how to become a wildfire

infatuation

in·fat·u·a·tion | \ in-ˌfa-chə-ˈwā-shən
noun
: a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something
: strong and unreasoning attachment

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iv
april
five years ago

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"Why are you always on your phone?"

Joel's voice is sullen, and when Gray looks up, Joel's brow is furrowed in annoyance. Gray glances over at the TV where Joel's playing 'Halo,' then back down at his screen.

"Sorry," he says, "I'm just texting Natsu, I wasn—"

Joel reaches over and grabs the phone from Gray's hands, tossing it to the end of the couch. Gray sits there for a moment, stunned.

"What the hell?" Gray asks after a second. He tries to reach out and pick up the phone, but Joel's legs are over his, and Joel shifts so that Gray can't move away. "What's your deal?"

There's a tense moment before Joel sighs, and Gray watches his expression turn from irritated to disappointed. "You'd rather talk to him than me," Joel says, looking away from Gray and down at the controller on his lap.

"Hey, no, that's not true," Gray says, anger immediately dissipating. He reaches over and grabs Joel's hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry, I just thought—I haven't talked to him in a while."

It's true. Since Joel and Gray started dating three months ago, it's been harder and harder for Gray to make time for Natsu. Joel likes to hang out with Gray in the evenings, and Gray doesn't blame him – they're both in school all day long, and it's nice to relax together.

"I know," Joel says, running his fingers over Gray's. "It just feels like... you wish you were still with him, not me."

The statement hits harder than Gray would like to admit. Joel is amazing, and he makes Gray feel special and loved, but there's a tiny part of Gray that still lights up every time he gets a text or e-mail from Natsu.

"He's my best friend," Gray insists, trying to push those thoughts away. Joel deserves better than that.

"But I'm your boyfriend," Joel says, and Gray's stomach immediately twists with guilt. "It makes me feel shitty when you text him instead of talking to me."

Gray looks down at the discarded phone, then back at Joel, whose expression is downcast. "I'm sorry," he says again.

Joel's eyes search Gray's face, and then he picks up the phone and opens it to Gray's message history with Natsu. Gray's eyes widen and he reaches out unconsciously to take the phone back.

"You have something to hide?" Joel asks, looking at him suspiciously, and just like that, the edge is back to his voice. Gray shakes his head and Joel turns back to the phone. His face hardens as he reads back through the messages, and Gray desperately tries to think of what could be in there that's making Joel upset.

"What's wrong?" he asks as Joel's hand tightens around his.

"He's still in love with you," Joel says, voice low. He flips the phone around to Gray and points to a text from a few weeks ago.

we went to the lake here last night and watched the stars. thought of you, i miss u so much xo

"W-we..." Gray's about to explain about the stars and the lake and their old summer traditions, but Joel's not listening, just scrolling back through message after message. The further back he goes, the tighter his grip becomes on Gray's hand.