36 Questions of Destiel

Question 18

"What is your most terrible memory?"

"Well, we had to see that one coming," Dean commented, sitting back in his chair. 

"Oh, so we're going to be serious again?" Cas raised an eyebrow.

"How about we just skip this one and go back to having fun?" Dean suggested.

"....No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"No. I promised I would answer all of the questions, and you did too-"

"I have no memory of doing that,"

"-Well you did, so now we're going to answer them, and I want to hear about your most terrible memory." Cas slapped the note card on the table and sat back in his chair, waiting.

"...You don't want to hear my most terrible memory," Dean replied, sliding the card towards him.

"Yes I do."

"NO, you don't."

"Why not?"

"Because it would traumatize you the same way it traumatized me, and frankly, I don't feel like crying in your lap right now."

"What if I go first?"

"You do that." Cas sighed. 

"Well, before I tell you, you should know that my brother Lucifer is pansexual."

"What Satan's sexuality has to do with any of this, I don't know, but go on."

"And when I was eight, he had a boyfriend named Michael. One night, Lucifer and Michael went out on a date. Just out to the movies or something. And some guys who didn't like gay people, and I mean REALLY didn't like gay people, saw them." Cas stared at the table, all humor drained from his face. "They jumped them, and next thing I knew, it was 2 am, and I was sitting in my living room watching Michael cry on our couch, covered in blood. Lucifer had protected him, and taken on four guys to keep them away from Michael. I didn't see my brother until two days later, when they let him out of the intensive care unit at the hospital, and part of me wishes I had never gone to visit him because now, whenever I hear about something bad happening on the news, or whenever I don't know where Luci is and I start to get worried, all I can see is my big brother, the man I idolized for being unbreakable, lying beaten and broken in a hospital bed."

A silence settled over them as Cas's words sunk in.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered eventually.

"Nothing you have to apologize for, he's okay now."

"Still." Cas fiddled with his hands.

"He and Michael have been married for nearly four years now, actually." He smiled. "They're really happy."

"That's good," Dean nodded, glancing up and meeting Cas's eyes. "That's really good."

"Your turn."

"Do you still want to hear if I told you mine was worse than yours?" Cas nodded.

"You've heard me at my lowest, Dean Winchester. About time I heard you at yours." Dean took a shaky breath, and then nodded.

"As you've probably guess by now, it involves my dad." He began. "He drinks. A lot. That's just one of many reasons, I suppose, why he beats us. And before we moved here, we lived in Lebanon. Lebanon was bad, Cas. He drank twice as much, and he'd hit my mom and my brother and me. It was my job to keep Sam away from him though. That's what Adam told me. It was his job to get Dad away from Mom, and it was my job to keep him away from Sam. He tried so hard to protect me too, but there's only so much a scrawny kid can do, you know? I used to lock Sammy in the bathroom because it was the only door in the house with a lock, and sure, Dad got mad, but he never got mad enough to break down a door just to hurt Sammy. But this one night, he was really mad. He had gotten into a fight with my mom earlier about Adam going to college- Adam didn't want to go anyway, but that wasn't the point- and then he got drunk and angry, and for some reason Adam decided that tonight was the night he was finally going to stick up for himself. He yelled back. Fought back." Dean stopped, a haunted look growing in his eyes. "And for some reason, the first thing I remember about this night is that we had casserole for dinner. I don't know why, but that's the first thing that always comes to my mind. Probably because the minute Adam decided to stick up for himself at the dinner table, Dad took his plate and smashed it over Adam's head. By the time I got back from locking Sam in the bathroom, my mother was screaming, and my brother was on the floor, getting his brains bashed in by my father." He shook his head. "Mom tried to stop him. I tried to stop him. He just threw us away. He wouldn't stop. I don't even think he could. He was just... so angry. And he killed Adam. Right in front of us, as we screamed bloody murder as one went on." His hands were shaking, Cas found himself unable to breathe. "Apparently, I found out later, Sam snuck his phone into the bathroom with him. I never yelled when we got beat. It never happened. I knew better. So when I started screaming, Sam called the cops. By the time they showed up, Dad had stopped hurting Adam, and had turned to me. Three cracked ribs by the time they pulled him away. They took us to the hospital, but Adam was already dead. I stayed in the hospital for three days, we stayed with Bobby for the rest. They had a whole trial for my old man, wanted to put him away for life for all kinds of abuse and first degree murder." Dean shook his head. "But he spent Adam's college fund money on a fancy lawyer that got him off with community service and a warning." Dean shook his head. "And somehow, I think the moment I heard that sentence, it was worse than watching Adam die before my eyes."

Cas didn't say anything. The silence was heavier this time, until Cas reached across the table and took Dean's hand in his.

They lost track of how long they sat there in silence before Dean picked up the next card, just wanting to move on. Because moving on was better at this point.