how to become a wildfire

dissonance

TW for verbal/physical abuse

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dis· so· nance | \ ˈdi-sə-nən(t)s
noun
: psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously

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xvi
november

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When Sting drops Gray off at the jail later that day to pick up Joel, the first words out of Joel's mouth are, "I'm so, so sorry."

He pulls Gray into a gentle hug, kissing the top of his head. "I was so worried about you," he says, "they wouldn't tell me anything, just that you were at the hospital." He pulls back and runs a thumb over Gray's cheek, brushing the hair out of his eyes. Then he sees Gray's bandaged hand and makes a soft, sad sound.

"I'm sorry," Joel murmurs again as Gray presses his forehead against Joel's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Gray asks softly, wrapping his arms around Joel's waist and leaning into him. Guilt creeps back into his chest – he'd spent the day sitting on Sting's living room floor, cuddling with Frosch and Lector and playing Uno with Rogue – having fun while Joel had was worrying about him.

"I'll live," Joel says. His jaw and knuckles are bruised, but otherwise he seems okay. "I'm more worried about you – I can't believe Tyler tried to pull that shit. Who knows what he would've done if I hadn't been there."

He kisses Gray's head again, then takes his hand. Gray lets Joel lead him out to the parking lot, keeping his eyes on the ground the whole time.

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They get back to the apartment just before supper and Bella is ecstatic, jumping around them as her nails clack against the hardwood. Gray kneels down and presses his forehead to hers, whispering, "I'm so sorry, girl, you must be starving."

Bella licks his face, then runs off to the kitchen to sit next to the pantry.

"You didn't come home?" Joel's voice is suddenly much less sweet than it had been, and Gray stands up slowly, turning to look at him.

"I didn't... you had the keys," Gray says. "And the rental office is closed, it's the weekend, so I couldn't get the landlord to let me in."

Joel studies Gray for a second, then asks, "where did you stay?"

Gray looks down at the floor, picking at the edge of his bandage. The air is charged, suddenly – a downed wire, live sparks.

The kindness never lasts.

"I..."

"Where did you stay?" Joel asks again.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," Gray says as his stomach ties itself into knots. "I was... I didn't get out of the ER until really late, and I couldn't get back in the apartment, and—"

"Where?"

"Please," Gray whispers, wrapping his arms around himself and keeping his eyes on the ground. "I—I stayed at Sting's, he took me to the hospital 'cause I needed the stitches and I... there was nowhere else, I didn't have my wallet or my phone, and—"

"Stop."

Gray bites back the excuses and closes his eyes, bracing himself for whatever Joel's going to do. Everything already aches, and Gray's pretty sure Joel can't make it worse.

"I told you to stay away from him," Joel says. He takes a step toward Gray and Gray flinches, backing up against the wall.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," he whispers.