the lives of butterflies

year 4 - choices (spring)

"Kai, ever tried push-ups?"

"I don't believe so, Master. What are they?"

"It's an exercise you do on the floor. You set yourself up like this..."

Exercise? Like the kind we did in the classroom, with reading and writing? But I watch him kneel on the ground, then use only his hands and toes to balance himself.

He looks up to make sure I'm watching. "And then you lower yourself..."

His whole body lowers. I stare at him, watch the muscles in his arms. Then he pushes himself back up, his arms straightening again.

"Then you... y'know... push up." He sits on his knees again. "And that's one push-up."

"Okay," I say.

"You try."

"Yes, Master." I'm suddenly nervous. I think about his arm muscles and how much larger they were compared to mine. What if I couldn't do them? I shift onto my knees, like how he started, then move onto my hands and toes. My body shakes. I look down when a draft of air seeps through my shirt, which now hangs off of me, exposing my chest. And my tail lifts in the air, like a dog. My stomach contracts like it's trying to hold me up, but I continue shaking. I swallow. "Is this good, Master?"

His eyes are large, his mouth open. "Uh... yeah. Uh... it'll feel... weird at first, since... you haven't done them before..." His eyes shift from mine to... where? My backside? "Uh... now try to push-up."

I take a deep breath, then lower my arms like how he did. Not only are my arms aching, but so is my chest. I struggle to push from the floor, my whole body shaking. My arms collapse and I'm on the floor, my tail slowly drooping to rest along my legs, my heart racing. I speak to the floor when I say, "I'm sorry, Master. I tried."

It's quiet, then his breath comes out like sneezes, then to full laughter. "Oh my God! After all the work you do, you're still so weak, Kai." He crawls over to ruffle my hair and scratch behind my ears. "Looks like we have more to learn than just letters and numbers."

"I think so too, Master." I'm still lying on the floor, face down, but smiling. My tail rises at his touch. "Let us try again tomorrow."

"Yeah. I could train you. And then you can have actual muscles. And do real push-ups."

First literacy, and now this. I remember the titles he used. Was I a servant or a friend? I roll over and sit up. "Whatever you'd like, Master. I will do it."

"Oh, yeah?" He's still smiling. "You sure about that? Still, after everything we talked about?"

I tilt my head. Was he talking about the day after our lesson? If I liked something or not? If I could choose what I wanted?

He leans close to my ear, his cold hand lightly around my neck, on my collar. "How about you..." My hair raises when I feel the warm tickle of his whisper. "...kill a chicken for me, right now?"

Oh...

I shiver at his order, or was it from his voice in my ear? My voice is hushed, like his. "Is that all right with Mother and Father, though? Which chicken would be okay to kill?"

"Hm..." He pulls back, his voice returning to normal. "I'll show you. One of the older ones."

We go into the yard and he watches the chickens move around. Then he points. "That one. He'll be for dinner."

"Master, are you sure this is okay with Mother and Father?"

"We'll just say... he wasn't feeling well. So. Kill him."