Letters to Jaemin

Letters | 10

Letter #9

Dear Jaemin,

           It was already the 24th of december and it was the day when you're supposed to do your role as a fallen angel in the play.

          We're all sitting in the benches near the school drama club where we can see all the casts getting ready for the play. After that incident in the back of our school, you suddenly turn down the offer of the director to be the lead male role of the play.

          You left and said that you don't really like doing plays in the first place. I know you're lying. I can see how sad you were when the play got started. I can see regrets from your eyes yet there's nothing more regretful than I do.

          I regretted everything I did, from distanting myself, to cutting myself to death. I regret making you feel bad. If it wasn't because of me then maybe you should be the one who's playing the lead male role in the play.

          But I should be happy right? I should feel happy because you won't be able to spend time with Hina... but why do I feel like I've became more sadder to the fact that you can no longer get to do your dream role.

          The guilt is killing me. I told you that there's no reason for you to leave the drama club but you insisted that you never liked being a part of it. It was all lies.

          In the past few days you became gloomy, although you still laugh in our jokes, used to smile at me to show that you're okay... even though you're not.

          Jaemin, why do you have to do this to yourself? You're not at fault, it was me who cause ruckus at everything.

          I'm sorry.

          I'm really sorry for making you feel this bad. If only I could turn back the time... then maybe this thing wouldn't have happened. It was all my fault.

-Minji