It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 60

Pippa's P.O.V.
It's almost Christmas and Nick is coming home soon. I'm happy he is, but I'm also scared. What if something happens again?

Mom told us last night during dinner how Nick has talked to a psychiatrist and how she thinks we all need to sit down together to let everyone say their piece. She's wrong. It's not gonna be fixed by sharing some words.

I figured I need to clear my head. It started snowing, which I love. I grab my headphones and my connector to my phone and put them on. I put my most recent added playlist on shuffle and wait for it to start playing.

It starts with a very relatable song, even if I'm not lonely with all my family members. It's 'Fuck, i'm lonely' by Lauv and Anne-Marie. I really like that song. It's catchy, despite the sad subject.

I create a snowball and throw it against a tree. Me being me, I apologize to the tree. I walk on. I really enjoy the snow. Watching it fall and create a white layer on the ground. It makes it all a little less sad. It literally lights up the world with its white and bright color.

I watch the flakes slowly fall down to the ground. I stop walking and look up to the sky. The snowflakes look gray against the slightly gray clouds. I look a little more before I start walking again. The snow against my face is a little cold. I adjust my hoody a little.

Right now, a newer song starts playing. 'Nice To Meet Ya' by Niall Horan. Another catchy song.

I can't help but start dancing around a little during the song. I'm a little embarrassed at first, not knowing what people might think if they see me. After a while I figured I don't care about others and I'm full out dancing while I'm walking.

I smile when the song ends. Another starts playing right away. I really needed this.

The song 'Please Come Home' by Rigby combined with the snow, really gives me a Christmas feeling. It makes me feel all warm inside.

"I tell the world
I'm doing better now"
Am I? Am I really doing better? No.

I'm not doing better. It's not that I'm worse, but I'm also not better. I only act like I'm better. We've all got so much on our minds and it only makes me feel like I'm bothering my family with my problems. It's not all about me.

"I tell my friends
That I am fine without her"

I know in the song it has a different meaning, but I can't help but relate to it. I told my family I was fine without Nick, but I wasn't. My mind had always been occupied with thoughts about him. I've always been busy worrying about him when I should have been worrying about myself, because I wasn't looking after myself.

"The tears were running down my face"

I can't remember a time where I've been by myself without crying my eyes out over everything. I wait for the chorus and sing the lyrics out loud.

"Would you please come home
And turn up all the lights
Would you please come home
Return and make things right
This fool knows what he's missing since you've been gone
(it's Christmas Night) would you please come home"

I sing along to the next verse and a slightly different chorus.

"I'd even buy you a time machine
I.. If I could go back
I'd change everything about me"

If I could buy myself a time machine, I would go back in time to change everything about me.

I've made so many mistakes that I can't correct. It's tearing me apart. I feel the tears run down my face. I gave a different meaning to a song with a whole different story.

"Would you please come home
And turn up all the lights
Would you please come home
Return and make things right
This fool knows what he's missing since you've been gone
(it's Christmas Night) would you please come home

Would you please come home
Would you please come home"

I sang those lyrics from the top of my lungs and as loud as I could. After the song finishes, I pause the music. I need to take a break. Catch my breath. Bring my thoughts in order.

I'm not making any sense to myself. I wonder how I look right now to a stranger. A completely random breakdown after singing a song.

I'm on my knees in the snow. My fingers moving slowly around in the snow that's still falling down next to me.

My phone starts ringing. I take my phone from my pocket to see Joe's name on the screen.

I decide to answer. "Hey Joe."

"Hey." I hear a slight confusion in his voice. "Where are you?" He asks me.

I look around and I know I don't know where I am. Woops.

"I'm outside." I respond. "I figured that much. Where outside are you? You know we've got that therapy session soon at the hospital with Nick, right?" He asks me. He sounds a little annoyed, but I know it's worry for me. He's not annoyed with me.

"Let me check where I am. I'm not sure." I answer.

"You don't know where you are?!" He exclaims. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Joe! Chill! I'm fine!" I tell him. I hear a silence before he talks. "Look up on Google where you are or share your location, I don't care what you do, but we're coming to pick you up now and we're going to that appointment." He speaks with authority running through his voice.

I do as I was told. I share my location with him and wait for my family to show up.

They show up quick and I get in the car. I get the silent treatment. I guess I deserve that.

After a while mom got a call from Kevin, who is already at the hospital. He wanted to be a part of this.

'Here goes nothing...' and more thoughts race through my head when dad parks the car at the hospital.

Thank you so much for reading!! Let me know what you think 😊