The Bad and The Broken

Chapter 58

"Dawn," he says in shock, "what a surprise."

I bring the side of my mouth up a little and give a curt nod. He scratches the back of his head. My eyes make a short glance at his bicep.

"Do you know how late it is?"

Around 12pm.

I nod twice, then motion to inside. Ryder slowly steps aside and let's me in. We walk together to his bedroom, and I start to get somewhat nervous. I'm surprised he even let me in. We approached his room and he closes the door behind us.

I lean against his desk while he sits on his unmade bed. I know he wasn't asleep because of how quickly he answered the door.

"What brings you here this late?" He asks, "Better yet, why are you walking around alone this late at night?" His eyebrows raise.

I turn around and search his desk drawers for paper, then grab the pen off of the top.

I start writing, "I wanted to-" but I stop.

I look up at him. He looks patient as he stares back waiting for my written response.

I take an unsteady breath, and push some air down my throat as I decide on probably the worst thing I could do right now. And I do it anyways.

"I wanted to apologize," I say quietly, looking at the floor, ignoring the cracks in my voice.

He says nothing, but I don't dare look up at him.

"I understand why you-" I stop as tears form in my eyes, "I understand why you're angry, and I'm not holding a grudge against you for it," a tight lump forms in my throat, "I just- I just want to say that I am sorry."

I try to hold them back, I try to keep the flood gates closed. But when I looked up at Ryder, seeing his pained expression on his face, I can't help but let a few escape. I keep eye contact and continue with what I'm saying.

"You can stay angry if you want to," I say, "all I ask from you is that you try to understand why I do this. I don't like to, I'd give anything to not have to, anything be able to be normal" more tears fall, "I-I just don't have a choice. My father, he-" my eyes bulge when I stop myself and realize what I was saying.

"He what?" Ryder asks and he stands up.

He takes slow steps towards me. I watch as he does, secretly wanting his warmth and comfort. Only he has had this kind of impact on me. I never cry. I never crave a feeling someone else gives me, especially a good feeling. I just can't help it when I'm with him. He makes me vulnerable.

"He doesn't allow me to," I simply say. I look away, no longer meeting his eyes.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you."

I feel his hand on my cheek as he wiped away the tears on my face. I ignore the feeling of weakness that settles upon me.

"Dawn-"

"Please don't," I beg, "don't make me lie to you. Don't ask me questions, or push. Please." I close my eyes and relax into his hand.

Why am I being so vulnerable? I should be keeping my guard up. I shouldn't be doing this. But when I opened my eyes, and looked into his deep, beautiful orbs, I found every reason why  I should. Every reason why I should stay here. Every reason why I should let my facade down.

"Okay," he breaths out. "I will wait for you to tell me." I nod, grateful that he does me that simple favor.

"I accept your apology," he says, "and I've been wanting to do this the entire time," he exclaimed as he suddenly wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug.

I tense, then hug him back. Relaxing into his warm body. The feeling of safety overwhelming my body.