how to become a wildfire

intrigue

in·trigue | \ in-ˈtrēg
transitive verb
: to arouse the interest, desire, or curiosity of

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iii
january
five years ago

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The day Natsu leaves, Gray cries more than he ever has in his life. They stand outside Natsu's car for a long, long time – his car that's packed with clothes and books and everything Natsu needs to start a new life.

A life without Gray.

They kiss and kiss, and Natsu whispers I love you so many times that Gray loses count. The words leave a hollow ache in his chest because they're accompanied by the agreement to see other people. Forty-seven hours is too far to keep up a relationship, and Gray knows that Natsu is sweet and kind and attractive, and he'll have no problem finding someone else.

No matter how much it hurts, Gray just wants Natsu to be happy.

Two weeks after Natsu leaves, Gray moves to Elmsworth. He ends up living with Erza and Jellal, which is great because the rent is cheap, but awful because he feels so alone. He keeps his room bare other than a picture of him and Natsu tacked up over his desk – one that Erza took last year at the lake of them kissing under the stars.

Starting school without Natsu hurts. They text every day, and at first, it's enough, but the days are long and lonely, and Gray cries himself to sleep almost every night. Eventually Erza steps in and gets Gray to see a doctor who gives him some pills that make everything a little bit more tolerable.

Christmas passes, and Gray spends it back in Magnolia with his parents, where he wears skirts and prays at dinner and goes to Mass.

Gray hates it all. He tries to be happy for Erza's sake, because he doesn't want her to worry, but sometimes, he just wants it to end.

Two days into the winter semester, Gray meets a boy.

"Anyone sitting here?"

Gray looks up from his textbook to see a guy with curly brown hair and glasses, gesturing to the seat next to Gray and giving him a wide smile. He's got a pierced ear and a tattoo on his arm, and when Gray shakes his head, the guy gives him a wide smile that makes Gray's stomach do something funny.

"I'm Joel," the guy says, hand warm in Gray's as he shakes it.

Gray's about to introduce himself as Ellie, but something in him is bold. "I'm Gray," he says out loud for the first time in his life.

It feels so right.

"That's a cool name," Joel says, and Gray stammers out an awkward thank you before the professor starts talking.

The next day after class, Joel asks Gray out for coffee.

"There's a great place just off campus," he says, tucking his hands in his pockets and giving Gray the stomach-twisting smile again. "They have the best pumpkin pie."

So Gray says yes, and they stay at the café until it closes, talking over several cups of coffee and shared slices of pie and cake. Joel's two years older than Gray, and he's impressed that Gray's in such an advanced course with him. His praise makes Gray's cheeks hot, but it also ignites something in him that he thought was gone.

After their date, Gray wants to call Natsu and tell him about it, because Natsu's his best friend, but he just stares at the number on his phone until he falls asleep.

I met someone, he types out eventually in a text. I know we said that's okay, but I just wanted to let you know. Then he adds, I miss you, but changes his mind at the last minute and deletes it before he hits 'send.'

It takes Natsu a while to respond, but when he does it's enthusiastic. im so excited for you. you deserve to be happy. i miss you tons and hopefully i can visit soon and meet him! xo

The idea of Natsu meeting Joel makes Gray feel uneasy for some reason.

Joel kisses Gray for the first time a week after they meet, pressed up against the wall behind their classroom. Gray tries hard not to compare it to Natsu – nothing will ever be the same as their first kiss at the lake, and Joel is so enthusiastic. It makes Gray feel needed.

Two weeks later they sleep together, in Joel's dorm room while his roommates are out. Gray's terrified of Joel seeing his body, but Joel ignores Gray's apologies and kisses him everywhere. Gray doesn't tell Joel that it's his first time. He'd always thought it would be with Natsu, and part of him feels guilty that it isn't. It hurts more than he thought it would, but it makes Joel so happy, and he tells Gray how gorgeous he is over and over.

"I like you just like this," he says when they're curled up afterward and he's combing his fingers through Gray's hair.

Not long after they meet, they go on a double date with Erza and Jellal, and Joel charms both of them with funny stories and sweet words. He holds Gray's hand under the table in the restaurant, ordering for him and paying for enough wine to get Gray tipsy enough to kiss him in public.

"I love you," Joel says, a month after they start dating.

Gray's so surprised that he doesn't say anything at first, just stares, but when Joel gives him a concerned look, he eventually whispers, "I love you, too."

Gray takes down the picture of him and Natsu the next day.