Elites of Eden: Yarrow Not Rowan

Chapter 20

He presses a button and the ropes around my wrists recoil, setting me free. I rub my raw wrists as I sit up awkwardly.

"You're my-my father?" I don't know why that word tastes so bitter in my mouth. Ash always told me our father was always distant, but he always reassured me that he loved me-even if he signed Ash's death warrant. Now, looking at him, I'm not so sure.

"Yes, I'll explain everything later, I promise, but right now I need to get you out of here."

"No, don't explain. Show me," I say. I don't want to get my hopes up but I need to try it, just one last time.

"What?" He asks, he doesn't get it.

"Show me. Let me see it for myself, everything that has happened. Give me my memory back." I'm walking to him slowly, my voice breathless.

"I-I don't even have time to consider that- it's- it's out of the question...Rowan, I don't think you even want to know what happened." I can see the withering look in his eye, and finally I put it all together.

"Wait...you tortured me. You...you helped her, you were about to just now-"

"No, I-"

"Don't bother! I don't know how far this all goes," And based on the way I feel when I look at him, this is much worse than I imagine. "But, I know that you have betrayed me in the past. So stop protecting yourself. Give me my memory back!" I finally snap. My voice is low and my jaw is set. "You owe me that at the very least."

"I-I'm not even sure if I can," He says, I can see tears in his eyes. "I mean Elena's methods aren't just reversible. I mean, she had hypnotherapy-"

"Can you give me my memory back or not? Please, is there anyway? It's now or never." I see my father cringe as he walks back and forth.

"Even if I could we don't have the time-"

"Please!" I cry. My voice comes out high pitched and strangled. "You have no idea what this is like! I'm two girls but most the time I can't tell them apart. I've had this pounding headache for six months and I doubt it'll ever go away. I don't know what I'm feeling or why. Oh, please relieve me from this hell...Dad...I have no idea who I am. But I want to know. I want to know myself."

By the end I'm crying. Some of that was exaggeration. I have started to understand who I am, and I have gotten better at realizing whether or not I'm acting like Yarrow or Rowan. But it's still been torture, and the tears on my face are genuine. My dad seems to recoil into himself.

"I'll have to do an experimental surgery to see what's going on, but if I see anyway of getting your memory back...Rowan, I swear I'll do it," He holds back sobs as he extends a hand to me. I don't take it. "But first I need to find an excuse for me and Elena's absence."

"Easy. Say you're in here, with me, torturing me for hours. Performing your sick procedures. If anyone dares question it tell them Elena ordered they stay out," I suggest. My father looks impressed but worried. He still seems to be considering whether this is the right thing or not. "Dad...please."

He finally breaks. Falling to his knees, sobbing. He says, "I promise I'll do anything to keep you safe."

"Prove it."

"Anything, Rowan. I'll have to drug Elena and get meds for you but...I can do it. I'll do it." He rises to his feet, wiping his tears,  looking me in the eye evenly.

"Stay here," He tells me. Without another word he walks out of the room, locking it behind him. I look at Elena, my former mother, and know what I sadly have to do. I have to do it to keep the second children safe, to keep myself safe. I won't risk her being alive. I walk to the surgical tray and pick up a scalpel. I kneel beside her and take my crystal necklace out of her pocket.

"Lachlan gave it to me you bitch!" I hiss then slap her as hard as I can. She starts to stir. "And you won't take him from me. You won't take the Underground from me. You won't take myself." I place the tip of the sharp blade to the thin skin on her throat just as my dad walks back in the room.

"Rowan! What the hell are you doing?" He asks. I rise to my feet regretfully. If only he walked in five seconds later she would be dead.

"I can't let her live. I can't let her kill the people I love," I tell him. He glances down at her and I know he's considering it.

"No, Rowan," He says at last. "We might need her later. I'll drug her, tie her up, but I won't kill her-not yet."

I take a deep breath. He's right. Tons of things could go wrong is I kill her. Keeping you innocent might be the last thing I can do for you. Those might be one of the last words Lachlan will speak to me, and if he's dead, I will honor that. I am not a killer. And Ash, poor  Ash, what if he's dead? I can't lose him again.

"Okay. Did you get the drugs?" I ask. He nods.

"Okay, lets get you prepped. Let's get your memory back."