You And Me (Hartley Rathaway/Pied Piper - The Flash) Fanfiction

11. I Am A Monster

"Well, why are you lying so closely to him?" He points to Cisco in anger.

"For your information, Cisco is my best friend." I answer. Hartley just scoffs and looks away crossing his arms over him.

"Are you really mad about this?" I ask. "Do don't have the right to be mad about this." I feel my voice deepening.

"I have the right to do whatever the fuck I want. You're my girlfriend remember."

"Oh yeah, then where were you when my dad got into a wheelchair and I had to do everything? Where were you every night when I cried my fucking eyes out because you were dead? Where were you when I was in the hospital for over a month because the accelerator explosion blinded me temporarely? Huh, where were you then?!" I start screaming. I can't believe him right now. I let everything out, everything that still made me so angry with him but I was scared to tell because I didn't want to lose him again.
"Cisco was there, he was there when every single of those things happened. He helped me get trough all this and helped me move on from you. You have no idea how hard it was." I start to tear up. I feel Cisco standing up behind me putting a hand on my shoulder. Hartley straces every movement of his.

"Then why don't you just date him." He whispers under his breath, but I heard him.

"Get out." I say quietly.

"Riley..."

"Get! Out!" I scream pointing at the door. Hartley sighs and turns around walking towards the door. Tears are streaming over my cheeks making little drops on the floor. Just as he reaches the door he turns around and looks at me, I still have the same angry expression on my face which makes him open the door and leave. As soon as the door closes behind him I turn into Cisco's arms and start crying. Sobbing by every breath I take. After I few minutes I calm down a bit.

"Should I stay tonight?" Cisco asks me sweetly.

"No, I'll be alright. I just want to be alone I think. But thank you though." I say. When Cisco leaves I immediately take a shower and go to bed. It's only like 9p.m but I don't care at all. All I want to do is fall asleep and forget about what happened today with Hartley, knowing that when I wake up everything will just be the same...

—

I walk into the main space of Star Labs. Everyone already in position waiting for another meta attack. Eveyone but Hartley. I already start to worry. Did I push things to far last night? I shouldn't have told him to go, I should have asked him to stay and talk it out but I didn't. Damn I'm so stupid sometimes.

"Where's Hartley? Isn't he with you?" Asks Barry. Cisco looks at him with an unfamiliar look to me. Probably a look guys give each other when it's time to shut up. I still answer.

"No... He's not with me." I look at my feet.

"What happened?" My dad cuts in and eyes to the lab section which is sealed with glass walls and I walk, he rolls into it.

"Tell me." He says. I already start crying without even having said a word, I feel so weak right now but my dad takes my hand. I know he can be intense sometimes but he's also incredibly sweet and raised me well.

"So I was just watching a movie with Cisco and we were like laying together on the sofa and t-then Hartley came in a-and..." I have to stop talking because I can't even understand what I'm saying anymore.

"Take a breath." My dad says calmly. I do as he says and calm down a little.

"He came walking into the room and saw us, and h-he completely lost it." I say sobbing.

"Look sweetie, I know Hartley. Not in the way you do but I know him well enough to know that he cares about you, very much. And I'm not saying what he did was right because it absolutely wasn't. And as your dad I think I need to have a rather big conversation with him about that particular topic, but you should just talk to him." I look into his eyes, they remind me of my mothers. They had the exact same eyes. Blue with a grey lining around it. I was one of the lucky people being born with the same kind but also a bit of green mixed in it which made them only more special. I also have her light brown hair, so light it's almost dark blonde. My mother died when I was 4 years old in a car crash. I was in the same car at the time but I don't remember anything about the accident. Apparently me and my dad got very lucky and it was a wonder my dad made it out alive while the point of impact was at his side of the car. Impossible but it happened and I'm so happy about that. I don't know what I would have done without the both of them. I have one memory with my mom, one where we were on the beach. My dad and I were swiming in the sea mostly and my mom was watching us from close by. She yelled at me how proud she was and that I was an amazing swimmer. I don't think I have ever been happier in my life. I don't exactly remember what she looked like, only from pictures of course but that still doesn't feel real. At my dad's house we have an album with all kinds of pictures with me and my parents, there are also pictures before my time. I used to love looking in it when I was younger but I don't have so much time for it now. Once my dad was cleaning the house and he wanted to trow the album away like it was nothing, luckely I stopped him before he could. To this day I still don't know what came into his mind for wanting to do that. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I see Hartley walking into the main space in the corner of my eye. I turn my look towards him. He has his hands into his pockets and stands in a kind of awkward position. I walk towards him but stop a good 5 meters away from him. His expression changes when he sees I had been crying again.

"Hi." He says softly.

"Hey." I say back. I see how everyone is watching us so I walk further to him and take his arm basicly dragging him to the pipelines with me where we can talk in privacy. I quickly turn to face him.

"Why were you being like that?" I say still kind of angry at him.

"Like what?"

"Oh come on Hartley, you never were the jealous type!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Stop lying Hartley. Is this really how little you think of me? Just tell the damn truth for once in your just say it." I start tearing up again. He just stands there, not being able to say anything. "I'm the one giving you a chance here. A second chance."

"Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." He then says soflty tears forming in his eyes as well. I walk to him only inches away from him right now and put my hand on the side of his face.

"Then why did you?" I ask.

"Because I am a monster." His voice breaks by the word 'monster'. I put my hand down to my side and look at him confused.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true, ever since the particle accelerator exploded I've been living in pain." He takes my hand and puts it against his left ears, he immediatly gasps in pain when I touch it. "You have no idea what I was capable of. I couldn't have you in the middle of that. I just couldn't." Tears start rolling from his eyes and I whipe them away with the hand that was touching his ear just a second ago. He closes his eyes. "And just seeing him with you like that, it-it, I mean all the feelings I once had just came up again."

"Hartley, you're not a monster." I say. He opens his eyes and gives me a questioning look. As if he needs my confirmation to believe he isn't. I take him into my arms and we just stand there for a moment that feels like forever, but it's a moment that had been necessary since the day Hartley came back into my life...