Curiosity of Love & Friendship (Ongoing)

Chapter 18 - Mea Culpa

The next weeks passed by like a breeze, buzzing with wedding preparations and filled with wonderful colors, laughter, food, and stories to be shared years down. While everyone rushed to fulfill their work responsibilities, the families were planning events for the week of the weddings, along with the wedding day itself.

No one noticed when Khushi spent most of the time on Payal's wedding preparations, saving her shopping and preparations for the last. No one noticed when she gave fake smiles, as others made choices for her. No one wondered why Arnav was staying away at work most of the time, chalking it off to the new company set-up, only showing up for the important events briefly. A new company does come with a lot of work, but not enough for some. 

Arnav and Khushi hadn't talked much since the announcement for their wedding. Whenever either tried to make an effort, the other hadn't been brave enough to face everything head-on. "Let's just let things be." Even though they didn't say these words, they knew that's what the other was thinking. There was nothing else to do, other than waiting for the time to pass by and everything to unfold naturally. But above everything, Khushi knew she wouldn't be able to explain the pain that had taken a hold in her heart.

In the midst of everything, Khushi found out who secretly took her photos and created the whole mess in the first place. It was Lavanya who put up the slideshow, and Khushi wasn't even surprised, knowing her from the past few years. But Khushi couldn't talk to her about it. She tried to get Payal to probe into it, but she wouldn't hear anything about any kind of issues with the weddings so near. She was in her sweet la-la-land and thought Khushi should be too. Khushi couldn't even explain how awfully wrong that was. On the other hand, Lavanya would always stick with Payal and avoid Khushi at all times. Eventually, Khushi let it be for now, since there was nothing to be gained. The photos weren't manipulated anyhow, just portrayed and perceived incorrectly.

Arnav, on the other hand, had finally convinced his mother to go through with her treatment. He had been with her for every single appointment, even with his father present. Regardless of everything, he didn't want to go through losing someone else again. Even though there was little hope for the future, it was better than being completely hopeless. Hope certainly is a treasure that we need to keep holding close to our hearts, even when everything appears so bleak.

Akash had been heartbroken once he found out from Arnav, but Arnav couldn't reveal anything about the contract. Arnav realized how wrong this was, that it was something he couldn't even explain to Akash, knowing his brother would be horrified at how his own father and elder brother could stoop so low. Maybe, before anyone else could judge him, Arnav was already judging himself, blaming himself for his wrongful actions, but unable to stop anything either.

~*~

The day of the weddings finally came, all coming together to celebrate the union of two couples. The celebrations had been filled with laughter, dancing, merry music, and tons of food. The weddings were being held in an event hall, decorated with white and red flowers. The dholki music from outside indicated the arrival of the grooms with their families and friends. As both the brides sat in the guest room, adorned with heavy jewelry, makeup, and beautiful attires, Payal's face glowed with happiness, while Khushi kept smiling for everyone to hide her emotions and anxiety. 

After weeks and weeks of barely any conversation, Arnav texted her this morning, asking to talk to her before the wedding ceremony. She didn't know what to expect. Still, she could not help but have this bad feeling gnaw at her. According to the customs, a to-be-wedded couple is not supposed to be meeting before the wedding ceremony on the day of the ceremony, but they were not even a normal couple. 

Khushi's cell beeped with a text. "I am in the guest room next door."

Khushi quickly made an excuse to go to the restroom and left before Payal could say anything else, even though there was a restroom in their guest room. 

Knocking the door, Khushi waited as she took deep breaths to calm herself, as she heard his voice before she let herself in. As soon as she entered, Arnav turned away from the window as she closed the door behind her.

Arnav held his breath as he took in her bridal attire, dressed as his bride. It wasn't until now that he finally realized what it would mean. Initially, he only wanted to talk to her to make sure she would not misunderstand his intention to marry her, and also as a way of taking a little burden off his heart. But now, he didn't know if he could trust himself to protect her from his own self. In that very moment, he knew he wanted her. 

"Arnav?"

Khushi's voice brought him back and he took a deep breath as he tried to make sense of his own thoughts, completely forgetting the whole speech he had prepared last night.

"I... Khush, I'm..."

"What's wrong, Arnav?" Khushi moved further into the room, nearer to him, worried something else was wrong.

"I'm sorry. For everything."

"Huh?" 

"We are really good friends, Khushi. I don't believe in marriages or even the concept of love. You know why. For that, I am sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry."

"You can still walk from this. I will explain everything to the families. I won't force you into a marriage where you are not even happy."

Khushi's heart skipped a beat and her breath stilled. She knew it all. She knew he felt guilty for everything, she knew he didn't believe in anything, and now he was giving her the choice to find what she would want in a marriage. She could say yes and walk away, while trusting him to deal with everything. Her family would eventually understand too. But could she walk away? His words were not anxious or desperate, but simply sad. That's all she felt from his voice. But all she could think was how she could not say no to him. She knew how much he needed her and how much her family needed this, even if they didn't know anything from Abhay Raizada's threats.

The look in his eyes began to change, as if something struck him, and it was enough for Khushi to come back to her senses.

"No, I won't. We will get married today, Arnav." Khushi said it with a conviction she didn't know she had, as she felt a sense of betrayal running through her, for her own sake. She could have said no. She would always remember that she could have said no. 

Arnav pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. Khushi wanted to, for once, break down and cry in his arms, but even in his arms, she felt as if the distance between them had grown. She simply held onto him, without her face betraying any of her emotions.

As Arnav let her go and looked at her, all Khushi could do was give him a smile, as he also smiled back at her.

"We make each other happy, Arnav. So, isn't this better than making everyone in our families go through pain?" Khushi asked.

"I will always try my best to keep you happy. I only ever want you to be happy. We will always be friends, and I will never let anything come between us."

As much as his words were supposed to reassure her, Arnav's words also hurt so much that she could only nod and smile in response, ignoring the way her chest hurt.

Hearing voices from the hallway, Arnav gave a quick kiss on Khushi's forehead as he rushed out. Khushi stood still, as her heart continued to hurt. She always wanted someone to kiss her forehead. Silly as it was, a forehead kiss simply seemed as the purest way to show how much one meant to you.

Even if he can't ever love me, I can at least be by his side and make him happy, as long as I can, and it would be okay. It would be enough.

*Mea Culpa is Latin for accepting one's fault or mistake as a way of apologizing, while it also refers to one's guilt.