In This Love

Not Healing

I walked through those still white hallways. Silence and murmurs had made their home here. People in long white coats and clipboards in thier hands stood by the beds talking to those who were fighting their own battles.

I reached my destination after moving through the endless corridors.

I knocked on the door and a faint permission was granted. Taking a deep breath, I murmured to myself "Everything will be alright" just like all those countless times I visited this place.

"Ah! Avery! You cane right on time" I heard Doctor Ward say as soon as I stepped into his office.

"Let's get onto the treatment" he said enthusiastically to me just as everyday I came here.

❤

I tapped my foot on the white marble as I waited patiently for Doctor Ward.

I don't know but sonething didn't feel right today, there was a little ache in the back of my head when I know something bad was about to happen.

Everything will be alright.

The door opened and Doctor Ward walked in with a file in his hands. Judging by the lines on his forehead, it felt like he was struggling with something.

He came to his desk and sat in front of me. Taking off his glasses, he put them aside and looked at me.

"I don't know any other way to tell you this" he began and looked at me with pity.

My heart dropped to my stomach at his words, there was a tingling in my toes that felt awful. The pain I had in the back of my head started to feel more than before.

"Tell me what?" I stammered on my words, the grip on my cane was starting to become tighter and tighter.

He searched my face and let out a sigh.

"You've stopped responding to the treatments" I could feel the blood pumping in my ears. So loud. So fucking loud.

I didn't say anything to him but he started to continue "Last results were the same" he struggled with his words "I consulted other physicians about your case but they said that this is how much you can heal, your muscles aren't responding to all the work we're doing on them"

I broke him off "But I've done everything you've asked me to, three months ago you said that I had a chance!" I exclaimed as I hand through my hair and looked down on the floor.

"You are the strongest patient I've ever had, you don't let hurdles stop you. You fight. But this is the time where you consider stopping. Try to have a positive approach to this. You still have so many chances on having a satisfactory life" he tired to console me with his optimistic words. But none of them were doing anything to my heartbreak.

"Life without this-" I said but this time he cut me off.

"It's still life, Avery" he emphasised "Do not let this stop you" I nodded as I clasped my hands together.

❤

You see, when you think that everything will be alright. You start to enter this fantasy where you dream of what life will be when all of your problems cease to exist. You expect happiness. Heaven.

And then the worst things happen to you.

Crushing your fantasy, dreams. Everything. Your perspective on things, on people. Yourself.

Time heals every wound but it leaves the darkest scars on your heart. The momentary pain, you heart and mind try to accept the reality but you just can't.