The Freak (mxm)

Chapter 25: Avoiding reality

"In everybody's life there's a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can't go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That's how we survive."
― Haruki Murakami

REMY'S POV

I quite enjoy silence, in general. People talk too much, as if they were constantly competiting with each other to make more sounds, to take more space. 

However, there are different kinds of silence. Peaceful silences. Tensed silences. Meaningful silences. Akward silences. Silences that are answers in themselves. 

I have never, ever experienced a silence like this one, though. The entire room just feels so cold. Neither of us is moving. I'm not even sure Nour is breathing.

Thankfully, Matthias was subtle enough to discreetly leave the room. It is pretty obvious that Nour doesn't need a public right now. I asked him if he wanted to be left alone but he shook his head negatively. 

Thanks God. I feel much better knowing I can stay here and keep an eye on him. 

I eventually decide to sit on the bed, and pat an empty spot on the bed near me, but Nour just looks at me with dead eyes, without moving an inch. 

Message received. Of course, he wouldn't want any physical contact right now, if ever again. I know deep down that the guy needs a huge and so much more. I want to take him in my arms,  cocoon him in a bundle of covers and keep him in my bedroom forever. But I can't do any of that if he doesn't want me to.

 How am I supposed to comfort him by using mere words? And to say what? Everything will be fine? I will bring you the head of that godamn rapist?  I can't promise that to him. 

It's just so unfair. He was starting to get better. He was opening up. He was healing, I could tell.

"It was that night when you, Amine and Matthias throw a party at the house. The day before Amine told me to leave" Nour says suddenly. 

"Huh?" is my dumb reply, as I was not expecting him to start talking. He has stayed silent for over twenty minutes!

"The night when I was raped" he clarifies, matter-of-factly, making me wince. "I got home early, nobody was there and I was feeling depressed so I had a few drinks. Well, more than just "a few drinks" but that's not the point. I passed out and when I woke up, I felt this burning pain in my lower back. I thought nothing of it, since I used to have this kind of pain from time to time after all these -erm, intense make-out sessions with Will".

"But... you knew something was wrong, didn't you? You knew this time something was different?" I ask hesitantly. 

I don't know how to handle the situation. For once in my life, I don't know what to say. Nour is talking in such a robotic manner, it is impossible to know what he is thinking. 

"I - well, that asshole, Axil I think is his name, he did tell me something that I found a bit weird, but I was so disgusted by the guy that I didn't try to analyze what he was saying. I just thought he was crazy"

"What did he say?"

"He said something about me being much more obedient a few moments ago, and it made no sense at the time, since I had never met him. I didn't know he was as much a pervert as his big brother"

I nod, and try to convey all my feelings through my gaze but he averts his eyes and I feel my heart tearing up in my chest. 

"Nour" I begin tentatively. "You know I will always be there for you, right? I won't let you deal with this on your own. I lo-"