You're Mine

17. Alex

6.08.19

My body currently feels as if I've been run over by a truck with every fiber of my being aching. I didn't even have the energy to open my eyes yet, but I could still feel Ash standing a quiet guard next to my body. He was tense and unwavering, and I had a feeling that he would attack if anyone came into the room with unfriendly intentions. When I had finally worked up the strength to open my eyes, his face jerked over to me almost instantly at the movement. I hauled myself into a sitting position, and I was immediately shocked by the firm hug he offered around my shoulders. I leaned into the embrace, ignoring the pain that I felt because the feeling of his warmth was much more important. I moved away after a few moments of silence before taking in his bedraggled appearance. His eyes had dulled slightly, their usually sharp appearance being stripped, leaving the raw emotions that had been rotting underneath for who knows how long. Actually, it was probably 12 years. Initiate genius.

"You're hurting... It's my father's fault," I breathed into his neck, and he nodded a bit.

"I don't see a reason to hide it anymore... I am hurting, and it is totally the fault of your parent."

"I'm the reason they're dead," I pointed out, and he gave me a look to stop with my nonsense.

"No, you aren't, you were too young and you didn't know how to handle it. I don't blame you, so don't blame yourself."

"I never told you how my mother really died, did I?" It was a story that I wasn't proud of, but one I have to tell him because I don't want to go hiding anything from him. In order to feel fully comfortable with him, it's a tale that must be told. I need him to explore every bit of my inner mind, or the feeling of guilt at not being fully honest with him will eat me from the inside out. "He... Killed her. He killed her for not hating vampires! No one else knows, only me, but one night she revealed her feelings on the subject and he stabbed her. He planted it in the woods, blamed it on your coven. That's how he started a war! He didn't know that I saw. If I would have told, then none of this would have happened!" I shouted, my voice breaking in the very center of the confessions. I should have told someone like my dad's beta, then the tragedy would never have happened and Ash would still have his parents.

He hugged me once again even tighter this time, but I didn't mind the slight pain in place of the comfort I felt. "Just listen to yourself! Where is the fearless boy I know? You can't just blame an entire war on one person, and it's so obvious that you never did that on purpose. " His eyes portrayed his hopelessness. I know he hated seeing me this way, but I don't want to keep all of my emotions hidden any longer. The only way to help myself and eventually get over the things deep inside is to talk about them in open air. As much as I enjoy Camden's company, he's a bad therapist.

"I heard that you idiot pile of meat."

"Thanks for proving my point."

"There was no point proven here."

"You called me an idiot pile of meat just now. Remind me what you told me when I was watching her bleed to death?"

"I told you the truth that her rotting body would make the forest grow stronger!"

Yes, as I said, wolves don't have a very good grasp on human emotions, and I need someone other than him to confide the issues tormenting my soul in.

Ash is showcasing the very thing that makes me love him all the more, and that is his ability to read even deeper than just the surface of the matter. He still cares about me even though I just told him something that would make the average person cringe away. He shows me every day that he cares a lot about me, and I'm never going to take that for granted, never in a million years.

"I still think that it's my fault, at least in part."

"There may be a small fraction, but he's still the one that got the bright idea of killing his own soulmate. You needn't talk down on yourself that way, it'll just make you feel even more alone."

"Can I just... Can I have some time to think about this?"

"That depends, what are you going to do during that time?"

"I just want to go back to the alleyway and think about this for a bit. I think that it's important for me to process this alone then come back once I've had the time to collect all of my thought in one place and come to a solid conclusion."

"Don't get all wordy on me... Will you please explain in more detail? I really want you to stay. I don't want you to be alone and beating yourself up on the inside."

"I just need time to think on my own."

"I guess I can accept that... Please stay safe for me, and I'll see you in school tomorrow. Don't let this become an everyday thing though, you shouldn't just run away from your problems.

I lifted my feet to walk away, each step progressively more difficult. I loved him, but there are some things I still have to go through on my own. I blocked Camden from our mental link before walking home, and I was able to get a while to think for myself. I know that it isn't my fault, but a voice of doubt on the inside still says otherwise. Curling up behind my dumpster was when I finally let go of my emotions. The tears flowed freely from my eyes onto the ground. I miss my mother so much, but I miss the way my father used to be more. Before the war, he was a good man, raising a family, running a pack. He was the perfect father. After the war he was power hungry, constantly on edge; around the pack he acted kind, bubbly, just as he did before the death of my mother. However, I saw around his act; he was an evil man now.

I should never have left Ash, what was I thinking! The salty substance of tears fell from my eyes faster at that thought. Suddenly, a sharp throb began in my heart, slowly spreading throughout my entire body. The pain increased, the area around me glowing in a blue light, and it took me a while to figure out it was me shimmering. Finally it dulled, leaving me feeling different, but I couldn't explain how. I tried to think about it, yet I fell into a sleep before I could dedicate my mind to it.