Prices to Pay//Michael Langdon

Let Her Go

I never would have thought that I could amount to such evil, and I can't help but feel a sense of shame for every single person that I will harm if I continue on with Michael, I can't take the shame of killing seven billion people. Maybe I'm all apart of Michael's plan, maybe he never even really cared about me in the first place. I can't believe that I'm in a huge conspiracy that's about to end the world- willingly. What kind of sick antichrist worshiper wants to end the world for the man that she loves? Unfortunately, I am guilty of that charge. The number of emotions that run throughout my tired mind is infinite, I feel like I've failed my greatest mission in life. The one thing that I needed to do was kill Michael, but I was young, stupid, naive, and in love. I fell in love with the fucking antichrist, how could I do that? I've been so selfish these past years with Michael that I am literally putting the world into the hands of the spawn of Satan, maybe I'm the evil one here.

For a while, I thought that maybe Satan spawned me as the lover of the antichrist. How could anyone love someone so vile whilst having the same magical powers? The only thing that made sense to me was that I am either his greatest enemy or his equal. I've never been so confused in my life and Michael has made my life a confusing mess of wrong and right. I truly feel evil and disgusted when I think of all of the things that I have done for Michael, there's no justification that could avenge every countless soul that was harmed. I've lost my purpose, I've already missed my chance to save the world. I'm useless, what else is there to live for? Sooner rather than later, the world will come to an end and I will be to blame, it will all be my fault. I suppose my time is coming sooner than I thought.

I can't escape my thoughts as I stare at myself blankly in the bathroom mirror. Look at me, I look just as sick as I am in my head. The darkness that lies just beneath my pale skin is repulsive, every time I even think of all of the vile things that I have done in my past I throw up. I'm so disgusted with myself that it physically pains me, I can barely look at myself without bawling my eyes out. I don't want my life anymore, I think it's finally time.

I've contemplated for the past week on how to do it, I just never knew when to do it. Now is the time. I thought about going to the Hotel to be with my good friend James at my time of passing, but I would never want him to see me weak. He has taught me to be strong at my points of weakness, I would never want to betray him like this. I've thought about turning to the coven, but I killed almost all of the witches, they would be thrilled to kill me. I can't give Cordelia the honor that she so desperately wants. I couldn't ask Michael to help me, he would just convince me to live and be evil with him. Unfortunately, I truly do not have the mental capacity to do so. In some other life, I would have loved to be with Michael. I would have had his children, I would have been his wife, but I was cursed with my powers. It could never happen, no matter how selfish and desperate I may be. When I die, I will die alone. I'll make it quick and simple, no bullshit. Slitting my wrists and then falling onto the cold hard ground is the way it has to be. If I fancied guns, I would have pressed the cold metal against my forehead and pulled the trigger, but I can't bring myself to do it. My death will be painful and I will suffer greatly whilst burning in the eternal flames of Hell, it's what I deserve.

I've got everything prepared, it's time. Looking at myself in the mirror I begin to powder my face with various shades of blusher and bronzer, I slowly coat my lips with a layer of wet gloss, and last but not least, I graze my eyelashes individually with a thick black formula. Michael is off somewhere with the newer version of Ms. Mead with the Cooperative, it's now or never. I've spent the entire day cleaning the house so they have something nice to come home to, and then I will be found on the bathroom floor if everything goes as planned.

Earlier, I said my goodbyes to Tate, Vivien, and Ben, I couldn't bring myself to tell Constance that I was leaving Michael. I was her last hope- I was her one shot at making Michael turn away from the dark side- but I have failed her immensely. I'm sure she will see me sooner or later, but being the coward that I am I refuse to tell her myself.

Trying not to cry my makeup off of my face, I pack up my things and throw them in Michael and I's room. Slowly and dreadfully, I walk back towards the bathroom. My head is spinning, my heart is throbbing at a rapid pace, adrenaline is fighting its way through my system. Not even bothering to close the bathroom door, I grab the razor off of the counter. It's never been used before, I figured that I owed myself a clean razor. Raising it and placing it on my forearm, I take a pause and evaluate everything that I am about to do. I can't help but form tears and I watch as the mascara runs down my cheeks, I am weak. This has to be done, I can't take the shame of ending the world. I have let everybody down, and there's nothing I can do to stop him. Looking down, I begin to lift the razor off of my skin and place the edge of the blade on my wrist.

"You should have told me, darling," A familiar voice says behind me and I don't face her, feeling incredibly guilty.

"I couldn't let you down like this," I weep to the Constance as I turn around to face her, she pulls my face into her shoulder and runs her fingers through my long, dark hair. Wrapping my arms around her, I feel her warmth and comfort, I am beyond grateful that this is how I am spending my last moments on earth.

"Look at me, my child," She says to me holding my face up. She gives me a small smile of pity and rubs the tears off of my cheek. "You have done more than I ever could, it's not your fault Natalie," She says and I shake my head.

"It is! It's all my fault, Michael is going to kill all of humanity and when it comes down to it, I will be to blame," I sob, sniffling. "Everybody's death will be on my hands, Mrs. Langdon. There are countless, innocent souls that are going to die, children are going to die! The end of the world is coming and I don't want to be here to see it," I cry as she continues to comfort me.

"Let me see that," She says calmly, looking down at the razor. I shake my head and wipe my eyes, no one can stop me from doing this. Not even her.

"I can't, please you have to let me do this," I whimper feeling as weak as ever.

"Let me help you," She says still as calm as ever as tears stream down her face. I finally understand what she is trying to do so I willingly hand her the sharp blade that is in my hand. "Anything that Michael does will never be your fault, do you understand me?" She asks, silent tears trailing down her cheeks. Her warm hands are still on my face, and I place my  cold hands on hers. "Nobody could have stopped, Michael. You know this, he is too determined," she whispers to me, trying to make my last moments positive. "You have helped Michael in ways that I never could, and he loves you more than you will ever know. He has entrapped you for years, you need to let yourself free." She says and the tears are creeping out of my tear ducts. "Do you love Michael?" She asks me and I nod my head vigorously. "Then you need to let him go,"

She takes the blade and swiftly slashes my neck, my hands immediately go up to my throat as I gasp for air. I see the blood on her favorite, beautiful blue, dress as I feel myself collapse. It's not as painful as I imagined, but I know that my time is shortly coming to an end. Feeling the life drain out of my body I look up to the woman above me who has uncontrollable tears flooding her eyes, "I've always loved you, Natalie, just like my daughters," She says and my mind goes blank.