of cleaning up to do, and just generally had to check up on the place- and have a really good sleep so I could face Roland tomorrow, and hopefully somehow keep my job. The first few steps out of your building were cautious ones. I was unsure of what would happen when I returned to my apartment. I feared the emotions would overwhelm me when I was alone, and that I'd be right back to where I was two days ago. I didn't want to think about Benn. It was too soon for that. I couldn't do it yet, not without feeling guilty and sick to my stomach. I couldn't do that yet without missing him uncontrollably and having a million if only's enter my mind.
You must have noticed, because you appeared at my side and laced your fingers through mine, gently pulling me with you. The whole way to my apartment, I attempted to be sneaky; trying to get you to walk huge detours with me, just to delay getting there. But you caught me every time, and didn't let us wander off track.
"It'll be fine." You assured.
"Yeah, says you."
"Don't be so childish."
I stuck my tongue out and stopped walking.
"You're kidding." You frowned.
"Nope."
"Oh for God's sake..."
You picked me up and put me over your shoulder, then started walking towards my apartment again. I protested heavily, kicking and screaming though I couldn't help but laugh. This was so stupid, and we were attracting so much unnecessary attention, but I didn't even care anymore. It was just plain fun. When I was with you, I never minded the attention. I didn't feel embarrassment anymore, because I was too happy. I didn't care what people thought about us, because you made me happier than I'd ever been. Every day I spent with you was the new best day of my life.
