how to become a wildfire

support

TW for mentions of drinking/alcoholism and self-harm

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sup·​port | \ sə-ˈpȯrt
transitive verb
: to keep from yielding or losing courage

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xx
november
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Sting is right, and Joel doesn't get out on bail. Instead, words like 'arraignment' and 'preliminary hearing' and 'testimony' get tossed around while Gray curls up in the bedroom and refuses to talk to anyone.

Natsu sits with him, sometimes, running his fingers through Gray's hair and telling him that he's brave, he's safe, he's going to be okay. Gray wants to believe him, but he feels like a scared, stupid little boy, and he's so, so tired.

Three days after the hospital, Kelly comes back to take more pictures for evidence. Gray can't even look at her, just stares dully at a crack in the baseboard as the camera shutter clicks again and again and again.

After she leaves, he can't stop crying. When he tries to lock himself in the bathroom, he realizes that he can't, because someone took the lock out of the handle. He knows why and he wants to scream in frustration, but instead just stares at his reflection in the mirror – red and black and blue and broken.

When Natsu finds Gray curled up in the shower, fully dressed with the water running as hot as possible, he doesn't yell or cry or lecture. He just turns off the water and slips into the tub next to Gray, ignoring the dampness spreading through his jeans. He wraps his arms around Gray and holds him close, running his fingers over the bright red skin of Gray's arms.

"It hurts," Gray whispers, tears hot on his cheeks. "I... I wish he'd..."

He can't say it, but he knows that Natsu knows what he means. Neither of them says anything, and Natsu just sits there, steady and calm, while Gray cries and cries.

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That night, Gray can't sleep. Natsu is unbearably hot next to him, the sheets scratch his skin, and every time he closes his eyes, he feels Joel. Joel's lips on Gray's, Joel's fingers around Gray's throat, Joel's hand scrabbling at Gray's pants.

Gray can't remove the thoughts, so he tries to replace them. He tries to think of Natsu, kissing him at the lake. Natsu, touching Gray in the back seat of his dad's car. Natsu, pressing against him in the alley behind the bar.

Suddenly Gray really, really wants a drink.

He carefully slips out from under Natsu's arm, patting Bella's head reassuringly before closing the bedroom door behind him. Nobody else is up, and Gray wanders into the kitchen. A thin ray of moonlight spills through the curtains and across the countertop, and Gray traces it with his fingers before looking up at the cupboards.

"We don't have any alcohol."

Gray jumps at Sting's voice, spinning around and grunting in pain when he hits his hip on the edge of the counter. Sting is next to him immediately, but when he reaches out for Gray's arm, Gray pulls away, shaking his head.

It's hard to see in the dark, and Gray is suddenly terrified that Sting is angry. His heart leaps into his throat and he takes a step back, wrapping his arms around his stomach. Sting must read his mind because he slowly reaches behind him and flips on the light.

When Gray looks up, he realizes that Sting's still in uniform, and he's yawning and rubbing his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Sting says. "I just got home. You hungry?"

Gray shrugs. He hasn't been eating much – both because it hurts like hell to swallow and because he just doesn't really care. Sting gestures to the fridge before moving carefully past Gray.