The Trouble with Faking It / Tyler Seguin

Chapter 14: Loving You Had Consequences

A/N: CHAPTER WARNINGS: suicide is discussed in this chapter so if that is a trigger topic or makes you uncomfortable you can skip this chapter. it mostly is about the funeral and there is one scene with daisy and tyler in the end but its not really important. 

im not a professional but i wanted to say that if you're ever struggling with these things, please talk to someone about it. seek help because there is nothing wrong with needing help! and remember, you are not alone <3 

as always, thank you for reading and I hope you like it!

Chapter 14: loving you had consequences

"funerals, I had decided, are for the living." - John Green

April 13th

My great grandma always told me that when she passed away, she didn't want a funeral. They're for the living, she told me, not the dead. It was a weird thing to tell a 14-year-old but it makes sense I guess, because sitting in a room full of people who I haven't seen in years feels more like some sick family reunion.

We're at the viewing. I'm sitting in a corner with Axel as far away from the casket as we can get because neither of us is ready for that. It's upsetting the dirty looks people are sending Axel and most of them are my dads side of the family and from his friends. It was a widely known fact that Axel made a mistake that cost him his chance at a hockey career but I do know that our dad blew it way out of proportion.

"I just wanna get out of here." Axel mummers, glaring at a cousin who's been looking at him with disdain most of the afternoon.

"I know." I say, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it. Jaxon catches my eyes and I watch as he shakes hands with someone before making his way towards us. Lauren trails behind him looking very uncomfortable. I force a smile and pat the seat next to me and she sits looking grateful.

Lauren and I have our differences but we have a mutual agreement to put them behind us because of what is happening.

"How are you guys?" Jax asks but I know he's asking Axel more than me. Jax and I had a long conversation about this when I landed in Montreal and how we are dealing with it.

Whatever the reason, before dad died he changed his Will, stating that he wanted to be buried wherever my mom was planning to and that was a small cemetery in Sainte-Agathe-des-Monts.

He left notes for all of us but I haven't found the courage to read mine and I'm not sure I ever will.

Axel shrugs. "I'm tired of everybody staring at me." he frowns and a wave of guilt crosses his face. "I know that's selfish considering the circumstances."

"Hey, don't worry about it." Jax says. His eyes flit to Lauren before looking back at us. "Did you guys read your letters?" He asks quietly.

Axel and I share a look, shaking our heads.

"No." I say and Jax looks relieved.

"I thought I was the only one. Mom read hers. She was really upset afterwards but wouldn't say what he wrote in the letter." He shrugs. "Guess I can't blame her. I just hope he didn't say anything mean."

Lauren clears her throat gently and we all look at her.

"If you don't mind me saying something..." she glances at Jax who nods.

"My brother took his own life when I was twelve. He left a note that my parents allowed me to read a few years later. Most of it was him making peace with people who he had a bad relationship with." She tries to give us a gentle smile. "Hopefully that is what your father did too."