Chasing the Fleeting Flower

19: Wishing it was you

This isn't right.

Xin Rui smoothed down her blue silky dress; every inch filled with embroidery patterns of phoenixes, lotus flowers, and auspicious clouds. Her shoes were also embroidered with similar decorations. Cai Zhi's rewards were delivered to her courtyard this morning, insisting that she wears them.

He was also slightly more generous with his gifts, as he sent over some priceless jewelry as well. Dangling golden hairpins were inserted into her neatly ornamented hairstyle. Lips tinted with reddish rouge, eyes lined with different shades, and a red huadian imprinted between her drawn eyebrows.

No matter how much money the jewelries and the clothes are, it cannot compare to the broken hairpin.

"Young mistress looks like a goddess that descended from the heaven!" a new servant that Cai Zhi sent over praised with a large smile.

Glancing at this young girl, Rui sized her up and she wondered where Liling went. This entire morning, Liling had not attended to her, or even appeared. The steward said that he had assigned an errand for her this morning so she wouldn't be coming back until late noon.

Rui returned her gaze back to her reflection in the bronze mirror. The girl looked mature, seductive, and refined. She lives up to the Xin family's blessings of being attractive, for her face resembles her mother——who unfortunately passed away when she was four. Her cold, empty eyes stared back at her.

"Not like this...She isn't me without him..." She inaudibly whispered to herself.

"Rui?" Cai Zhi called out from outside of her room with affection in his voice. However, it had the opposite effect; she feels rather cold whenever she sees, hears, or come in contact with him. Rui turned around sluggishly, and made a small noise of acknowledgment.

He entered the room and smiled gently upon seeing her appearance. He took her stiff hands, making her blood run cold, "Blossoming like a peony flower, your beauty is unparalleled."

Rui gave a small smile and lowered her eyes, "You're praising too much..."

"En, Rui has become sensible. Rui is not upset with Zhi-gege, right? You know that I care for you from the bottom of my heart," he stated in a soft tone as he lightly pinched her chin, forcing her to look into his gentle, yet intensive eyes.

Subconsciously, she wanted to ease the bruises and sudden pain that still shocked her body. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, installing fear into her core. She hid them from her neutral eyes, and pulled her lips into a sweet yet distant smile.

"En, Rui understands." She obediently complied.

"That's a good girl..." he smiled brightly, revealing his beautiful set of teeth and dimples. Patting her cheek, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Rui lowered her head and turned away from him. He let out a soft laugh before leaving her room to return to work. While no one was looking, she wiped her forehead vigorously before covering the red rash with white powder.

This cannot continue.

The new group of maids took her out for a walk in the garden. Flowers bloomed and greeted her with their lovely smile. Her blue dress dragged behind her on the stone floor, weighing like a hundred kilos. The gold jewelry chimed together, making a distinctive noise. One maid even held out an umbrella to shade Xin Rui from the beaming, hot sun.

Rui looked up at the blue sky. A pair of butterflies fluttered their way to the garden. She stared hard with silence.

"Young mistress, aren't the two butterflies beautiful? Does Miss want this servant to catch them for you?"

"No!" Rui said, almost too harshly before she softened her tone, "No, don't. Let them be."

"Yes, Mistress."

She is standing out in the open,  but it doesn't feel the same. It's too stuffy. She took a sharp intake of the poisonous air and let out a shaky breath. Her black hair blew in the wind, silencing her cry.

Suddenly, Rui could hear rushed footsteps from behind, thus she slowly turned around. To her surprise, it was Liling. As she got closer, her eyes seems droopy but happy.

"Liling! You——" she paused, remembering that she was supposed to be angry at Liling for betraying her, then feigned annoyance, "You. Where were you? Are you that useless to even simply serve me in the morning?"

Liling maintained a monotonic voice to play along, but the light in her eyes could not hide her eagerness, "This servant apologizes for one's inability to serve Young Mistress this morning. This one will seek punishment from the head-maid——"

"Forget about it. Stop troubling me from now on."

However, no matter how bright her eyes beamed, it does not outshine how tired she looked. Rui frowned slightly at the dark eye bags and haggard look, but she did not comment on it as she cautiously noted the spying eyes and ears of Cai Zhi's servants. She made a mental note to ask her when the two are alone later.

At night, Cai Zhi came by again, "Rui, wash your hands. Let's have dinner."

She did not refuse——more like she didn't have the choice to——and complied with his orders, "En."

The servants led her to a basin of water while Liling was ordered to bring the food. She stared absentmindedly at the basin as they gently washed her hands like they were fragile glass. The white porcelain basin was decorated with blue swirls and auspicious clouds.

She suddenly recalled the old, flimsy straw basket. Dirty, but it was light and easy to carry around.

The maids wrapped and patted her jade-like hands with a silky cloth, embroidered with peonies, chrysanthemums, and lily flowers. The old, brown towel came to her mind as well. Worn out, but it was warm and soft.

She sat down on a redwood stool, carved from the finest craftsmanship. Dozens of dishes were spread out, each filled with expensive cuisine food. The aroma was so delicious that even smelling could make a full-stomach growl. Despite the wonderful food, Rui did not have the appetite. Nevertheless, she forced food down her throat, along with her emotions.

She wished to taste the roasted chicken, small quail birds, and even the fucking fish again.

Cai Zhi placed bits of food in her bowl while the two chatted lightly. Rui listened half-heartedly and agreed to whatever he said. After dinner, she rinsed her mouth with some fresh water mixed with minted leaves. Cai Zhi caressed her cheek and kissed her face before bidding goodnight. The servants prepared her sleep attire, removed her makeup, and combed her long, silky black hair. Liling set up the bed and lit the floral incense, adding a lovely scent to the room.

'I can't do this anymore...'

"Leave me be." Rui coldly demanded. Liling paused as she wordlessly gazed at the depressing silhouette of Rui, her hair shadowing her face from the world. After a moment of complete silence, Liling was the first to move and helped Rui to bed before she led the group of servants to blow out the candle one by one, and then closed the door shut.

In the lonely dark night, Rui curled herself into a ball. She gripped onto the blanket tightly and snugged closer, as if hugging tighter would provide some sort comfort——some warmth——to her weeping heart. With a stray of tear running down the side, she let out a quiet, stifled cry.

"Yu Jian-ah, I miss you."