It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 63

Nick's P.O.V.
"So, she..." I'm shocked, frightened and everything else at the same time.

"She wanted to overdose. Yeah, I know." Frankie answers sadly.

"When did you find her? How did you find her on time?" I ask him. So many questions. I mean, I never even knew she was planning on doing this to herself. Is Frankie right? Did she want to do that to herself or did she want to have a break without any tormenting thoughts?

I knew she was sad like me and that she got Anorexia Nervosa because of everything going on, but I never realized she would have done this. Does this mean she might have hurt herself?

"Nick? Say something, please?" Frankie brings me back down.

"And you knew? You knew she was going to do that! Why didn't you say anything?" I let the anger get the best of me.

"They weren't my secrets to tell and I promised not to say if she handed the drugs over to me." He explains. "And she did that? Hand the drugs over I mean?" I ask him. He nods.

"She did." "And what did you do with it?" I ask him.

"I threw it away where no one is ever going to find it." I nod. "Good thinking."

"Are you okay?" He asks me. I turn to look at him. "Yeah, of course I'm okay." But even I don't believe myself.

"Are you? You're the one who had to talk her out of it." I ask him. He nods. "I'm fine." He answers. "Says every single person on the planet who is not okay." I retort, using the words he used against me.

He chuckles lightly. "I see what you did there. But I'm really okay. I talked her out of it and she's not shown me any signs that she still wants to." He says and I nod.

"Frankie? Can you please leave? I need a minute alone." He hesitantly nods before leaving me by myself.

I got lost in thoughts so easily. It's slowly starting to sink in that Pippa had wanted to kill herself and that she might have succeeded if Frankie hadn't found her. Why did Frankie have to find her. He's already been through so much with us. I don't know he manages to keep himself positive.

I'm only seconds away from breaking down. Is this how they felt when they found out I wanted to kill myself. I can't even imagine how they must have felt when they found me in the bathroom. If they were feeling worse, I feel so guilty for putting them through that pain.

It hurts so much that I want to do something, but I'm so upset that I can't do anything. It's a weird cycle I'm going through. It keeps repeating itself.

Want to do something, but I can't get up.

I'm so upset I, but I can't do anything.

But I want to do something, but I can't find the strength to get up and punch the wall or something.

I'm going to do something if they aren't going to come and help me. Someone needs to restrain me if they don't want me to do something.

The tears have managed to slip out and I'm sobbing quietly. The weather is matching my mood with the soft rain ticking on the window in my bedroom. The sky is gray, but a brighter shade of gray.

I hear footsteps walking around in the hallway and I pray it's not Pippa. I don't want her to see me like this. She doesn't need to know that she is the reason I'm upset. I'm not upset with her. I'm upset for her.

A soft knock on my door tells me it's either Joe or Kevin.

I don't respond. The familiar voice of Kevin makes its way into my room. "Nick? Can you please let me in?" He asks me quietly and politely.

I hum for him to enter and he does. He walks over to me immediately when he sees the tear tracks on my face.

"What's wrong?" he embraces me in a hug and tightly wraps his arms around my shoulders. My head against his chest as one of his free hands card through the curls on my head.

"Did you know Pippa had wanted to overdose?" The hand freezes. "Who told you that?" He asks me. "Frankie did." I can feel him shake his head. "I didn't know, no." He says sadly.

"Is that why you are upset?" he asks me. I burst into cries and hide my face in my hands as Kevin pulls me closer, if that's even possible.

"Frankie found her on time and stopped her. Saying he wouldn't tell on her if she handed everything over to him." I try to explain through the sobs. "And I'm guessing she did." I nod.

"She did." "How long ago was this?" I shrug. "A couple of weeks ago. I don't know. Tank didn't say."

I continued. "Frankie also told me that she hadn't tried anything after, nor given him signs that she might have wanted to do something to herself."

"That's a good thing." He thinks out loud.

"What now? Are we going to keep this to ourselves?" I look up at him to see him thinking.

"We can't keep this to ourselves. This is too big to ignore. I know Frankie wants to keep her secret, but I don't. I don't want to risk anything. There's a life at stake here. Our sister's life." Kevin says.

I agree with Kevin. We can't ignore this.

But for now it is as it is. I enjoy Kevin's company, because even if I ran out of the living room, it doesn't mean I want to be alone.

I'm home and I'm safe, but I'm still not safe from myself. I don't need a saviour. I need someone to keep me grounded. With both my feet nailed to the ground.

When I'm floating, I feel like I can, or sometimes can't, do anything. I search the borders and I figure out how far I can go.

It's far.

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