When We Were Younger (you me at six)

Contagious Chemistry

"What?! What the fuck are you talking about Hayley?"

"I-I killed someone," I sobbed.

"Hey, shhhh." He tried to calm me down but nothing helped. I couldn't stop the tears from falling as everything about that night flashed through my mind. "I'm sure you didn't just walk up to someone in the street and shoot them," he said sarcastically. I glared at him, I couldn't believe he was trying to make a joke after what I had just told him.

"Of course not," I whispered and shook my head. "I never meant to hurt anyone, it was an accident. But that doesn't matter, it's still my fault someone's dead."

His voice was softer this time when he finally spoke to me. "Please, just tell me."

Oh god, this was it. I drew in a long shaky breath and began to speak. "It was about five months ago, when I still lived in Scotland. I was at a party just like this one with my boyfriend, Ryan. We had been together for about a year. I loved him and I thought he loved me."

*flashback*

"C'mon babe, just one more drink," Ryan moaned, trying to drag me to the kitchen.

"No Ryan, I think you've had enough for tonight." He pouted and started pulling me towards the hot, sweaty bodies of everyone dancing in the living room instead. I wasn't really in the mood for dancing but Ryan seemed determined, so I went along with him like I always did.

After a while he seemed to get bored of it. He could tell I wasn't really into it. His head bent down to whisper in my ear. "It's really loud in hear. Do you want to go upstairs where it's quieter? There's something I want to ask you."

I nodded and Ryan grabbed my hand, leading me up the stairs. No one was up there, it was just us. He opened the door to one of the bedrooms and walked inside. I followed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What did you want to ask me?"

He sat down beside me and began kissing my neck. He paused for a minute and looked at my face, his gaze flickering between my eyes and my lips. "I didn't want to ask you anything, I just wanted to be alone with you."

He brought his lips down to mine and kissed me roughly. I kissed him back but it didn't feel right. He could sense I wasn't feeling right so he started being more forceful. His hands wandered to the hem of my shirt and he began to tug on it, trying to pull it off me. I stopped kissing him instantly and leaned back.

"Woah, what are you doing?"

"You know what I'm doing. You want this just as much as I do." He leant forward to try and kiss me again but I stopped him.

"No I don't. I'm not ready, I told you that. I thought you understood, you said you would wait."

"And I have waited for almost an entire year. I'm done waiting." He brought his lips back to mine and began kissing me with more force than he had ever done before.

"No Ryan, stop it," I pleaded with him. He ignored my protests. "Get off of me!" I shouted. Using all my strength, I shoved him off me, sending him flying off the bed and onto the floor. I ran out the door but just as I reached the top of the stairs, I was yanked backwards. Ryan had me pinned against the wall, his arms pressing against my shoulders. His face was only centimeters away from my own. I looked into his eyes and I didn't recognise the person I saw. This wasn't the boy I had been in love with for the last year, this was a stranger. "Someone help me, please!" I screamed.

He laughed darkly. "They can't hear you. No one's going to come and help you. And why would they? You're worthless. No one wants you here. The only reason you got invited to this party is because of me, so you don't get to leave until I say so."

Once again, he brought his lips to mine. I pretend to succumb to his force. I opened my mouth and his tongue forced its way in. I bit down on it as hard as I could.

"Fuck! You little bitch!" His grip on my shoulders slackened slightly and I seized my opportunity. It took every ounce of my strength but I pushed him off of me. I froze as I realised what I had just done. We had been standing right in front of the staircase.

There was a sickening thud as his body collided with every stair. I peered over the edge of the bannister and screamed at the sight before me. His body was lying at an impossible angle. He looked like a discarded rag doll. Blood was gushing from his head, forming a pool of blood around him. He wasn't moving.

*****

"I hurtled down the stairs and called an ambulance. People from the party had come out to see what the noise was. By the time the ambulance arrived, his heart had already stopped. He was dead and it was my fault.

"The police never even charged me for what happened. They said they didn't have to because I was only sixteen and it was an accident, I was acting in self-defence. People at school never found out the truth about what happened. All they know is Ryan 'fell' down the stairs and I was there. My mum, Sophie and now you are the only people that know the truth.

"Wherever I went, people would stare at me and whisper about me behind my back. I couldn't take it anymore so when my Mum decided to move, I came with her."

I turned to look at Josh as I finished my story. He was a sickly shade of white. He noticed me looking at him and stared intently at me.

"Listen to me Hayley, you are not a bad person. It was a horrible accident but you can't go around blaming yourself for it." I had been told the same thing by my family so many times before but I had never believed them. But somehow, looking into Josh's eyes, I found myself nodding at his words. "Fuck, that's why you stormed out on Monday, wasn't it? I said the same thing he did. I said no one wanted you there. Oh my god, I'm such an idiot. If I had known, I would've never even dreamt of saying that."

"It's okay, you didn't know. It wasn't your fault." I paused for a minute and wrapped Josh's jacket around me tighter. "Can I ask you something Josh?"

He stared at me. There was a look on his face, I couldn't quite decipher what it was. "You called me Josh," he stated.

"That is your name?" I was so confused.

"Yeah but you never call me Josh to my face. You always call me Franceschi."

"Oh. I had no idea you paid that much attention."

He nodded. "After what you've just told me, you can ask me anything."

"It's not a difficult question. At least, I don't think it is." He nodded again and waited for me to continue. "Why do you hate me?"

He sighed deeply. "I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you."

This shocked me. "But I thought...on the first day-"

"I don't hate you." He repeated. "When I saw you on the first day, you were sarcastic, smart, funny, not to mention beautiful. You were everything I liked in a girl. I instantly liked you. That scared me. In the past, I've been hurt so many times by the people I care about the most, I couldn't bare it if it happened again.

"So I decided that it would be easier to just make you hate me. I thought if I acted like a dick to you, I wouldn't get hurt. But I was wrong. Seeing you tonight, dancing with Sam, that hurt so much. I can't even describe how jealous I was back there.

"I know it doesn't make much sense and it's a pretty shit excuse for why I've been such a dick to you, but I promise I'm done. No more deliberately acting like a twat. I'm sorry."

I was literally speechless. I didn't have a clue what to say. I did the only thing I could thing I could think of. I leant forward and pressed my lips to his.

******

What do you guys think?

Sorry if this sucked, I'm supposed to be at school but I'm ill so instead, I'm lying in my bed, surrounded by tissues, writing this for all you lovely people. Oh the joys of being sick.

Just to say thanks to @BeccaWTFAnn for her comment on the last chapter. I was genuinely grinning like the chesire cat from alice in wonderland when I read it, so thank you! :D