Afraid of Falling - Logince & Logicality

Epilogue

After three miraculous years with Patton, I had finally gathered enough courage to do what I never thought I would have to: propose. How was I proposing? With a treasure hunt. It was rather simple, but the clues were embedded in things that I thought were big symbols of our relationship. It started where we always sat to read, by the big plush chair and the spinning chair.

* * *

I invited Patton to the library, since he was at work and as he texted me to say he was coming, I set off to work. Quickly running around the library, I check to make sure everything in place. Finally, I hear my phone go off with Patton's customized ringtone (he put it in himself, it was the first few notes of the Hedwig Theme from Harry Potter) and I quickly make my way to Patton and I's sacred reading spot. There, I see Patton examining a piece of pottery, a.k.a. the first clue.

Since the treasure hunt modeled our relationship, it seemed only fair that the first clue was where we first met: the pottery studio. Engraved onto the pottery were the words, "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside, I read about it in Hogwarts: A History. -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone."

To me, a big moment was when I took Patton's book advice and started reading the Harry Potter series, so it became the second clue. I watch as Patton traces out the words on the pottery, even muttering them quietly in his best British accent.

He seems to realize that he's meant to find the first book of the Harry Potter series, so he does. Digging through the shelves, and pumping his fist in victory, he takes out the novel. Placed in it, is a Hufflepuff bookmark, marking the page where the famous quote is.

He gingerly removes the bookmark and I see his face light up as he reads the next clue: "A place where you saved me from total and utter humiliation," and then an arrow pointing forward. Patton takes the hint and I watch him disappear around the corner, but I still hear a little giggle of delight, for, what I could only assume was that he found the menu of the restaurant where we had had our first "date".

I sneak around the bookshelves just in time to hear him mutter out the next clue, "Every night you called me at precisely 7:00 p.m. Go to the place where one would make phone calls such as yours."

This one, I admit, is relatively hard. But Patton's smart, I know it, and I know he'll figure it out.

He does after a few minutes of contemplating and runs outside to where an old phone box, English style, is. No one quite knows why the phone box is here of all places, but no one dares to remove it, and now it's part of the library's "aesthetic".

As he eagerly opens the phone box, I realize it's my cue to get back to the last place: a cherry blossom tree (Patton's favorite type of tree) with fairy lights strung atop its branches, and below it, lies a picnic blanket and all of Patton's favorites sweets.

I sneak back to it, and do the only thing I can, and ironically, the only thing I'm sick of: wait.

* * *

I lean against the tree and I finally see Patton make his way over to it.

This is it, Logan. This is what you've wanted for over two years. It's time to give Patton what Roman always tried to give to you: forever.

"Hey, love," I say and he looks up quickly, his attention drawn away from the decorations.

"Logan! You did this all for me? You shouldn't have," he says bashfully.

"Of course I should've," I say, going over towards him and gently kissing his cheek before silently motivating myself. "Patton?" I get down on one knee, the grass surely staining my slacks, but I can hardly think about that now.

"I haven't been an amazing person, not even close. But the opposite can be said about you. You've been there with me, through and through, and I only want to do the same for you. So Patton," I remove a black velvet box from my back pocket. It contained two rings I had bought earlier: simple silver bands, one has a light blue gem in it, and the other has a dark blue one.

"Will you marry me? And be my forever?"

Patton's hand flies to his mouth and I see tears forming in his eyes. He's silent. Too silent. I feel my heart begin to break.

"Is that a no then? If it is, I under-" I'm suddenly tackled to the ground. A sloppy kiss is pressed to my lips, but it's filled with passion and love and a million unspoken emotions.

And just like that, I feel my heart heal again.

Patton pulls away. "Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, you dummy, yes," Patton exclaims. I gently take his left hand and place the ring with the light blue stone onto his ring finger.

He gestures for my hand and my ring and gingerly places the ring on my finger.

"Patton, I love you," I say for what must be the millionth time as I meet his eyes that are crinkling from the smile that spreads on his face.

"I love you too. Always, and forever."

* * *

I sweep Patton into a dance, and though there's no music, we sway to a tune that's just between us. The sun is slowly but surely setting and the fairy lights glow like beacons in the night.

After what could have been hours or minutes of silence, only broken by kisses or the muttering of "I love you", Patton speaks.

"Logan? Can I ask you something?" he says in a hushed tone. I nod against his shoulder.

"Why did it take so long? Not to be pushy, and you don't have to answer the question if you don't want to. But, I showed affection for you for so long, and you never returned it, until you did three years ago. I know it was a long time ago, but it was always something I wondered about. So why?"

I swallow. Somewhere in my subconscious, I had suspected he would ask eventually. It was only right that he knew.

"I was afraid," I whisper softly.

"Afraid of what?" Patton asks, always so gentle.

"Afraid of falling," I admit. "I had been hurt so badly, I just... I didn't want to happen again. I didn't think I could survive it."

"Oh Logan," Patton says softly. We're so close now, his face only millimeters away. I can make out every freckle on his face.

"But," I begin. "I don't mind falling. As long as I'm falling for you."

Patton smiles and blushes, his eyes conveying all the emotions that can't possibly be spoken. If they were, they would lose their meaning.

Somehow, we had gotten impossibly closer during our short conversation. Patton's breath fans my face, and I lean forward, connecting our lips.

This kiss isn't like the others. It isn't passionate, or heartbreaking, or breath-stealing. It's a promise. A promise of forever.

It's been zero years, zero months, and zero days since I was last in love.

The End