how to become a wildfire

escape

es·cape \ i-ˈskāp
transitive verb
: to get free of : break away from
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xvii
november

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Gray can't breathe. He's pressed up against the wall by the front door, so close – he could reach out and grab the handle and take off down the stairs. His keys are tucked tight in his back pocket so they don't jingle, and he's counted the cash in his wallet over and over again.

All he has to do is grab the handle, and he can't.

There's a quiet sound from the bedroom and Gray's heart leaps, sending him skittering back against the wall like a rabbit. When a shadow appears at the bedroom door Gray looks around, quickly trying to come up with an explanation as to why he's standing, fully dressed at the front door at three a.m.

It's only Bella.

Gray sighs in relief, crouching down as the Rottweiler lumbers over to him and demands to be petted. Gray's hands shake as he runs his fingers through her fur, and she moves closer to him, settling on her haunches and whining.

"Shh," Gray whispers, stroking the soft spot on the top of her nose. "I'm sorry, you can't come. I'll be—"

He cuts himself off as the realization hits him, hard in the chest. He won't be home soon. At least, not if he can actually get up the courage to open the fucking door and start running.

Bella whines again and leans against Gray, and the tight, nervous energy in his chest relaxes a tiny bit as he kisses the top of her head. A part of him aches – he wants to take her, grab her leash from the hook behind the door and bring her with him, to...

Gray's phone buzzes and he jumps, a wave of panic running through him as he bumps the coffee table. He quickly grabs the ashtray before it can hit the ground, but now Joel's definitely moving in the bedroom.

Gray looks down at his phone.

i'm downstairs, the text reads. It's Natsu. do you need me to come up? or call 911?

Gray can't breathe – he's frozen to the ground, and what's Joel going to do when he comes out to see Gray sitting at the front door with a backpack on and his phone in his hand? The bedsheets are rustling and a lamp turns on in the room, and Gray can't reach the door handle fast enough.

Bella gives Gray one last headbutt, then trots off down the hall toward the bedroom. Gray can hear Joel's low, sleepy voice murmuring to her, and then the lights go off again.

Gray claps his hand over his mouth to keep in a sob. He wants to take her with him so badly, but once again, she's saved him, and this time he can't waste it.

As quietly as possible, Gray pushes himself to his feet, then reaches for the doorknob and turns it. There's a soft click, and then it's closed behind him and he's standing in the hallway of the apartment building, heart pounding in terror.

Gray runs. He ignores the elevator, dashing toward the stairs and taking them three at a time. Each door brings a new wave of fear, and he expects each of them to slam open, an angry face behind them.

By the time he makes it to the main floor, Gray can barely breathe. He can see Natsu's beat-up car in the visitor stall, and Natsu's standing beside it, looking from his phone up to the window of Joel and Gray's apartment.

The space between the stairwell and the front door seems insurmountable, but Gray forces himself to move, forces himself not to look back as he pushes through both sets of doors and dashes across to Natsu's car.

"Gray," Natsu whispers, turning around and reaching out his arms. Gray's about to let Natsu pull him into a hug when the revulsion kicks in – beer breath, heavy limbs, the pain Gray's been ignoring. He turns and throws up into the bushes instead. He feels dirty – sticky and uncomfortable, like he needs to wash his hands again.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay," Natsu whispers, moving toward Gray but not touching him. "C'mon, we should go. You're safe now, I promise."

You can't promise that, Gray thinks, but he's so, so tired, and he can't bring himself to argue.

As they pull out of the parking lot, Gray keeps his eyes on Joel's apartment window, waiting for the light or the shouting, or for Joel to come crashing out the front doors. Nothing happens and it's almost worse because now Gray can't stop thinking of Joel waking up without him.

Natsu's fingers brush against Gray's and Gray lets out a shaky breath, pulling his knees up to his chest and squeezing Natsu's hand tightly. His chest hurts and his cheeks are hot and wet with tears, and he just wants it all to end.

"It's okay," Natsu says, and Gray wants so badly to believe him, to have faith that he's going to be okay. Instead he cries as Natsu whispers, "I'm not gonna let him hurt you again."