Curiosity of Love & Friendship (Ongoing)

Chapter 19 - Vox Nihili

~Khushi's P.O.V.~

Today was our wedding. Everything had been so beautiful about this entire day. The arrangements, the ceremonies, and most of all, the happiness that glowed on the faces of our families. When Arnav and I danced in front of all, it was too easy to lose myself in his eyes and dance happily. 

It was serene actually. Even though I knew everything about our reality, I kept forgetting everything when I looked at him. When our eyes met, it was almost as if I expected something from him, for him to say something. But most of all, his smile would make me forget everything, and I would feel a smile on my own face. There were times I caught myself looking at Arnav, but I looked away before he could look back.

The turmoil of all the emotions certainly was difficult to hide. Mostly, everyone assumed it to be the wedding, leaving my family, and taking such a big step forward in my life. Everyone assumed and I never corrected them. They weren't entirely wrong. All of my life had been about my family, but now, I was supposed to be creating my own family. But there was this cold and empty feeling in my heart, where it just felt wrong. Everything felt too wrong. But I kept a smile on my face, as all the events finally came to an end.

~*~

Before leaving, Mom took both Payal and me to freshen up. But just as I was about to enter the room, I saw Grandpa standing in a distance. I told Mom that I would be right back, as I rushed to where Grandpa was.

As I moved closer, I saw tears glistening on his face and I hugged him as soon as I reached him.

"Khushi? Oh, what happened, sunshine?"

"You were crying, Grandpa?"

He chuckled at my question and said, "I was just thinking about how happy you both looked today with your husbands."

Hearing the word 'husband' sent a flutter, yet a pinch to my heart.

"I'll miss you the most, Grandpa."

Grandpa wiped the lone tear that escaped my left eye, as he said, "Khushi, are you happy?"

I was completely taken back by his question. "I... Yes, I am, Grandpa. I am the happiest today!" I gave him a full grin, while he hugged me this time.

"I don't know why, but Khushi, I feel a little scared."

"Scared?" I spoke into his embrace.

"Yes. Promise me this. No matter what, you will always tell me anything that bothers you or whenever you need any help."

I genuinely smiled, but my emotions were getting the better of me. Unable to speak, I nodded to his request, hiding in his embrace, so he wouldn't notice my struggle.

Mom called me right then, asking me to hurry up. The farewells took a while, but filled with jokes, laughter, and tears. 

While Payal and Akash were going to be staying their first night at the penthouse Akash and Arnav's parents were staying at, Arnav and I would be going to his place directly.

Next week was going to be the honeymoon week, as per our families. Akash and Payal were going to New Zealand, but Arnav and I were going to London. Arnav had to attend a series of seminars in London, in regards to a new product launch in UK, which would benefit his start-up as well. We were leaving tomorrow morning, to give us time to settle down and rest before getting to work. We convinced the families that we would be on our honeymoon, while we get to "work!" Honestly, I did not even know if I should be happy or upset at it anymore.

~*~

Arnav showed me the whole apartment once we reached home. While he went to change out of the wedding outfit, I moved my stuff to the guest room. As I was organizing my stuff, he knocked before entering.

Seeing his surprised look, I genuinely smiled at his expressions. Only Arnav would not think of these things.

"What? You were planning on sharing the same room?" I chuckled.

"Khushi, but... you... I..."

"Oh, shush you! We are besties. And yes, we can share your room whenever someone comes over, but I would like my privacy when it's just the two of us."

That was the first full smile I saw on his face today. He came over and hugged me.

"You know, you're the best thing that has happened to me."

His words were enough to melt me, but not enough to melt him though.

I looked up at his face and touched his left cheek with the back of my hand. "I know, but so are you. Now, go! We both have a lot of work to do tomorrow, and I am exhausted from all of the events from today." I pushed him out of my room, as he laughed at my antics.

"Okay, okay. I'm going. Sleep tight, beautiful!"

I gave him a grin at the nickname.

"Good night to you too, charming!" He made a sour face, as I chuckled and closed the door.

The genuine smile I had on my face turned into genuine sadness almost immediately. I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, as I stripped my clothes and accessories. I allowed the hot water to run off my skin, soaking me completely. Like the water, I finally let go of all of my choked tears and sobs, as my emotions finally broke free.

I wasn't crying because of Arnav, but I was crying for everyone I was deceiving right now. If my family ever found out about why I married Arnav or that we weren't even anything, it would break their hearts. But more than that, I feared that my Grandpa would never be able to look at me again. Dad would be so disappointed. I was reminded of my betrayal every time I saw any of them smiling at me. I owed them so much, yet here I was, lying to their faces for their own sake.

But I was crying for Arnav too. He deserved happiness in his life, but it seemed like he didn't know what it meant anymore. Lastly, I cried for my own heart. If Arnav ever found out how I actually felt for him, he wouldn't be able to face me anymore. He would distance himself from me. Maybe, forever.

He wasn't supposed to mean so much to me. We were supposed to be only friends. Really good friends. Now we were married. But I can't be a wife to him, while I didn't feel as a friend should anymore. We were something, but at the same time, we were nothing.

*Vox NihiIi is Latin for "the voice of nothing." For this chapter being Khushi's P.O.V. only, it refers to her demeaning her feelings.