Hans ke, kyu tor diye waade

Part 38

Neil stood in front of a photo with garland of a girl. A girl with a cute smile, maturity as well as innocence reflecting from her eyes and her black and dense hair granting her even more beauty. Neil folded his hands infront of her and cried bitterly.

N: Juhi mjhe pls maaf krdo, pls mjhe maaf krdo. Maine tmhare saath dhoka kiya hai. Na tum jab zinda thi tab yh deserve krti thi na ab marne ke baad yh deserve krti ho mjhe pls maaf krdo. Maine apni zindagi mae srf paap aur gunnah hi kiye hai. Bawli aur tere dono ke saath itne zulm kiye hai. Ishana sach mere dil mae tere liye jo bhi tha usme 1% bhi fareb ya khudgarzi nhi thi. Dil se tmhari izzat krta tha aur tmhe chahta tha, tmse jo waade kiye jo kasmein khayi unhe todna nhi chahta tha. Par zindagi mjhe aise mod par le aayi ki mjhe bawli se pyar ka ehsas hua, yh ehsas hua ki uske bina shayad mera dil bhi dhakadna bandh krde.

(Juhi pls forgive me. I have betrayed you. You didnt deserve this even when u were alive nor do u deserve all this now. Pls forgive me. I have just done misdeeds in my life. I have tortured both you and bawli. Ishana honestly whatever is their within me for you was'nt fake for even 1%. It was not because of me selfishness, I actually respected you and liked you as a person from all my heart. The promises, the swears I made to you werent meant to be broken but the epiphany which struck me regarding my love for bawli caused me to do all this. I realised that without her this heart of mine will also stop beating!)

Maine bht koshish ki apne dimag ki sunni par nhi mere dil ke aage woh haar aagya aur mai bawli ke paas chala gya. Lkn mai tmhara gunnehgaar hn, tm meri patni thi, meri zimmedari thi mjhe tmhara dhyan rkhna chahiye tha, mai apne farz apne pati ke farz mae fail hogya. Mai aaj bhi jab jab Avni ke paas jata hn mere aage tmhara woh khoon se lad pad chehra aata hai, sach kahun toh meri rooh kaanp jaati hai jab jab us din ke baare mae sochta hn.

(Juhi I tried my best to listen to my brain but it lost the battle with my heart. My heart and my live for bawli won. But yes I surely am your wronger, you were my wife, my responsibilty I was supposed to rake care of you protect you,but I failed miserably. Even today whenever I go near Avni I can see that face of yours with blood all over it, my soul trembles out I swear whenever I think of that day.)

Mgr iska mai bawli ko pta hargiz nhi lgne de skta. Choti hai woh. Apni umar ke hisaab se aage hi uski tadpan uski taqleefein bht zyada hai. Mai chahta hn ki usse mere trf se jis pyaar ki intezaar itne salon se thi mai usse woh pyaar du, usse mai apni dil ki taqlifein bata ya dikha kr usse aur udaas nhi kar skta.

(But I cannot let bawli know about this. She is small. According to her age her sufferings have been alot more. So now I want that the love she has been waiting from my side should reach her as soon as possible. I cant surely tell her my pains and sadden her further in life.)

Juhi ho sake toh mjhe maaf krdena. Waada kiya tha tmse maine ki tmhare ilawa kisi ladki ki trf nhi dekhunga, kisi se pyaar nhi krunga. Par kya kru? Is pagal dil ko hogya pyar.. hogya pyar ya yunh kahu phle se hi tha, tmhari muhabbat mae kbhi koi kammi nhi thi haar toh mai gya hn. Har rishte ko nibhane mae.

(Juhi if possible pls forgive ne. I had promised you that except for you I wont lay down my eyes on any other girl of this world, I wont live anyone. But what to do? I fell in love. Or I was already in love. This mad heart of mine has fallen. It was your love which was so pure and flawless, It is me who has failed. I have failed in fulfilling all my duties)

He felt his knees becoming weaker and fell down on the ground crying bitterly.

Na jaane kyu meri zindagi is tarah ulajh gyi hai. Maine na kbhi kisi ka bura chaha ya kiya. Apne jazbaton par kaabu hi nhi hai mera. Aur apne dil ki baat ki aakhir kahun toh mai kahun kisse? Bata tuh?

(God knows why my life has got complicated this way. I havent wanted bad for anyone nor have I done something bad to anyone. Why cant I control ky feelings. And then whom should I convey my heart to? You only tell me?)