Conflicted Emotions

Chapter 23: Jamie's Breakdown

{~Spencer POV~}

Shit. I totally messed that one up. Why is it that when I'm talking to her I can't keep my big, egotistical mouth shut but when I'm not I regret it and tell myself that I don't want to sleep with her? Argh!

"Spencer!" I heard Vanessa call again. I scowled and ignored her, making myself and my room look half presentable. My room was never presentable. I heard the shower stop and grimaced, not really wanting to face the fake slut at the moment.

I looked out of the window to Jess's floor to ceiling one. She was sitting on her bed...and I was astonished to see that she was crying. Oh heck, since when do I make Jessica Johnson cry? I swore and tried to think of a way to kick Vanessa out without sounding too insensitive, and gave up. It wasn't like I hadn't done it before.

"Why didn't you join me?" she whined, pouting. I ran my fingers through my hair.

"I - can you go, please? Next time..." she pouted again. She probably thought it made her look cute and irresistible. I thought she looked pathetic.

"Fine, but please can you share a shower with me next time?" I fought back a scowl as I replied.

"Yeah, but it's just my brother's going to be home soon..." I lied. Just get out! I was screaming in my head. She left. Relieved, I flumped back on my bed and sighed, closing my eyes. This is SO messed up. I got off my bed and looked out of the window again. Jess was still sitting on her bed, but she had stopped crying, and was now staring blankly at the opposite wall. I wondered what she was thinking about.

I think she could feel my stare, because she looked across at my window. Our eyes met. I struggled to find something to say, so I said something plain, simple and pretty pathetic. She probably wouldn't forgive me. "I'm sorry," I said out loud, trying to make the words easy to lip read. She stared at me blankly. I held up a finger for her to wait and sprinted into my brother's room to find paper. Once I had, I wrote the words so they filled the page and held it up to the window for her to see. She stared at me for a moment. Then she stood up and stuck up her middle finger.

Shit.

**

{~Jess POV~}

**

I had barely said anything on the journey to school, and my friends were worried. Lucy, Michelle and the boys all knew about the hospital thing but they didn't tell anyone else - they, like me, knew it wasn't gossip material. However, when I saw Nina and Steph whispering together I got a little suspicious. My suspicions were confirmed when Nina followed us to our dorm when we got to school.

"Jess," started Steph, sighing. "Don't be mad. If it means we can help, it'll be worth it."

"What will?" I asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. Steph took a deep breath.

"We're both worried that you do have a thing for him. You just don't know it." She paused, waiting for my reaction. I glared, but that didn't put them off.

"Now, tell us what you really felt in the hospital," said Nina sternly. I sighed and looked at them from the edge of my bed, hoping to get out of this. "Spill!" Nina ordered more harshly, but not threateningly, when I didn't co-operate. I looked at the floor.

"You know me too well," I said, smiling despite myself. They really did. They both folded their arms and smiled triumphantly. I took a deep breath and, trying to not to cry as I thought about the last time I saw him, told them everything, including Vanessa. They didn't interrupt but I knew they would have something to say when I finished. Sure enough...

"Jess. Please don't take this the wrong way. But really - stay away from him. You don't want to end up like Mich -"

"Michelle, I know! But I can't help it! I proved he had a nice side when he's upset about something, I just try to get it out of him fully! I can't just let him live a life of pure misery and, well, Spencer-ness (you know what I mean) when he can be a completely different person!" I cried, covering my face with my hands as he tears started to fall. I felt them both sit either side of me and put their arms round me.