His Victoria (renewed)

42

I felt the sun kissed me as I woke up from my sleep, burning my face with its hot sunlight. I groaned and rolled back, wanting to get away from the brightness. A chuckle from behind me made me open my eyes with a smile, a sudden urge to greet that person ran through me.

I faced him and grinned, "Good morning boyfriend."

He smirked and raised an eyebrow at me before replying, "Good morning girlfriend."

Since the day we officially became a couple, we always tease each other with these nicknames.

Today is the day of the surgery.

"What time is it?" I asked Lucas.

He brought his hand up and looked at his watch, "Uh, almost seven."

I nodded and sat up. I leaned my head onto the headboard and closed my eyes for a little while. The surgery is going to be in this evening so I still have time to mess around. Not that I have that much energy to.

Lucas held my hand and put it in his to grab my attention. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I'm going to my home to freshen up, I'll be back, okay?"

I slightly pouted but quickly replaced it with a smile and nodded.

"It won't take long, I will be back here in no time. Maybe in... 15 minutes?"

Hearing him said that made my eyes widened. Lucas has this weird habit, he likes to take a shower without putting any soap. Remember when he told me he didn't use my soap because of its smell? Well he was actually just making that up so I wouldn't know about this habit of his.

"Please do take a proper shower, with soap. I'll be fine, you don't need to rush. Just go and rest at your home for a while."

He furrowed his eyebrows and searched for something in my eyes. After a while he asked, "You sure?"

I smiled and nodded. He nodded back slightly with a worried expression on his face. He sighed, "Okay... See you." He walked out of the room.

"See you." I whispered, mostly to myself. After I was sure he was gone, I grabbed the book I'm currently reading and flipped to the page where I left it last. And then, I let myself got drowned into it.

After about half an hour of me reading the book, a soft knock could be heard from the outside. I closed the book and put it to the side before asking the person to come in.

I was surprised to see my baby brother walked into the room with all his glory. His hands were in his jeans' pockets and his eyes were looking downward. "J!" I called him happily.

He sat down on the chair next to me before finally looking at me properly. "Hey." He said with no emotion in his voice.

I grinned and straightened myself up. "Well this is a surprise." I commented.

He sighed, "Lucas called me to look after you while he showers." He said, leaning more towards the chair with his boyish sitting style.

I rolled my eyes at that. I don't need anyone to look after me. Especially not my little brother. But I understand that Lucas is worried about me and that he cares. So I'm not going to be childish and talk him into it.

I looked back at J who's just texting on his phone. I let out a breath. Sooner or later, I'm still going to have to talk with him about his behavior towards me lately. So I guess I can just ask him now. Why wait?

"J." I started by calling him.

He looked away from his phone. "Huh?" He asked.

"I noticed it, you know. You're avoiding me."

He raised his eyebrows, "I know."

"Why?"

He sighed heavily and put his phone aside. "Why? Hmm, let me think.." He tapped his index finger on his chin as if he's thinking deeply. "Oh yeah! Maybe because you're trying to kill yourself." He said in a mocked voice.

I frowned, "How am I trying to kill myself?"

He stared at me like he didn't believe the thing I just said and scoffed. "You're really asking me? You are the one who wants to do this surgery, and you're asking me?" I didn't say anything, so he continued, "You know you have a fat chance to die today, right? Or are you just super dumb?"

"I know what I'm doin-"

"Clearly you don't. All this time you're just killing yourself slowly, aren't you? By not taking those pills. And now when ma told you about the surgery and its risk, I bet you were like, 'oh, this is my chance to die'. That's why you're doing it. I guess you are the happiest now, am I right?"

"No-"

He stood up abruptly from the chair. "And you don't even think about how the people around you feel. All you think about is yourself and how pathetic and miserable your life is. You don't even care about how I feel. Do you think it's easy to live my life, knowing that the closest person to me is going to leave? How I went back home from school everyday wishing that you were there? At home? But your selfish self decided to stay at that old house for your own benefits. So you can be with your friends. Well maybe to you friends can fill your loneliness but to me, I just need my sister. The one who used to play with me and prank me and annoy me to no end."

He huffed and sat back down. He stared into spaces and after a while, he whispered, "I just want those times back."

Finally he has said it. The things that he kept all to himself up until now, he has finally said it. I always knew that he has so many things on his mind. I always knew but I never asked him because I didn't want to pressure him into telling me anything.

I didn't know he was feeling lonely. I didn't know me not being there could make him feel upset. I didn't know he needed me, I thought he was fine since he's popular in his school and plus he basically has his own fan club. I wish I knew all of these earlier.

"J, I'm sorry."

He ran his fingers through his hair, "You don't need to be."

"Why did you help me with staying there when you don't want me to?"

He chuckled before answering, "I can't be selfish like you now, can I?"

I squinted my eyes at him and he just tilted his head up in a challenging way. I shook my head and giggled.

"You shouldn't have kept it all." I told him.

"But that's the only thing I'm good at."