I Am Trouble

14~ Own

"Blair? What are you doing?" Lynne's voice echoed through my ears.

I jumped slightly at the suddenness of her voice,

"Chilling."

"Well, clearly. It's freezing cold out here and all you have is a blanket." She scoffed from behind me.

The cold has never really bothered me-at night at least. Maybe it's because I'm cold blooded already? Or maybe because it has no effect.

My blonde headed best friend came closer to where I was located, carefully-keeping her balance,

"Everything okay?"

She sat down as I sucked in more vape from my USB lookin' thing. I nodded my head.

Why does this keep happening? I'll be outside, minding my own business, not bothering anyone, yet someone still manages to follow me out here. Not that I don't like Lynne's company.

My lungs exhaled, and I watched the grey puff of smoke fade with the clearness of the night air,

"You good? How'd you know I was out here?"

She clearly hesitated before answering,

"Guess so. I just couldn't sleep."

Lynne has always been a very deep sleeper. Hell, guns could go off in the same room and she'd still be sleeping. It takes a lot to wake her up, much like Aunt Lilli. If anything, I wish I could sleep like she can-falls asleep in five minutes, doesn't wake at all through the night, then she has to wake up on her own in the morning. Since nothing can take her out of her deep sleep.

So, her saying that she 'couldn't sleep' either means that something is seriously wrong, or she's lying,

"Tell me what's going on."

She glanced at me,

"I'm scared."

I frowned in confusion, and as I opened my mouth to question her, she continued,

"About our family. They've been really secretive, talking quietly when we're around. And just-in general, they seemed more worked up than usual."

I've noticed the talking, but not to the extent that Lynne clearly has,

"Really?"

She nodded,

"Yeah. I'm worried that something bad is gonna happen."

I thought for a moment and shrugged,

"Nothin' really to worry about. If they're being cautious now, then they're prepared."

"But, Blair, you're not listening. What if something does happen? Like, what if someone gets hurt? Or what if-," Lynne rambles, but I cut her off mid sentence,

"You think too much about the 'what ifs'. Think more about the 'what actually happens'."

"Well, Miss. Rational, tell me-what's gonna happen?" She scoffed, folding her arms across her chest.

I cracked a small smile and shook my head,

"I said think about it. Not scold me about it."

She huffed as I sucked in some more vape.

Well, at least attempted to. Until Lynne grabbed it right out of my hand,

"This shit ain't good for you."

I glared at her,

"I don't care, Lynne. Give it."

Being the asshole that she is, she waved it in front of my face,

"Can't catch it, can ya?"

I hardened my glare and bit the inside of my cheek, restraining myself from becoming violent.

Yeah, yeah. Going violent over a vape. But, that USB lookin' stick is the only thing keeping me sane. There isn't drugs in it whatsoever. I'd never do that crap, just, breathing in the smoke calms me.

She goofily smiled at me and handed it back,

"Take a chill pill."

"This is my chill pill." I stated, gesturing to the stick in my hand.

She let out a small, breathy chuckle. It sounded more forced than her usual, genuine laughs. She can't really be this worried.

~~~

I glanced at the light, grey hoodie that is still sitting on the black sorter in my closet. The day that Jamie gave me this to wear for the walk home still flashes through my head every once and a while.

To be honest, I would wear it again. But I know that my dad would kill me if he saw that I was wearing a pice of clothing that wasn't mine. Or Lynne's. Or Landon's...

Just, a piece of clothing that he doesn't recognize in general.

A day still flashes through my mind-I hadn't ever seen my dad so angry than I did that day. Landon bought a new t-shirt the day before, and I said that I liked it so much, he promised I could wear it the next day. Long story short, my dad flipped his shit and said that I can't turn into a slut.

His words would've hurt any other teenage girl, but all they did was make me stronger-in a way.

Once I explained that it was Landon's shirt, he went all lovey-dovey father on me. He apologized so many times, I lost count. Even though I don't really count anything in the first place.

Just getting the point across, he apologized a lot. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him feel so bad. Especially towards one person.

I guess you could say my dad is a pretty... cold person. No-maybe cold isn't the right word. But tough isn't the right word either...

He-he just does what he thinks is right. Regardless of others feelings in the situation. But that's why I look up to him so much, he doesn't let others get in the way of what he needs to do.

"Hey, you comin' down for dinner?" Dylan asks as he stands in my door way.

I glanced at him and shook my head,

"Not hungry."

"Do you want mom to save you a plate?" He questions me.

I shook my head yet again,

"No."

He didn't ask any further questions. Instead, just walked out and closed my bedroom door behind him.

In reality, I'm really not hungry. But, also, I haven't eaten much today. So I should eat some dinner-just for the health sake of it.

My mother practically starved herself as a child. But, my dad loves his food. So, I'm definitely following in his footsteps-which is exactly what I want.

Lynne, Myles, Uncle Noah and Aunt Lilli went home around noon. Do I know why? Nope.

Actually, they probably said why they were leaving in the middle of the day, but I just wasn't listening. Which is something that I'm very good at. Blocking out people and/or noises. Probably my biggest talent, I can block out any noice or voice in a matter of seconds.

It comes in handy. Like, in a class I absolutely despise-I can zone right out.

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