song - consequences: camila cabello
TW: internalized homophobia, homophobic slurs
Cady's eyes slowly flutter open, her body completely frozen. She looks around her, seeing the pools of blood. She lets out a groan, slowly pulling herself off the floor. She cleans up the floor, slowly stripping herself of her blood covered clothes. She turns on the water for a shower, staring at her bare body in the mirror.
You're disgusting. No one would want you. Especially not Janis.
Tears fill her eyes as she pulls herself into the shower, the hot water running over her wounded skin. She attempts to clean herself, although the overbearing feeling of still being dirty fills her. As she ends her shower, she can't bear to look at herself in the mirror. She closes her curtains, pulling out a pair of pajamas. A pair of camo sweatpants and a black long sleeve shirt. She opens her curtains and windows, letting out a sigh as she stares at the stars. How she wishes she could just let everything go and be one of the them.
She can't stop thinking about what happened with Janis. She wanted to kiss Janis. She wants to be with her. As more than a friend. But Cady doesn't understand this. She barely understands herself, let alone what she's feeling for Janis. She wonders what would have happened if her mom hadn't knocked on the door.
She spends the night working on her call back material, her anxiety working harder than normal. Her hands shake more than normal as she sings these songs over and over. Her thoughts abnormally silent as she stares at herself in the mirror in the middle of the night. Every little flaw inside of her is working harder than usual to stand out, and it all scares Cady more than she will ever know.
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Cady wakes to the blaring sound of her alarm. She finds herself on her bedroom floor, surrounded by her call back material. She lets out a loud groan, pulling herself up. She heads downstairs, letting Nala out as she normally does. She makes herself some tea, watching Nala chase after a leaf that blows around in the wind. Nala follows Cady inside as she heads inside.
Cady gets ready for school as she normally does, except there's one thing different. The tightness in her chest. She stares at herself in the mirror as she tries to put her makeup on. But her hands won't do what she wants them to. She sinks down to the floor, an unexpected panic attacks hitting her like a bus. She sobs harder and harder each time, slowly starting to hyperventilate. Everything inside of her hurts.
She slowly gets the tears to stop, but her thoughts don't.
You're so pathetic. Regina is right. No one wants you here. You should make everyone happy and just stop.
She gets ready for school, every ounce of her body shaking harder than normal. She lets her hair down as she stares at the outfit she has picked out. A thin gray sweater that barely covers her midriff, high-waisted black leggings, and her black boots. She lets out a sigh, truly not giving a shit.
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Janis and Damian stand outside of Cady's house as Cady walks outside. Cady smiles and waves at them.
"Good morning, Caddie. Are you ready for call backs?" Damian asks, wrapping his arm around her.
"I hope so," Cady sighs.
The air is filled with small, quiet conversations. It's almost as if Cady has lost all of her social skills. She can barely hold a conversation without wanting to run and hide. It's going to be a long day.
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Janis sneaks up behind Cady after fourth period, Cady letting out a small scream when Janis jumps on her.
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beautiful
FanfictionCady Heron is new to Northshore, a mystery following her presence. She has just moved to the States from Kenya. She gets swooped up by Janis and Damian, the outcasts that are too gay to function. As her feelings start to explore, she begins to fall...
