21. Half Alive

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"Can you at least sedate her so she won't feel any pain?" I hear Hartley say and I slowly open my eyes.

"I don't have time for that, I have to do something about that shred right now or she won't make it." Caitlin answers. She's talking very quickly, and I know she's trying to concentrate. "Please Hartley, I need some space." She continues.
I feel a warmth leave my hand. I look around. I try to surpress my tears because I want to see everyone and everything clearly. This could be the last time I will ever see them as Caitlin said. Barry is walking from side to side hand on his head muttering something to himself. I turn my head away from him to the other side where my eyes meet Joe and Iris. They're holding each other and Iris is looking away, Joe looks terrified. I turn my head further where my eyes meet Cisco's. We stare into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity when I see his mouth move and make out the word "please."
I tilt my head a little bit more and see Hartley. He has his hand over his mouth and tears are rolling down his cheeks. I try to remember as much details off his beautiful face. Oh, please let this not be the last time I see him. For the first time since the accident I open my mouth and words are actually coming out of it.

"I love you." I softly whisper to him. He opens his mouth too and through the tears I can hear him say "I love you too."

"Okay Riley, look at me." Caitlin says and quickly turn my head towards her. "I'm now going to remove the shred from your stomach by pulling it out, okay?" I nodd. "This is going to hurt... I'm sorry." And she harshly pulls the shred out at once.
I scream off the top of my longs, I have never felt pain like that ever before. Then everything got black...

——

I'm alone. In a white room. I look around, but nothing. Just plain white.

"Hey..." I turn around and see Hartley. He's standing very straight right in the middle of the room with a weird glow around him. A take a deep breath.

"Am I dead?" I ask, my voice full of anxiety.

"No. You're not." He starts to walk towards me.

"Where am I? What's going on?"

"I know you must have a lot of questions..." There's a silence. I thought he didn't finish his sentence.

"Hartley, plea..."

"I am not Hartley." He cuts me off.

"Than who are you?" I look at him confused.

"You should ask yourself WHAT I am..." I narrow my eyes with even more confusion. "Just like Barry has his source of speed, the speed force. You have a source of power too, me. I take form of the person you love most in this world." He looks down at itself. "I came here to tell you that you are way more powerful than you think you are."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Let me explain. Do you remember just before than shelf fell on you? You experienced it for the first time, that feeling in your hands, that feeling in your brain. The stream of power coming from your hand. That's what I'm talking about. You must learn to handle it, to control it." The glow around Hartley fades away slowly and so does he.

"But, wait. Please, I have so many questions." But it's too late, the white room starts to fade away too...

——

I open my eyes. I see the environment I trust. The lab. I slowly tild my head and see Hartley seated beside me. When my eyes meet his he immediately stands up and comes closer to me.

"Hey, how are you feeling."

"I just had the weirdest dream." He gives me a look that says he wants me to explain. "I basically met my source of power, it looked like you and told me that I'm way more powerful than I think I am and that I should learn to control it." He looks confused. "I'll explain everything in detail later." I add.

Right at that moment Caitlin walks into the lab, she looks at us as if she's seen a ghost. She sighs deeply.

"Hey guys, uhm, I think I have some bad news for you." She says looking down.

"What is it Caitlin?" Asks Hartley. We both look at her concerned.

"Well, uhm..." She takes a deep breath. "When I removed the shred from your stomach I made some scans and uhm, turns out that you were pregnant."

"What?" I whisper. I put my hand on the unwounded side of my stomach. When I look up to Hartley I can see he's thinking hard.

"Wait..." He suddenly says. "What do you mean were."

"The shred perforated a piece of your uterus. I succeded to fix it but the baby didn't survive." She says.

I take my hand from my stomach and put it over my mouth. I lay in the bed motionless, only tears rolling down my cheeks. I take a quick look at Hartley who's hands are in his hair, tearing up too. I hear a sniff from Caitlin. I only now realise how hard this must be for her to tell us. I close my eyes and start to cry harder. I feel Hartley huging me from one side, trembling from crying also and the other side I feel Caitlin's warm hand on my head.

"I'm so sorry." She says miserably.

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