The Trouble with Faking It / Tyler Seguin

Chapter 15: Where We Gonna Go From Here?

Chapter 15: Where We Gonna Go From Here?

"Self-love is not selfish; You cannot truly love someone until you know how to love yourself."

April 15th

"How was it?"

His voice is quiet. We've been sitting for a few minutes since I finished reading the letter. I glance down at our hands where he is rubbing his thumb in soothing circles on mine. He starts to pull away when he sees me staring but I squeeze his hand because right now, that is the only thing that is keeping me anchored.

"I feel better." I tell Tyler because there are no other words I can think of to explain. I can't say that I feel at peace because that will take time but I understand a little more.

I'm beginning to realize that perhaps my father wasn't as bad as I was making him out to be. He was a man who had demons and regrets that none of us will ever make sense of fully. I feel better though.

"I'm glad." He says softly and I can't help it - I lean in to kiss him.

But he stops me.

"I don't think it's a good idea right now." He tells me quietly and I blush, feeling embarrassed.

"It's not that I don't want to, I just -" He begins but I cut him off, standing up quickly.

"No, it's alright. I understand." I force a smile but it feels so fake. "I'll see you around, Tyler."

"Daisy," he says but I turn away and walk to my car with the little dignity I have left. I don't know what possessed me to do that. We're not together anymore but then again, were we ever?

May 4th

What am I doing here?

It's a question that is spinning around my head as I sit across from Caden, my neighbour. I decided to apologize to him for Tyler's behaviour by bringing him some cookies and one thing lead to another and I've found myself sitting across from him in some high-end restaurant. I feel totally out of place and I keep thinking back to my date with Tyler and how well he knew me.

"You're a million miles away."

I snap out of my thoughts and smile sheepishly at Caden. "Sorry. Just thinking about how good the food is." I lie.

"Is that all you are thinking about?" He jokes but I can see the real disappointment laying underneath his tone.

I cringe, trying to come up with another lie but he just smiles.

"I get it. Dating after a break-up isn't easy."

'Tyler and I weren't ever a couple' I want to say but Tyler has me stuck in this lie.

"Yeah, it's not easy." I agree.

"I thought we could catch a movie after dinner?" He offers and I sigh inwardly because going to a movie is the last thing I want but I agree and then find myself sitting in the dark movie theatre where Caden is trying to make a move on me like some dumb, awkward teenager. When his hand lands on my thigh I jump and then excuse myself, telling him I have to go to the washroom. He looks disappointed but nods.

I make my way out of the theatre quickly but slow down once I'm past the doors, wanting to drag my trip as long as possible. There are people loitering in the lobby, some leaving one of the theaters and others going in or buying tickets.

I find my way to the washroom but before I go in, I freeze when I see Tyler sitting by himself on a bench. He's trying to blend in but I could pick him out from anywhere.