Ch•38

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We make it to the hospital. I have an hour and a half before I have to go get willow and pick up zayden and omia from Mrs and mrs.Phelow I get up to his room and just walk in. My dad had to go so Larry was here with me. I go to the side of Travis's bed in hopes he hears my footsteps. I take off my prosthetic and put it on the table next to his bed. I pick up his hand holding it softly. I rub circles on the back of his hand with my thumb. I hum a soft tub and move my hand to his cheek and I slowly rub the soft flesh with the back of my hand. 
I feel tears come to my eyes threatening to fall at any moment, I try to hold them back and continue to hum the soft tune to my unconscious fiancé. The time comes around for me to leave his side. I kiss his cheek before I put my prosthetic on. I go back down to the lobby to tell Larry I'm done, we then head to his car and as soon as I shut my door I let out all the tears that I was holding back fall. I feel Larry pull me into a hug. I bring my hands up to his arm and lean into him. 
I was finally Able to calm down. I pulled away from Larry reassuring him that I was okay. I took off my prosthetic and wiped my face with the sleeves of my shirt then wiped the inside of my prosthetic putting it back on. We pull up to willows school just in time as the bell rings to let them out of school for winter break. I put her in the car and help her strap in not showing a single hint of what's going on in my mind. We pull up to mrs.phelows house I get out and ask larry to stay in the car with willow. I grab the bags that mrs.phelow told me to take I went and put those in the car first and went back grabbing there booster seats and saying bye to the two elderly people. I get the two strapped in and get in the front seat. We pull into the driveway and get all three of the kids out of the car. 
As dinner time came I set out all the plates for us to eat.
I go to mine and Travis's room and change into one of his shirts and lay on his side of the bed.
I hear a soft knock at the door. I get up and answer the door. I look down, seeing willow. "What's wrong love bug?" I say getting down to eye level with her. "I can't fall asleep,can you rub my back please." "Of course." I say standing you picking willow up taking her to her room I lay her down on the bottom bunk scooting her over a bit laying on the bed with her,I turn over on my side and prop my head up with my fist I rub small circles on her back humming the same song I did to Travis. I make sure not to let any tears slip away and my voice doesn't crack. Once I know for sure she was asleep I get up covering her up all the way kissing her temple doing the same for the other two kids that I have already grown to love. 
It's almost been a full month of Travis being unconscious and in the hospital. I go up to his room like I've been doing for the past three and a half weeks. I talk to him just as if we were having a real conversation. I listen to the heart monitor that I noticed his heart rate dropping fast out of pure panic. I called for the doctors and they all rushed in and others trying to get me out of the room right before the door shut in my face I hear his heart line completely stop. After a couple minutes of me walking back and forth in the waiting room and scratching at my newly opened wounds a doctor comes in to try and reassure me and tell me that I should just go home and relax.
"HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO GO HOME AND RELAX KNOWING THAT MY FIANCÉ IS ON HIS DEATHBED WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEONE TO TELL YOU TO GO HOME AND RELAX KNOWING SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS DYING AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO." "No I suppose,But stressing out won't help, do you need me to call anybody to help you out?" "The only thing that will help me out is you getting back in that room AND HELPING MY FIANCÉ." "We're doing everything we can." "THEN FIND MORE TO DO JUST PLEASE......please don't let him go." I drop to the floor pulling my knees up to my chest and start sobbing harder than you can imagine. I hear my phone go off multiple times, probably wondering where I am. Some time goes by and the doctor leaves and I'm just sobbing in the middle of the floor. I feel arms wrap around me And pull me close to them.
I open my eyes looking at the person seeing Larry I wrap my arms around his neck and just cry. I calm down and tell Larry what was going on. "So papas gonna die?" I hear Willow say I look at Larry and he says sorry I got it. He needed to come into the hospital and he can't leave her in the car. "No papa isn't going to do his.......his heart needs to be?" "RECHARGED." "Recharged?" I look at Larry ''He puts a finger up telling me to give him a second to explain. "What happens when you use your tablet for to long without getting off?" He says looking at willow "the battery dies." "And what do you do to fix it." "I put it on the charger,ohhh papa used to much energy and he got tired so now he needs to rest phew I thought he was gonna leave like mommy did for a minute." How can she say that with a smile. I go into the bathroom to wipe off my prosthetic and get all the salty water out. I rinse my face off and dry it off with my sleeves. I go back to the lobby picking up willow telling Larry to come on. I strap her in and settle myself in the seat in front of her. "Do you wanna go some place to get it off you mind?" "No,no I'm.....i just I wa-no just lets go home please." "Okay." 
We arrived at the house and we got out going inside. I'm greeted by the sound of the two older kids running around playing with ziggy. Willow does her homework while the other two try to get her to play. I let her play because who the hell assigns homework over winter break. I grab the gingerbread things and start to mix all the frosting with food coloring so there are more colors other than white. I let zayden and omia decorate the ones me and Travis were gonna do. I sit at the table watching their faces light up when they all compliment one another on how their house looks. "Daddy look this house is the candy house the house that you can have all the candy in the world." "Is that so, what if you get a tummy ache." "Tummy aches are for bums." "Well that's not very nice." 
She just laughed and I smiled "what's your house omia?" "Well it's just a normal house, maybe a family would live here." I smile at her knowing she won't see it do to the prosthetic. "How about you mr.zayden?" "It was where an awesome wizard lives with his pet dragons." "Wow that sounds like an awesome house to live in." 
He smiles and continues to work on his art piece.I help them move the houses on to the window connecting to the living space. I lay all three of them down on their beds telling them to go to bed or I'm going to eat their little houses. I turn on the night light for willow and leave the door open just slightly. As soon as I take one step from the door I hear all of them talking to one another. I let it slip seeing as i probably wont sleep. I do the dinner dishes that Larry did for us. I dry it by hand placing them all away. I hear a knock on the door frame of the kitchen. I look behind me to see ash. "Wachya need?" "For you to tell me why your acting as if your not mentally broken in front of the kids, or me and Larry sal we know that your not okay we understand that your going thru stuff and trying to keep from showing the kids you're week side but they need to know when your not okay show them these things don't hide it from them or they'll do the same thing as much as we don't want them to they learn from others actions so show them it's okay." "They are too young to need to have their mind set on something other than what type of activities they will be doing together tomorrow or other things kids need to stay happy. That is the only emotion I want to see on them." "I understand that you only wanna see your kids happy but show them how to handle the pain, don't let it consume your body." I say nothing I put down the dish I was drying and the rag I was doing the drying with. I take off my prosthetic setting it on the counter rubbing my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt. "I don't know what to do ash I didn't do very well after my mom left me I have no way of keeping from becoming so emotional I can't think straight I'm just doing the one thing I know I can do and that's pretend like there's not a single thing wrong in my life...I..I know it's not the right thing to do but it's what keeps me going and the last thing I want to do is bottle up my emotions. I don't know what to do Ash I don't know what to do." I say putting my head in my knees crying. "Sal you will get threw this HE will get threw this he's a fighter I don't think he will be going anywhere not as long as he has you and your three kids....we all know he can take a beating just lets go lay down and we'll wait for the doctor to call us tomorrow morning okay?" "Okay." I say as my voice cracks. I go back to my room and ash follows me I once again lay on Travis's side of the bed I throw my shoes to the other side of the room hitting the wall. I lay down pulling the sheets over my body. I feel the bed shift behind me. Ash throws the sheets over her and I feel her hands go through my hair. She hums a soft tune she would always use to calm me down during my panic attacks. I turn over scooting closer to ash as she hums. "Thank you so much ash for everything you've ever done for me." "I know you would do the same good night blue teddy." "Good night mamma bear." 

(Oh hell yeah long chapter also the name blue teddy is to be a nickname only ash can call him and mamma bear to represent how she always looks out for the friend group acting like the mom of them.have a good day lads and ladies and n
My nonbinary yetis I'll see you in fanfic world wish love peace my lovely dudes.)

(I'M THE QUEEN OF BROKEN HEARTS, BREAK YOU IN A THOUSAND PARTS, USED TO BE A SHOOTING' STAR WHEN DID I BECOME SO DARK?) if you know you know 

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