To Love a Half-Blood (A Kili Fanfic)

Chapter 22: Pushing Away

I'm seething. Rage is boiling up inside me.

Why didn't Legolas come to my aid?

I have no idea and I'm angry.

Its a lucky thing that man was such a bad fighter. He was so much bigger than me and I couldn't use my knives in a crowd like that. I'm weak. What was my brother thinking? He abandoned me!

I continue my furious thoughts as we walk away from the crowd. We're a safe distance away now. My ankle hurts, but I'm too enraged to care. Were walking in silence. Kili puts a hand on my shoulder, I shake it off and speed up my limp to get away from the brothers.

"Lari-sar, you shouldn't walk on it! It'll only make it worse." he calls after me.

Abandoned me. I needed him. He left me alone.

Kili has caught up with me again and jumps in front of me.

"What is wrong with you?!" He shouts, grabbing me by the shoulders.

I clench my fists. I don't want to talk to anyone. My heart aches. I fight tears, masking my misery with anger.

"I'm okay by myself! I don't need anyone!" I scream and pull away from him.

I set out in a run. I can't even feel my ankle. Kili just stands there, confused. My reaction makes no sense. But, none the less, he's hurt.

As soon as I'm out of earshot of Kili and Fili, I start to cry. My brother has always been there when I need him. He's never refused to help me before. I needed him and he just shook his head.

He's a coward. He hates me. Has he finally decided to hate my damned mixed-blood? I'm so weak. He's abandoned me, just like Ada (daddy) and Naneth (mother).

I wrestle with myself for the entire walk. Its dusk by the time we reach the edge of the town. We step off the dock for the first time in days. The solid earth in nice under my feet. The dwarves make a fire as I sit at the lake's edge with one foot in the cold water.

I think Kili is upset that I yelled at him. With time I've come to regret my outburst. It wasn't his fault. But, I'm still not ready to go talk to them. So, I just stare out at the lake and think on the day's events.

There has been so much death. I don't know what is going to happen now.

Where do I belong?

Only a few days ago I had almost thought that I'd found an answer. The dwarves had been promising. The were kind to me. I had dreamed of living with them, but it seems they don't have a home either. It's been a day of disappointment.

I like Kili. He's handsome and good to me. He's funny and clever. He's even brave. But, right now, I'm scared to lose another family. I'm alone and some dark part of me wants to keep it that way.