Broken Wings

Chapter 23

I thanked Ben for everything he did for me today , he went shopping with me then waited for me to finish my class and went back home to help with the Christmas decorations .

It was almost 11 pm and we were both very tired . He kissed me a good night kiss on my cheek and left . This guy was an essential part of my life , even if we're not dating right now but his presence in my life fills it in a beautiful way.

Although i was very ready to sleep , but I didn't want to . There was a part of the day that I needed review in my mind ; it is called " Alexander " .
I made a hot decaf tea cup and sat on the chair next to my Christmas tree . I felt really good , I don't know why exactly , was it because I saw him ? Or because he was going to tell me something or because he was jealous of Ben ?

Today I realized that Alexander didn't mean what he said to me in the office the other day . The way he was looking at me , he could've had act as if he didn't see me but at the opposite he started the conversation, kept looking in my eyes the whole conversation as he was trying to tell me something , the jealousy on this face when Ben came was so obvious .

I know I shouldn't be happy , because nothing has actually changed ; he was still
a married man with a kid , the dean of
My college and the one that will never be mine . But the fact that he likes me too is relieving, that all his touches were real , he wasn't lying or having fun .

The next days are going to be busy at work , Christmas at Pandora is a very special season and I like it when it's so busy at work , when I don't have time to think about anything but how to be professional and quick at the same time .

I was surprised to hear to door ringing. Who could that be ? It's almost midnight and I was not expecting anyone .
I opened the door to see a miserable Ben in front of me .

" Ben ! Are you okay ? What's happening?"

He stood silent for a moment, and then looked at me as if he was hardly trying to say something.

" Lisa , I don't think I can keep pretending that we're friends , I feel that we're laughing at ourselves . I can't keep doing this , I need you to take a decision . I love you and Icannot be friends with you . "

For a second , I felt that my head is spinning. Wasn't really ready for this conversation at this time and I don't think I can take the right decision now especially that my heart and mind are in a very different place .

" Ben , can we talk about this later ? I am tired and it's late ."

" I know it's late and I am tired too , but I cannot do this anymore. I need you to tell me if you want me or no . If you do , I'll stay with you forever and I promise I won't ever hurt you again , and if you don't I'll go and you'll never see me again " .

" No Ben you can't do that to me., not now... let's talk about this tomorrow."
I said trying to close the conversation.

" Why is it that hard for you to give me an answer ? I promised I won't ever hurt you again " .
Ben is making it harder. He doesn't know that now it's not a matter of trust anymore .

" Ben , I believe you , it's just that..."
words got stuck in my throats, I don't know how I am going say it . I am not good at hurting people's feelings .

" You don't love me anymore, do you ?"

He looked down , leaning one hand on the door and the other was covering his face . Seeing him like that squeezed my heart .

" Ben , I think I have feelings for someone else . I am really sorry but I don't wanna lie to you ".I said.

" And I think I know who does these feelings belong to ...that punch wasn't for no reason , was it ? "

He gave one final look before he turned his back and left without even giving me the chance to defend myself .
Leaving me with an extreme feeling of pain. pain because I just realized that I hurt the person I once loved the most and because I just confessed to Ben and to myself that I was in love with Alexander , my married teacher .