beautiful

it all catches up at some point

song - all too well: taylor swift

One Month Later

After their two weeks in Madison, Cady's parents had to go back to Kenya for an emergency research project. Cady asked to stay in Evanston, not wanting to be home schooled again. Damian has been spending nights at Cady's house, as per her request. She didn't want to be alone.

It's been a month since Damian and Cady have even talked to Janis. Cady still breaks down at the mere thought of her. Cady hasn't slept in her own room for a month because she's scared of looking out of her window and seeing Janis.

Damian is more worried than ever before. Not only has Cady not gotten over Janis, she's getting skinnier. He never sees her eat. He listens when she locks herself in the bathroom and cries until she can't breathe. He's worried about his best friend. He obviously misses Janis but can't bare the thought of even looking at her, let alone talking to her.

Damian and Cady sit on the couch, watching a bootleg of the original off-Broadway production of Heathers. Cady lays her head on Damian's shoulder, letting out a sigh.

"Damian, can we talk?" Cady asks softly.

"Sure, Cads," he smiles.

"I really need to talk to you about it," she sighs, looking down at her shaking hands.

"You can tell me anything, Caddie," Damian says, putting his arm around her.

Cady lets out a soft sob, rolling up her sleeves. "I didn't know how to tell you."

Damian gasps. "Caddie...when did this start?"

"Before I moved here. I've always hated myself and now that she's gone it's getting worse," Cady sobs, putting her face in her hands.

Damian doesn't know what to say. He holds Cady close to him as she sobs and shakes against him.

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The day before Winter Break, Cady and Damian head to Heathers practice. Today is the day they learn the dance for Big Fun. Cady and Damian make small talk as the rest of the cast files into the auditorium.

Mr. Stephan starts practice, teaching the choreography with ease. Cady and Damian get it down pretty quickly, having fun. Cady starts to feel dizzy, but shakes it off, trying to pay attention.

Mr. Stephan finishes teaching the dance, watching the cast follow his movements. The last thing she remembers is having fun, dancing, and then it all goes black.

It's almost like slow-motion, Damian watching her fall. He immediately rushes up to her, finding her passed out. Mr. Stephan immediately calls an ambulance. Damian is on the verge of a panic attack. He picks her up, rushing her out the back door to meet the paramedics.

Too many thoughts are running through his head. He just hopes she's okay. He needs her to be okay. He can't lose another best friend.

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Cady wakes up in a hospital bed, the bright lights blinding her. She lets out a loud groan. She feels someone holding her hand, looking over to her side. There sits Damian, his tear-stained face staring at her.

"Thank God, Caddie, you're okay!" Damian yells, pulling her into a hug.

Cady lets out a small yelp.

"Sorry, Caddie," Damian says, letting go of her.

"I-it's okay," she says hoarsely. "Did they tell you?"

"Yeah. I know about your eating disorder, Caddie. Why didn't you tell me?" Damian says, gripping her hand.

"You don't hate me?" Cady asks, tears streaming down her face.

"Of course not, Caddie. I just wish you would have said something. I would have helped you," Damian says.

Damian explains to Cady how she now has to stay in the psych ward for Winter Break under supervision. Cady can only nod, not willing to put up a fight.

Cady just wants to be normal.

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Damian stayed with her for a week, until he had to leave for California. Damian's family goes to California every Christmas. It's currently Christmas Day and Cady is stuck, alone in the hospital. Her parents couldn't get a flight back from Kenya in time to see her.

Cady softly sings the tracks from Heathers, until a small knock comes from the doorway. She lifts her head up, Janis coming into view.

"Hi, Caddie," Janis whispers, a small smile on her face.

Cady can only stare at her. Her hands shake more than normal as she stares at the girl she fell for. Tears start to brim in her eyes, but she quickly blinks them away.

Janis is holding a vase of yellow roses. Cady can tell that she has been crying. "I heard about what happened at practice and I found out you were here."

"Why do you care?" Cady asks, her voice shaky.

"Because I care about you, Caddie. This past month has been so hard. I broke things off with Kevin the day after you saw us. I've been so alone without you and Damian," Janis sighs.

"Oh...it's been hard for you? How do you think I feel, Janis? I was alone! I cried everyday thinking about you! You broke my heart, Janis! Just leave, Janis. Before you make another mistake," Cady sobs. She starts to break down.

"Caddie, " Janis starts.

"No! Leave, Janis!" Cady screams, watching as Janis slowly walks out the door.

Cady sobs and sobs, wishing she had never fallen for the girl she met on her first day of school.

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Damian returns a few days later, allowing Cady to be discharged. Cady's parents beg Damian to look after Cady while they're in Kenya, and of course Damian agrees.

On the drive back to Cady's house, an awkward silence fills the air. Cady hasn't spoken a word since Janis came to visit her. She just can't seem to find the words. She stares out the window, watching the trees pass as they drive toward the all too familiar neighborhood.

As her house comes into view, she looks down at her thighs. She's gained weight since she's been in the hospital. They got her to eat without having to puke it all up. She still eats very little, but at least she keeps it down

Nala immediately jumps on to Cady when she walks in the door. A small smile stretches across her face, picking her up. She lays down on the couch, holding Nala in her arms. She turns on the television, an old episode of Friends filling the screen.

"Damian?" Cady says, her voice splotchy.

"Yeah?" Damian asks, sitting down next to her.

"Janis came to visit me," she whispers.

"She what?!" Damian yells.

"Please don't freak out...I told her to go away," Cady whispers, starting to cry.

"Oh, Caddie," Damian says, pulling her small frame into his lap.

Cady lets out a loud sob, all of her built up emotions falling everywhere. She sobs and sobs, starting to hyperventilate. Damian softly sings I Have A Dream from Mamma Mia. Cady just can't stop crying.

Visions of the girl she's still in love with flood her mind, making her cry harder. She can't handle it. She clings on to Damian, having a full breakdown.

The girl she loves actually cares, but Cady can't trust her. But her love still burns like a never-ending match.