It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 43

Frankie's P.O.V.
I had walked outside of the waiting room and went to a vending machine that holds drinks.

I'm not hungry, but I might as well get something to drink.

Grabbing my ice tea from the bottom, I walk outside and look for a bench near the entrance.

I see one nearby that holds a woman. I walk over and ask her politely if I can take a seat next to her.

"Of course dear." She had answered. I sat down, opened my bottle, took a sip and screwed the cap back on. I placed the bottle next to me and rest my elbows on my upper legs, a little hunched over.

I run my hands through my hair. "Rough day today?" The woman asks me.

I shrug. "Something like that." I answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The young woman asks me. I sigh before answering. I might as well talk to her.

"My brother. He's in here because he tried to kill himself."

"Oh my. How is he doing?" I shrug. "They won't give us anything on him. We don't even know if he is alive. The fact that they haven't given us anything is the slight hope I have that he is still alive." She nods.

"That's tough. You came out here to clear your mind?" I nod in response.

"If you don't mind me asking." I motion for her to continue after she questions me for permission. "Do you know what caused his actions?" I nod sadly.

"I do." I sit up and wipe my face to clear them of tears.

"Yeah. Our sister ran away about two months ago now. And he's been suffering a great deal. He suffered before that. We helped him, but it wasn't enough. About two weeks before our sister ran off, he'd already had a huge breakdown. This year has put quite a strain on our family. There have been huge fights and everyone is on edge. Scared my sister won't come back alive and our fear that he'd do something to himself had always been in our systems ever since he got diagnosed with Diabetes. But he'd have periods, like these, where we would be especially afraid for his health, like back then in the bathroom, but he's never given us an actual clue that he was planning this or going to do this."

"I'm sorry to hear about your sister." She apologizes. "It's okay. She wanted to do it. She chose to do this after all we've already been through." The woman nods.

"I'm sorry. I would really like to talk to you and help you, but I have to go." I loop up to see a man calling for her.

"Thank you for this. It helped." She smiles warmly. "I wish your brother and you and your family well."

"Thank you." I nod thankfully.

I'm left by myself to look around at people walking by, people entering the hospital, people waiting for a bus and entering the bus when one shoes up. I'm invisible to the world. The world moves on while mine stands still.

Do I even have a life as the Bonus Jonas? I shouldn't think that anymore. It's my life. I'm Franklin 'Tank' Jonas. I'm a person that deserves life. Who has got a life to make the most of.

God gives you what you can handle, right? I can handle this. Nick is alive, the rest of my family is alive. Pippa is nowhere to be found, but as long as there isn't a corpse, she's alive and you know what? For now, that's enough for me.

My phone starts ringing in my pocket. I take it out of my pocket and see my dad's name on the screen. A cold shiver runs down my spine. What if I was wrong? What if I can't handle the message my dad has got for me.

I break from my frozen state and pick up, knowing I'll give my entire family a heart attack if I don't answer.

"Hi dad." My voice cracks. Here I was thinking I was strong. "Hey Tank." Dad says.

"The doctor just told us how your brother is doing?" He says.

"And?" I ask him impatiently. "Nick is alive and recovering. He's okay Tank. He's alive." I let out my breath. I had been holding it for a little too long.

I close my eyes to let the good news sink in. I know we've got a long way to go. He's okay, he'll live, but is he really going to live?

How long before he gets ideas again? How long before he thinks about it again? How long before he will try again?

I unscrew the cap from the bottle again and take another drink. I'm not ready to walk in to see Nick yet. I need time to process this.

I don't blame him, I don't hate him. He's my brother. He loves me and I love this. I don't know how to deal with this, because it is a deal. It could have cost him his life and I could have lost one of my brothers today. That's not an easy thought to deal with.

He's probably not even awake yet. And if he is, how will he feel? Dumb? Stupid? Tired? Upset? Who knows. All I know is that I'm not ready to see him yet. Even if he begs others for me to go see him, I won't until it's on my terms. Until I am ready to see him.

I know that's much to ask for and I'm sorry if I'm straining the family even more with this request, but I don't know how else to deal with this. I'm not them and they aren't me. We all have to do this on our own terms and if that request is that I get to take my moment to get myself back together, than I'm sorry, but so be it.

I stopped putting others in front of me. I'm the most important from this point of view. The world is harsh and you need to fight if you want to live. I want to live, so I'm fighting my hardest way through it. And I know that Nick will do the same.

But only if he gets it through his thick head that he has got us too.

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