song - when the party's over: billie eilish
TW: self-harm, flashbacks of sexual assault
She stares up at her ceiling, the trauma replaying in her mind.
Him inside of her mouth. No one could hear her struggle. He got off on her pain. And Regina planned it all. It pleased Regina. And Cady knew this.
Cady pulls herself out of bed, locking herself in the bathroom. She opens the hidden cabinet, pulling out the all too familiar box. The razor glistens under the bathroom light as it glides along her skin. It doesn't hurt her. She watches as the blood flows.
She feels as though she has been sitting there for a year. In reality, it's been about an hour. An hour of her slicing away at her arms. She pulls herself off of the floor, absentmindedly washing off her arms. She doesn't have enough care to bandage them. She leaves her sleeves up, allowing these new wounds to breathe.
She can't seem to breathe. It's not her anxiety. It's not a panic attack. There's no air flowing through her room. She pulls open her windows, welcoming the breeze. She opens up her laptop to look at her call back material. She rehearses her lines, a small conversation between Veronica and JD.
She looks over the two songs provided. Dead Girl Walking and Seventeen. The accompaniment track to Dead Girl Walking slowly filling her ears.
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As Cady sings, Janis pokes her head out of her window. She's in awe of Cady. Her beauty. The way her auburn curls fall around her face. The way her blue eyes sparkle. The way she moves her body in rhythm with the song.
Janis's face flushes, knowing how sexual that song is. Before she can even process her own thoughts, she's climbing into the tree that, ironically enough, creates a path between her and Cady's rooms. She watches her, slowly realizing how hard she is falling for this girl.
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As Cady finishes the song, she plops down on to the floor.
"That was really good," a familiar voice comments.
Cady lets out a scream before realizing that it is only Janis. She immediately pulls her sleeves down, not realizing that Janis caught a glimpse of the lines that cover her arms.
Janis is confused, not catching a good enough look, but decides against saying something about them.
"I thought you heard me, I'm sorry. Can I come in?" Janis giggles.
"Yeah sure. And no, I didn't. I was too busy singing about fucking a murderer," Cady smiles.
Janis rolls her eyes, sitting down on the floor in front of Cady. "You do sound amazing, though. I didn't realize you had the pipes."
"Damian didn't tell you? He was practically shitting his pants the first time he heard me," Cady blushes.
"He might have mentioned it. I usually tune him out when he's talking about theatre and stuff. He did tell me that you got a call back for Veronica, which is fucking awesome. She's the lead, right?" Janis asks.
"You would be correct," Cady smiles.
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They talk for hours, about nonsense, really. Janis causing Cady to laugh and giggle and smile for those hours.
"Hey, Janis?" Cady starts.
"Yeah, Caddie?" Janis answers.
"Can you rehearse a song with me? I need to know both but this one is a duet," Cady explains.
"Sure, Caddie. Which one is it?" Janis responds.
"Seventeen," Cady smiles.
"You're lucky I actually know that one," Janis laughs as Cady starts the accompaniment track.
Cady immediately embodies the role in front of Janis, pouring her emotion into the lyrics and the way her body moves. Janis surprises Cady with her vocal ability. They sing to each other, getting closer and closer. As the end nears, Janis pulls Cady into her arms. Their lips are centimeters apart. They sing the last lines, Janis moving closer to close the gap.
And then there's a knock on the door.
Cady pushes Janis into the closet and shuts the door, just in time before her mom walks into her room.
"Mpenzi, are you sure you're going to be okay? Your father and I will be gone for two weeks," her mom says, putting her hand on Cady's shoulder.
"I'm sure, Mom. I'll be okay. You guys deserve to have some time alone," Cady smiles, pulling her mom in for a hug.
"You know your father and I are only a call away. We love you, mpenzi," her mom says, hugging Cady tightly.
Her mom leaves her room, the front door shutting soon after. Cady opens up the closet door, letting Janis out.
Janis lets out a little laugh, jumping on to Cady's bed. Cady rolls her eyes and joins Janis, continuing their conversation.
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The sun sets, the stars soon coming out after.
"I better get going, it's kind of late," Janis says, pulling Cady in for a hug.
"You're right. Have a good night, Janis," Cady smiles.
Janis shoots her a smile and climbs back to her bedroom.
Cady's heart flutters. She's falling. Hard. She lays down in her bed, turning on her laptop, logging in to Netflix. She clicks on The Office, trying to block out the demons inside of her.
End it. You're disgusting. You'll never be clean. You're revolting. Janis would never want you. She would never want someone as disgusting as you.
Cady slams her windows shut, letting out a scream. She rips the razor out of the box, slicing into her arm. She cuts deeper than before. Blood pours out her arms. She doesn't stop. Not until she becomes dizzy, soon passing out.
She lays in a pool of her own blood, the razor still in her hand.
YOU ARE READING
beautiful
FanfictionCady Heron is new to Northshore, a mystery following her presence. She has just moved to the States from Kenya. She gets swooped up by Janis and Damian, the outcasts that are too gay to function. As her feelings start to explore, she begins to fall...
