Guiding Light || OC x Draco Malfoy

Chapter 8:

"I suppose you could say that, yeah...It's a rather long story, actually" Toying with the hem of my blankets that were within reach of my now bound hands, I kept my mind preoccupied so that it wouldn't wonder too far.

"Luckily for you, our two hours have only begun recently. If you are comfortable telling me, I'd love to hear the story." Leaning back further into the chair he had sat in, he loosely crossed his legs together and looked out to me as I began my story.

Was I really about to tell him this? Not another soul knew this story other than me. Though as soon as that sentence formed in my mind's lips, I got that numb, empty feeling. There was something missing from that statement too.

"The first time I got sentenced to a prison, after I killed my parents and sister, I was barely 17. They sent me to Nurmengard for only about 10 months, but they were grueling. The person that was in my cell before they put me in there had carved this moon chart thing into the walls. Mind you, all of it was written in German, but I memorized all of the phases regardless. I was able to see the moon from my cell every night, so I tracked it using the chart, and learned a lot about the sky. Once I got out of Nurmengard, I went and did a bit of research. I looked up star charts and planet maps: the constellations were always my favorite. About a year later, they sent me to Alcatraz after the thing with my cousin happened, and again I was able to map the stars in my head."

I took a few replenishing breaths, and continued on with the rest of the story, trying desperately to swallow down the bile that was clogging my airways.

"I broke out of Alcatraz when I was 20, and then I ransacked all of Britain. My natural powers sort of imploded inside of me at one point, and there was a mass killing; 7 people, all at once. They never caught me in the aftermath of that, so I fled to France. Killed a family of 5 there, the youngest of which was no more than 10, and that's when they finally caught me. Sent me to Azkaban as a sort of last resort after realizing how futile everything else they'd done was. Mapped the sky like that for nearly 2 years while I was locked up, supposed to be driven mad by the dementors. Celebrated my twenty-first birthday behind bars."

He was silent for a little while, trying to decide what emotion he should be feeling. I didn't blame him at all, truthfully. That story was sad, but also kind of happy at the same time. Bittersweet, I guess you could call it. That's how I felt right now too, and odd pressure in my chest that was keeping me from breathing right. I didn't like that feeling at all.

Based on the look in his eyes, he was in his head right now. Having a heated argument with himself while he tried to decide what to make of that piece of information about me. The walls that I had tried so desperately to keep up when I first met him were crumbling down more the longer I knew him. That first day, I didn't even want to tell him my birthday for fear that he would somehow use it against me, but here I was a month later telling him the most intimate things about me like it was a new kind of second nature. The fact that my opinion of one person could change so drastically was making my heart pound in my chest like a bass drum.

" I never realized you were that young." His voice was soft, as if he hadn't realized his internal volume was never raised when he spoke the words aloud. "I'm over 10 years older than you. That's bizarre, frankly"

" And I guess I never realized you were that old. You don't show it, truthfully. How old are you anyways?"

" I turned 34 last June. Had Scorpius pretty young, I suppose. Astoria and I were only 28 when he was born. He's only just turned 6 last November"

Nowhere in any of my wildest fantasies had I ever envisioned having a child. All I'd ever done for a great part of my time on earth was destroy. I ended lives in gruesome ways, and tore them apart like tissue paper. I didn't mend or save them, and I certainly did not create them. It was in the nature of my body to do so, but nowhere in my mind. One was much more strong-willed than the other.

" God, I can't even imagine that! I'm not even 23 yet." My words were true. Thinking 5 years from now, I couldn't even fathom myself a parent. There was no way that I could ever be responsible for another human. I can't even take care of myself sometimes! The thought of that much responsibility was honestly horrifying to me.

"Parenthood is the most terrifying thing that I have ever experienced. I fought in a war, and joined the ranks alongside some of the darkest wizards out there. The only time I have ever been more scared than the day Scorp was born, was the day Astoria told me she was pregnant. Just the idea that there was another life in my hands now. I—I was afraid to hold him at first because I thought I would drop him. I actually never held him without sitting for the first 2 weeks after he was born." Once again, that same...dreamyness came over him. Just pure love for his own son that made me feel sickly warm emotions deep down.

"Now that I think back on it, I realize how absolutely ridiculous that thought was. I mean, I loved someone enough to create a brand new human with them, and I was afraid to touch my own child. He just— He looked so pure, and gentle, and innocent. And I'm so..."

"Corrupted?" I prompted the end to his sentence, unable to restrain myself. I understood, maybe even too much. I knew nothing of children, or marriage, and as far as I could tell on the surface, love. But even with all of those ignorances, I understood corruption like a second language.

"Yeah, that exactly. But he's growing up now. He's got his own personality, and his own friends. I mean, in just five years, he's going to be going to hogwarts. Same years as Pot—" He dropped his words like a piece of trash, discarding them like a dirty napkin before he cleared his throat and continued on like nothing had ever happened.

" Like I said before, I never knew you were that young. Not just when you were first convicted, but also in general. I'm 11 years older than you. Not sure if I'm young for my real age, or if you're wise beyond your years, but the decade of difference doesn't feel like it's there at all." He let a little bit of his new joking tone seep out into his smile.

" I suppose we do have a bit of an age gap, don't we? A little weird to think that I was born the year you started school."

"1991. Crazy year, huh?"