"Is it utterly pathetic that I've been in love with the same person for oh I don't know the last seventy years."
"Nah It's poetic."
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All credit for cover goes to @blackqueen39
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Numb. That was what I felt, all I could feel. It had been several days since James had died and in that time I hadn't once left my room I was staying in, I had shut everyone out and was being left to bask in my own grief. Anyone who had tried to see or talk to me had been ignored and eventually left. All I wanted was my brother.
I silently cried into my knees, honestly, I was surprised there was any water left in my body from the number of tears that were relentlessly trailing down my cheeks.
"Dotty you in there" I didn't react to the voice, it just sounded like white noise.
"Go away" my voice was monotone and scratched against my dry throat.
"Dotty, it's Steve. Please" didn't answer I just pulled my knees tighter to my chest. "I'm coming in okay" I heard the door click open and soft footsteps that were leading to me, the bed dipped and I felt a hand on my knee.
"I said go away, I don't want to see anyone" well maybe one person.
"I'm not leaving you" arms wrapped securely around me, I felt safe in Steve's arms and that feeling of safeness I hated it why should I feel safe when James was, was. Deep breath, all the pain I felt, the pain I had buried under numbness came flooding back to the surface and god did it hurt, I started sobbing into his chest clutching at the material of his jacket, he didn't say anything for the moment he just held me slowly rocking me back and forth "he can't be gone, he can't."
"Dotty."
The sobs seemed to halter briefly but the tears still fell, I pulled back to glance up at him, Steve didn't look like his normal self it was evident by his face that he was upset but however bad he looked at his worse I'm sure I looked a hundred times worse "they never found his body, he might still be alive, please, please, he has to be alive. Please he can't be dead, please, no, no" the grief washed over me like waves, one minute I felt like I could hold a normal conversation and the next the sobs would return causing me to break down "please Steve."
"Dotty I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I tried to save him I did, I'm sorry" even though my own tears, my own sadness I knew Steve was hurting just as bad as I was. I couldn't just let him hurt alone.
"I don't blame you, Steve, I don't. I just want him back" my head seemed to lose its ability to stay up by itself and fell back into his chest, I continued to cry again, the dames had been broken and the water that was tears were never-ending.
"You don't have to face this alone Dotty, I'm here, I'll always be here." My eyes slowly started to flutter shut, I hadn't slept since James died, and with Steve holding me in his arms I felt safer then I had done in days, his voice seemed to go into a whisper "I love you Dorthy Barnes, and I always will."
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The next day after thankfully a dreamless night of sleep I had awoken with only one thought "all of hydra will either die or be thrown into a cell and be forgotten about."
