Elites of Eden: Yarrow Not Rowan

Chapter 16

I wake up refreshed...and confused, because I wake up in Lachlan's bed, again. My head is turned to the side so the first thing I see is the stick figures the children made on his walls. I feel something softly ticking my hand. I turn my head, stiffly, and see Lachlan rubbing his thumb on my knuckles lovingly. He's gazing at the painting of me across the wall.

The events of this morning come back to me. Hawks death, me crying in Lachlan's bed for an hour, me screaming at Lachlan, threatening to leave the Underground, then finally falling asleep in a heap of exhaustion.

The most horrific part is I understand. I understand why Flint killed Hawk. Sweet, loving, respectful Hawk. I almost wish I could go back to Yarrows life. I never had to deal with this when I was Yarrow.

"Lachlan," My groggy voice croaks. Lachlan looks at me then smiles sadly, kissing my hand.

"Hey. How do you feel?" He asks brushing my hair out of my face. I take a deep breath in through my nose as I stretch my free arm.

"I feel..." I have to think about it for a moment. I feel empty, but at the same time I feel too many emotions to explain them. "Tired."

I realize that I've slept too much already today but somehow I'm still tired.

"Go back to sleep." Lachlan caresses my cheek. "I'll go pick you up something to eat."

Sleep sounds heavenly, but so does food considering I haven't eaten all day. Ten minutes later Lachlan walks back in his room with two paper bags in his hands.

"I brought you bacon and toast," He says closing the door behind him. Lachlan and I laugh and eat for the next half hour until all the food is gone. I'm laying down with my head on Lachlan's chest by the end of the night.

"I should go back to my room," I whisper to Lachlan. Neither of us move a muscle. After several minutes I prop myself up on my elbow to look at him.

"Lachlan..." I start tentatively. I'm not sure if I should say it.

"Hmm?" He asks.

"Do you love me?" I ask him. I feel so stupid saying it. I shouldn't be weak or dependent but I feel like I need to know. I have so many voices in my head that I'm not sure what I need to be completely honest.

"Hmm," Lachlan says as if he's thinking about it. I feel my heart shatter. He looks up at the roof, thinking. "I think a part of me loved you from the day I met you, but I knew I loved you when I lost you."

I say nothing.

"What? Did you think I actually had to think about it?" Lachlan chuckles. "No. I didn't have to think about it for a second."

I want to smile and jump for joy. He loves me! I feel so satisfied and accomplished. But I've learned to keep my emotions in check, definitely when it comes to men, and I stare blankly at him.

"What?" I respond in disbelief. Lachlan looks at me and I see such intensity, such longing, such pain, that I almost look away. Lachlan finally sits up to meet me evenly. He puts his hands in my hair and kisses me passionately. The passion isn't frightening, though. Me and Lachlan's lips collide in a beautiful mix of love, passion, and desperation.

When Lachlan pulls away he whispers to me, "I love you, Rowan."

I feel breathless. I don't need confirmation from Lachlan...but I want it. I was so afraid that he couldn't love me because he still thought I was Yarrow, or because I can't remember him.

I lean forward with a huge smile and kiss him excitedly. I feel the smile on his face as I kiss him. We laugh and giggle between kisses. I pull away and look at Lachlan, and realize I haven't thought about it. I haven't truly thought about if I love him.

"Oh," I say softly. I look away from Lachlan, realizing what I've done. I think of everything Lachlan is, how much peace he brings me, how I would do anything for him, and him I. Yes, I love him. Maybe that's what frightens me. "Oh. I love you too."

"Did you have to think about it?" He asks with a grin.

"No, and that's what gave me pause." I lean forward and kiss him again...then pull away. I bite my lip and can't look him in the eye.

"Whats wrong?" He asks me. When I glance at him I see the love he has for me in his eyes...which only adds to my heartbreak. 

"Lachlan...I do love you, but...I also love Lark...and that makes me horrible," I say. Suddenly, I can't keep it together anymore. I'm in his arms sobbing against him.

"Shh. Rowan, listen to me." Lachlan pulls away from me and holds my tear stained face in his rough hands. "You are not a horrible person. I may not have had a lot of time with you yet, but I know you are a beautiful person." He wipes the tears from my face with his thumbs.

"Rowan, I love you, and nothing you could ever do will ever change that. I want you all to myself, that's true, but I won't be cruel or hostile." Lachlan drops his voice to a whisper. "Rowan, I want you to be happy, and I won't hurt you to have you."

"Do you truly mean that?" I ask.

"I want you to be happy, and that comes before anything else. But I promise you Rowan, if you choose me, I will make you happy." When he says this I completely believe him.

"I just don't know how to let her go," I sniffle miserably. He brushes the hair out of my face and kisses my head.

"It's okay, cause I'll wait for you." We lean in and I kiss Lachlan gratefully.

"I need to go to my room," I tell him quietly. 

"Don't," Lachlan says a bit more harshly than I think he means. "Unless you really want to, but if you don't mind...I know we've spent all day together but it's still not enough. I also know you've slept all day just...lay down with me, even if it's just for an hour. I don't want to let you go yet."

"Okay," I say then snuggle under the covers with him. I'm not physically tired but I'm still emotionally exhausted. It's hard to believe the situation with Hawk just happened this morning.

"There's not enough time, not enough you," Lachlan whispers in my hair. 

"Kiss me like the world is going to end tomorrow," I whisper back. He does.

~~~~~~~~~

Foreshadowing who? That's right, strap on your seat belts and get ready because this is the last happy chapter in this series. That's why I ended it with "kiss me like the world is going to end tomorrow." cause sis the world as they know it will end tomorrow. Lmao I'm starting to understand why writers are so cruel.

i'd like you to keep in mind i had no idea how this series was going to end when i started this series...or this chapter(lol im not kidding i literally had no idea what i wanted to happen in this series half way through this chapter-i just decided like half minutes ago) so im so exited. AND im back from break on this fanfic, ill probably be slow to update the others tho.

good night/morning/midday/afternoon/brunch