It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 8

Thank you all so much for the nice responses!! Here is the next :)

Nick's P.O.V.
The tension in the waiting room is slowly building up. I have to get out of here before I break down.

"I'm going to use the bathroom." I mumble and I'm out of the room before anyone has even got the chance of responding.

I remember how I walked out of the waiting room almost 7 years ago. I was weak. I barely had any flesh under my skin. I could wrap my fingers completely around my arms. I was scared.

Entering the bathroom, I check if it's empty.

I'm alone. I had been facing the stalls to make sure they're empty before I turn around to look in the mirror. All I see is a mess.

Messy curls, messy tear streaks down my face, messy eyes filled with tears and my clothes are messy. I roll up my sleeves. It's kind of a habit of mine to do.

I run my hand through my hair in the hope to get it to work a little bit better, but it's no use.

I support myself with both my hands on the counter. I sigh deeply and let my head hang.

What's going on with me? Why can't I be normal?

My nose is a bit stuffy, so I start sniffling.

I throw my hands up out of frustration and I take another look in the mirror. I point out all of my flaws.

Next I lift my shirt a bit to reveal my Omnipod on my lower back. "This is all your fault" I scold it. Maybe I should test myself.

I can't test now though, my backpack is with the others in the waiting room and I can't go back looking like this. I look horrible. Not much of a support system for Pippa.

Lowering my shirt, I hear the door to the bathroom open.

I don't have to see who it is to know it's one of my brothers. My only hope is that it's not Frankie or Pippa. I guess it's Kevin due to our conversation before we entered the hospital.

"Are you okay?" I guessed correctly. "Do I look okay to you?" I let out a laugh. It's fake and I know he knows, but I don't care right now.

"No you don't." Kevin responds.

I know he wants me to tell him more instead of bottling it all up. He knows I'm holding everything back. This is only a fraction of how I really feel.

Sliding down the bathroom stall door, I end up on the floor. Gross, but my legs couldn't hold me up anymore while I broke down.

Kevin walks over and sits next to me.

Despite my dislike of being held, Kevin puts his arms around me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I keep repeating myself over and over again.

Kevin only holds me tighter. "You've got nothing to be sorry for Nicky." But I only sob harder.

After a while of crying with Kevin here, I finally manage to slow down my cries.

"Is there some sort of curse on us?" I ask Kevin. "Why? Do you think that?" Kevin asks me.

I shrug. "First me and now Pippa. Why can't we be happy? Aren't we allowed to be happy?" I wonder.

"Aren't you happy?" He sounds kind of hurt. Like he failed me. I shrug again.

"I am, but I wish we didn't have this. I wish I didn't have this stupid Diabetes and I wish Pippa wouldn't be here right now. I failed her. I promised to not let her get hurt. And now she is. Do you think her illness is worse than mine?" I ask Kevin.

"You didn't fail her. I failed the both of you. It's my job as the eldest to protect all my younger siblings. I failed you when I spoke my concerns way too late. I failed you when you got the diagnoses. I failed Pippa by not contacting her. I wasn't there for her and now she's here. I failed her, because I could have kept everyone from making these mistakes. But mistakes are human. We make mistakes, but we have to remember that when we make mistakes, they are immediately in the past. You can't change the past. Neither can you keep yourself from making them in the future, because in the moment they seem right, otherwise you wouldn't make them. I knew it was wrong to not contact any of you and I regret it. I regret every second of it, but I will never get those seconds back. I'm here for Pippa now if she needs me and I'm here for you whenever you need me."

I'm speechless. I've always been so focused on solving everything myself and especially with my Diabetes, but I've always needed them. I need them to help remind me to test. I need them to help me calculate my bolus. I need them to help change my pods. I need them to help me through my mood swings. I'm almost a woman when it comes to the mood swings.

"I'm sorry Kevin." I apologize.

"What are you apologizing for? I told you before it's not your fault." Kevin sighs.

"I'm sorry for making your job as the eldest brother so hard." I start laughing. Kevin gives me a grin before he starts laughing with me.

"But I wouldn't want it any other way." We both start laughing harder.

"You could make it a little easier for me though. There are things in your life that you need help with. It's impossible to do everything on your own. I need you to promise me something Nicky." He looks serious.

He continues. "Please let me know if you need any help and accept our help when we offer it to you. I know that's a hard thing and at the bottom of your vocabulary, but let us help you in times like these where you rather lock yourself up in a dirty hospital bathroom than to talk to us. Ask for help. We won't bite, we don't judge, we help you. That's what brothers are for."

"I didn't want to make things harder on Pippa." I look down and refer to the locking up in a hospital bathroom thing.

"I understand, but your absence is not making things easier for anyone at all. It only made us worried about you." Kevin says.

I nod my head. "I didn't plan on staying away this long. It happened."

"Don't worry about it. I'm happy you're safe and alright. You okay to go back now?" I nod and slowly unwrap myself from Kevin's tight grip around my back.